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Housecleaning Tips for the Procrastinator--How to Avoid Laundry

Updated on September 20, 2014
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Do You Like to Do Laundry?

I've just learned some shocking news. There are actually a few people in the world who suffer from a mental illness that causes them to LIKE doing their laundry.

I feel for these people. I really do. I hope they can get help the help they need.

I am not one of them.

In a previous hub, I outlined the many reasons why you should not vacuum. Today I am going to help you fellow laundry loathers to scrap the stain-fighting and forget the folding. Not only will you get some valuable tips for how to avoid laundry, I will provide some perfect excuses for why you simply shouldn't be slaving away over a hot washing machine today!

5 Great Excuses for Not Doing Laundry Today

  • The washing machine smells funny. I'm letting it soak in X cleaner. (for a year or so.)
  • I have sudden onset color blindness. I don't want to try to sort colors. (what if a red sock got in with your white undies?Tragic!)
  • I'm allergic to fabric. All of it.
  • It scares the clothes to put them in that cold, dark washing machine.
  • There is a rumor that an evil clown lives in the lint trap...

Wishy-Washy

How Do You Feel About Your Laundry?

See results

How to Manage Unwashed Laundry--Tip #1.

If you don't wash clothes, they won't wash themselves. So what are you going to do? Here is a great tip.

Stop wearing clothes.

No, no. I don't mean all the time. But you can really cut down on the AMOUNT of laundry you don't wash by not wearing clothes when they are not absolutely necessary. Here are some places you should and should not wear clothes:

Should Not:

  • In bed. Sleeping in clothes is a waste of cleanliness, unless you intend to wear that outfit again tomorrow.
  • In your yard. If you do not have a privacy fence, now is the time to invest. Wearing clothes to do yardwork is just making dirt for yourself to clean up.
  • At certain times in your car: If you are not getting out of your car, then a shirt is more than enough cloth. Just lay a nice, tarp, plastic bag, or blanket you don't need to wash across your lap.
  • While doing housework: Why risk getting clothes stained up with dust or bleach or food?

Should:

  • When expecting company: It is just basic etiquette. Especially if there will be any eating going on.
  • At work: No one can concentrate if you are letting it all hang out around the watercooler.
  • At school: Pencil sharpeners are dangerous. You need protective clothing.
  • At the grocery store: I'm not sure why you should do this, but everyone does. Therefore, there must be a logical explanation.

Leave it. It will fold itself eventually.
Leave it. It will fold itself eventually. | Source

Strange Laundry Truths

Fact or Fiction? You Decide!

  • Socks suffer horrible torments as they are sucked down the dryer vent into the 134th circle of Sock Hell.
  • Your laundry will never smell as nice as other people's.
  • You will waste over 50 million minutes of your life washing laundry to perfection.
  • Stains come back when you aren't looking.
  • Because you absorb water, steam, stain remover gels, and dryer lint when doing laundry, you can actually gain weight every time you wash your clothes...

How to Avoid Laundry--Tip #2

Do not, for any reason, let people guilt you into believing that doing laundry is a reflection of your character. Laundry is not academic, artistic, creative, poetic, etc. It is just a huge tower of clothes that mock you daily.

Tune out the mocking with this tip--Wear It Again.

Why are you washing that pair of jeans? Are they really, really dirty? Probably not. You can probably avoid laundry for years just by buying lots of clothing items, and re-wearing them. If you want, you can freshen them with a little cologne or a rub-down with a dryer sheet.

Don't wear the same outfit over again too soon. Mix and match your mucky laundry for new, creative outfits! Yesterday's jeans pair up nicely with last Monday's sweater! Stains can be hidden with a similarly colored magic marker, or the just turn the entire garment inside out!

6 More Excuses for Not Loving Your Laundry

  • I can't do laundry until the entire room has been remodeled for better Feng Shui.
  • I'm out of laundry soap. So is the store.
  • The hamper isn't QUITE full, yet.
  • I refuse to send my socks to their death.
  • I'm pretty sure the washer is possessed. Did you hear it knocking the last time I used it?
  • I just haven't found the RIGHT laundry detergent for me...

