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Rampant Thoughts

Author:

Refusal to concede to reality despite the harsh truth being vividly public.

uncontrollable-desire

Part 12.

"I am defective. I am malicious. I am selfish. I am quiet. I am immature. I am distracted. I am confused. I am lost. I am struggling. I am hesitating. I am scared. I am still.

I lack control over the concept of self when it comes to perceiving my surroundings as positive and negative. Practice would probably aid me in broadening my view thus allowing me to elevate my sensibility to the bright side of life. All while in theory this would bring nothing but positive results, something feels amiss. Unfit to call it attraction, I would dare say it comes closer to an affinity for the bleak and gloomy. Personally I'd label myself as depressed but that would be closer to being wrong than right. Things just tend to lean over to the quieter side when it comes to me. Blaming genes or any other outside cause isn't completely ludicrous since I am aware that this behavior is somehow similar to that of a parent of mine. I guess you could say I was nurtured by nature and then I drew the "lucky" card to always feel unlucky. Feeling like this has become second nature and I would see nothing wrong with behaving like this until I came to the conclusion that it's in fact defective when applied to being a partner or friend or just a human being."