Avoiding Laundry--Tip #3

Maybe you don't mind washing clothes, but the ironing, folding and hanging part gets you down. That's totally me too. I will wash and dry clothes all day if you ask me pretty please. But when it comes time to tackle the result--I'm ready to run.

Here are FOUR ways to make it super easy to avoid folding a single shirt:

  1. Pile ALL the clothes in a spare room. On a bed, on a chair. Whatever. They are still easy to dig through!
  2. Keep cycling the clothes through the washer and dryer. They may never get done, but it always sounds and smells like you are working hard at it!
  3. Put all clothes in laundry baskets and deposit in the appropriate rooms.
  4. Plastic bags. Closet floor. Enough said.

Laundry Tool
Necessary?
Purpose?
Hamper
Yes
Place to store dirty or clean clothes
Washing machine
Yes
Place to store clean or dirty clothes
Dryer
Yes
Place to store clean clothes/"iron" out wrinkles
Clothesline
No
Notifies neighbors that you didn't do laundry
Soap
Yes
Makes laundry room smell good
Fabric Softener
No
Make you listen for rinse cycle
Dryer sheets
Yes
Makes dryer smell good
Iron
Yes
Various craft projects
Starch
Yes
Helps you look serious about the laundry
Stain remover
Yes
Excuse for why clothes are not being washed
Dressers/closets
Yes
Place to stuff clean and half clean clothes

More Reasons and Excuses...

Come on! You can do this! Just walk away and keep these reasons handy:

  • Doing laundry is against my religion.
  • I can't watch the baby from the utility room.
  • The clothes have to soak.
  • Washing clothes too many times will ruin them.
  • I cut the tag off...but it said "never wash this garment".
  • The tag said "handwash", and my machine doesn't have that setting.

Iron over a dryer sheet to make clothes smell clean, at least.
Iron over a dryer sheet to make clothes smell clean, at least. | Source

How to Properly Wash Laundry

  1. Wash clothes.
  2. Place in dryer
  3. For every article removed from dryer, replace with one item from washing machine.
  4. Place a new article in washing machine to replace missing shirt or pants.
  5. Wash whole load again so it won't spoil while the dryer is full.

How To Get Laundry Done Fast

Sometimes, you have to knuckle down and wash a load of clothes. Don't stretch this torment out longer than it needs to last.

  • Don't sort. Its an evil ploy to make you use more soap.
  • Use your muscles and stuff as much clothing in the washer as possible. Consider the lid to be the "fill line".
  • Wash only what you are sure you are going to need. Place the rest to "soak" in stain remover. It will keep for a week or so if you refresh the water occasionally.
  • Regularly donate clothes that don't survive. Or anything you don't love well enough to launder.

Some Bonus Excuses

Surely you've found some good ideas by now, right? Well, here are some more:

  • I'm sorting those clothes to donate.
  • I flipped a coin. Its your turn tonight.
  • I'm not washing anything until we find the hamster/tarantula/lizard that escaped today.
  • Our laundry was stolen today....
  • The laundromat was quarantined today...
  • I thought you said you would do it?
  • I can only cook or do laundry in one day. Which is more important?

Use Your New Time Wisely

Without a laundry schedule, you should have several more hours of free time in your week. Use this time wisely. DON'T use it to go clothes shopping! Going shopping if you hate washing clothes is just a form of self-torment.

Instead, use this quality time to do some serious work. You now have the perfect opportunity to find some other projects and chores to avoid.

DISCLAIMER: This article is meant to be humorous. I would never recommend not washing your laundry, since it leads to a host of problems, such as oversupply of laundry soap, low utility bills, and having to wear the last and worst pair of clean underwear from the bottom of the drawer.

Don't wear ugly underwear. Wash your clothes.

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    • C.V.Rajan profile image

      Disillusioned 2 years ago from Kerala, India

      Quite hilarious. I liked this one: "The tag said "handwash", and my machine doesn't have that setting." Ha Ha!

    • Sharkye11 profile image
      Author

      Jayme Kinsey 2 years ago from Oklahoma

      @DzzyMsLizzy Oh! would love a counter! That would be a great place to just pile up the clothes, lol! I too tend to keep things in baskets as long as possible. Just yesterday, my husband pulled a uniform shirt out to wear to work and asked if I had even washed it. It was so wrinkled it looked worse than when it went in the hamper. It was the first time in AGES that I ironed --(ironed meaning I spritzed the shirt with Febreeze and ran the iron over the back of the shirt, lol).

      I usually keep it (almost) all done and put up (hidden away). But every now and then I accumulate baby clothes that need stain treatment, and I dread dealing with it so much that i toss them in to soak (for three or four days) and the laundry piles up again. Darnit! :)

      Thanks for reading and sharing. Always glad to meet a fellow laundry-loather!

    • Warren Curtis profile image

      Warren Curtis Daniels Jr 2 years ago from Buffalo, New York

      Funny stuff! Thumbs up!

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

      I don't mind washing laundry but folding it is another story. Sometimes it just get dumped in the appropriate pile and people pick clean clothes out until none are left. Don't tell anyone.

    • jonmcclusk profile image

      Jonathan McCloskey 2 years ago from Cinnaminson, New Jersey

      Haha, this was a good and needed laugh, thank you for writing!

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 2 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      The entertainment value lived up to your usual standards. Thanks again for the smile.

    • Sharkye11 profile image
      Author

      Jayme Kinsey 2 years ago from Oklahoma

      @Pawpawrites--Thanks for reading! Don't let your laundry take over your life!

      @Linda--Really? I can't believe it! And I thought you were so normal! I never suspected you had such a serious condition. But okay, I will admit I love the SMELL of laundry. Especially when other people are doing it, lol! Thanks for reading!

    • Sharkye11 profile image
      Author

      Jayme Kinsey 2 years ago from Oklahoma

      @OldRoses--Its never too late to rehabilitate. Think of how much time laundry steals from you every week. :) But if you can't break the habit, I could always use a little help in my laundry room!

    • CrisSp profile image

      CrisSp 2 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      I actually like doing the laundry and I just love the smell of laundry fresh off the dryer. I'm not a big fan of ironing though and I don't remember the last time I did it. Thanks to the great inventor of steamer. No more ironing!

      Funny hub!

    • Sharkye11 profile image
      Author

      Jayme Kinsey 2 years ago from Oklahoma

      @sheilameyers. That's a good idea! I once told some visitors the laundry was clean that morning, but the cat messed it up. Quick fix! Thanks for reading! :)

    • blueheron profile image

      Sharon Vile 2 years ago from Odessa, MO

      There really are SOME ways to make this chore easier. Instead of sorting and matching up all the kids' socks, put all clean socks into a "sock basket." Then everyone has to find and match up their own. It is good to buy only white socks--preferably all the same kind and size. That way it's easy to match them up, and you just bleach them when they get stained.

      One solution that has worked for me is to build a window seat in an existing bay window in the bedroom. Put clean laundry in the basket and slide the basket under the window seat. You could build closets so that each shelf would hold a laundry basket--though it might be wise to fold stuff.

      Since people most often do the wash when they are out of clean underwear, you can always buy new underwear. One of my former neighbors avoided doing the wash by constantly buying more clothes at the thrift store.

    • Sharkye11 profile image
      Author

      Jayme Kinsey 2 years ago from Oklahoma

      @JamaGenee---hahaha! My grandmother irons socks. With starch! I never could get that enthusiastic about ironing. The only exception is that my nursing uniforms were always ironed and starched until the could stand in their own. Nowadays, I iron my curtains, doilies, runners, and tablecloths...but I go around in wrinkly stuff, lol!

      And yes! Febreeze is THE solution for laundry haters! I'm totally guilty of wearing jeans too long. (just so comfy after you have them broke in just right!) and I've used Febreeze as a quick fix in my work clothes if I have to run to the store and don't have time to change! Thanks for reading and commenting! I love reading your comments!

    • DzyMsLizzy profile image

      Liz Elias 2 years ago from Oakley, CA

      Hahahahaha!! I'm with you--I don't mind loading the washer and dryer; the machines do the actual work.

      But folding/putting away? Ugh! It usually sits in the laundry room in baskets until we run out of shirts, socks, undies, or what have you. Then, I run into the laundry room, and snag exactly ONE of the requisite clothing item.

      I'm just grateful that when we remodeled, I was able to gain a real laundry room, with counter space to hold those baskets for hiding the clean clothes! ;)

      Once a month or so, I get a wild hair, and do get it all put away, but laundry is omnipresent, and is never truly 'done.'

      Voted up and funny!

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 2 years ago from Orlando, FL

      I'm one of the weird ones. I like doing laundry. Laundry detergent is one of my favorite smells that make me smile. And fabric softener smells too! If I could smell a hint of bleach after I finish laundry, I know I've done a good job. I told you, I was one of the weird ones.

    • Sharkye11 profile image
      Author

      Jayme Kinsey 2 years ago from Oklahoma

      @ Bill--sounds like you are a pro. Did I miss any good tips ir viable excuses? :)

      @Brie. Thanks! I try to find humor everywhere. Its hard to find any in the laundry room!

      @ SpartacusJones--as long as you air your cape and mask once a week, you should be fine!

    • Pawpawwrites profile image

      Jim 2 years ago from Kansas

      Love it. I see laundry in a whole new way now.

    • OldRoses profile image

      Caren White 2 years ago from Franklin Park, NJ

      I used to love doing laundry. After reading this, I'm not so sure any more. I need to think about it, consult with a few friends, maybe use a clothes brush instead. Thanks for such an entertaining hub. Voted up and shared.

    • JamaGenee profile image

      Joanna McKenna 2 years ago from Central Oklahoma

      sheilamyers, if I still had a cat I'd definitely use this excuse! ;D

    • profile image

      sheilamyers 2 years ago

      Hilarious! I hate doing laundry, but know it's one of those things that won't get done if I don't do it. *sigh* One of the down sides of living alone. If I ever needed an excuse for not getting it done, I'd tell people I taught the cat to do it, but he's afraid he'll get wet. See? Just dump the blame on the cat.

    • JamaGenee profile image

      Joanna McKenna 2 years ago from Central Oklahoma

      ROTFL! Great hub! Seriously now, I don't MIND doing laundry, but I absolutely WILL NOT IRON! No way! In the 21st century?

      Permanent press clothes have been around for decades, but two otherwise intelligent friends iron EVERY WEEK. I can't quibble with the one because she only irons things that resist the non-wrinkle properties of dryer sheets. But the other? She irons everything, even T-shirts! Who in their right mind irons T-shirts??? Other than pressing a crease into the hem of a new set of curtains, I have better things to do with whatever time I have left in this world than stand over an ironing board!

      One word to those who really REALLY hate to do laundry: Febreez. Best thing since sliced bread IMHO. Indispensable on a long trip where finding and using a laudromat would cut into sightseeing time (but NOT recommended for freshening yesterday's knickers!). To freshen a pair of jeans, turn inside out. Repeat until knees develop that telltale "bagging".

      Upped and shared! ;D

    • spartucusjones profile image

      CJ Baker 2 years ago from Parts Unknown

      Very timely tips. I have to go naked more often in order to avoid the dreaded laundry.

    • Brie Hoffman profile image

      Brie Hoffman 2 years ago from Manhattan

      Very funny. I hate laundry.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I've been avoiding it all my life, but thanks for the tips. :)