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Twenty Ways I Thought I Died. Part Two Chapter Five.

I am a writer, a customer care rep, a business administrator, a lover of life and a successful single lady who sees every child as hers.


It has really been long I felt anything less than a smart person. I have imbibed in me a desire to act like a novice and actually be naïve. Well I was encouraged to keep up with my search but with people I am actually sure of their age. Funny how Charles made me look stupid. I look at the past and I just laugh.
Today makes it exactly eight months the incident happened, and here I am saying I love you again to yet another man.
Tolu is a forty year old man. I received a message from him on yahoo mail asking to know me better. We began to exchange pictures and I saw he was good looking and tall, and also responsible. So I did the craziest, I told him I love him and he confirmed the feeling was mutual and he had been wanting to tell me since but was waiting till we met in person.
Those words really brought smiles to my face. At last! I have found the one, my precious husband to be. We were already talking about deep intimate things and how we will live our marital life and everything felt wonderful.
My dear, how was your day? I asked him as I laid on my bed dreaming of our future together.
It went well. But you ought to say my dear not just dear.
Seriously honey what’s the difference? I asked innocently.
You did it again! He lamented. It is my honey not just honey.
I laughed lengthily.
He continued. The word “my” makes it personal. My dear, my love, my honey, my sweetheart. Okay.
Okay my lord. I replied.
Wow “my lord” I love that! Babe we need to look for money o for our wedding, I need to marry you sharply. We need money like mad.
Well my bride price won’t cost much. I teased.
Babe I hope so o, make I no run. He laughed. And I want us to do a small wedding so we can save cost. Like how much do you think we can spend on food? Like how much pepper and tomatoes?
Haba babes? How will I know. When the time reaches na we contact a caterer.
I just want to plan down my love. And we need to start thinking about accommodation, you know I still live with my mother.
Yea you mentioned it. We need to rent a place on the island because of my job.
Yes I know. My honey, I haven’t really asked you what you do for a living. You know the whole thing happened so quick and we just started off with our chemistry.
Yes that’s true. I work in sythex, in CCD. Its actually owned by in-law. That’s my Aunt’s husband.
Wow nice. He is a big man then, not like me. He laughed.
So what about you? I asked him.
What about me? He asked back.
I mean what do you do?
Oh me! Yes, well. He shuttled. I just go here and there.
Here and there? What do you mean by that.
Well I am into real estate, I market properties and I install CCTV.
Okay. But what is your main source of income?
Well I can’t say. The thing is, anytime I wake up and someone calls me that there is something happening somewhere and it will fetch me money, I just go.
I don’t understand. I said as I sat up on the bed I was laying on.
Babe can we drop this topic? He asked as he was becoming uncomfortable.
Why should we? We are talking about out finance here and you want to avoid it? I mean don’t get me wrong, I make my own money but my husband should be able to take of me too.
See babe eh. He said as he wanted to justify his failings. The thing is, I haven’t told you fully about my past.
Okay so what’s still there to talk about?
You know we never talked about money or status because we were building our love first.
Yes which is fine. I encouraged him.
The thing is, I was not able to finish my university education. My dad abandoned my mother when I was in my second year in school and I had to drop out of school due to lack of finance. He went ahead to marry a younger woman and finished all our family wealth and that’s how things continued to go from bad to worst.
How long has it been since your father left? I asked trying to understand the situation since he is now a forty year old man.
Its been long now o. We have even forgiven him and in fact the lady has even abandoned him.
Did they have children together?
Yes they have three. The first is twenty four years old now.
Twenty four? That means this happened like twenty six or twenty five years ago? I asked surprised.
Yea babe. See how your baby has suffered since o. He stressed.
I don’t get you. I said getting angry. So you dropped out of school twenty five years ago and you could not work to further your studies again? Oghene! You didn’t learn a skill of do business either? What have you been doing?
My baby calm down now.
I could sense his voice was shaky so I just calmed down so as not to scare him.
My baby are you still there? Why are you so quiet? He asked me.
I am listening to you.
I know I have disappointed you. I feel so ashamed of myself right now. But I promise you honey, I will work on myself just for you. To become the man you are proud of. Please just don’t stop loving me, I beg you.
Do you think with what you do, you can take care of I and the kids? I asked him.
That’s an embarrassing question, show some respect babe.
What’s embarrassing about it? And which one is show some respect? Can’t I air my fears
Baby please don’t give up on me. He pleaded.
Its okay my love. Let’s go to bed now, you know I have to be in the office tomorrow.
Its okay my love. Say you love me.
I love you my hero. I told him confidently.

And that was how the night ended. I woke up early the following day to find a text from him waiting for me to read. And it went like this: My love you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and the most beautiful woman I have ever falling for. I love you to stupor and I promise to be your father, mother, uncle, brother and sister. I promise to be your entire family, please don’t stop loving me because of my failings.
I read it with a smile on my face. This man really loves me. I sent a quick reply, just saying I love you. And happily I got ready for work.


Office was crazy that morning as Mr Adeleke and Ella were having a heated argument and imoh was in between them trying to make sure non of them uses their fist.
You this smelling man! So for your cheap mind you think say I go love you? It was just for the small change. Things a mother can do for her child. So you better not ever tell me you love me again. Ella shouted.
You are just a wicked woman! After all I did for you, you now call me smelling.
I endured you Adeleke! Chai Yoruba can smell!
I dey smell but you chop my money.
Ehen na free? You no chop something too? She shouted back.
What’s all this nonsense! I shouted. What kind of disgusting talk I dey hear for office so?
Ufoma, thank God you are here o! You know say me just dey help Adeleke with his malnourished sex life.
I stared at her wide eyed. What?
Babe no give me that look jor. She continued. I know say almost everybody for office know. You think say I be mumu. I know he updates Imoh on things. I just dey act like say I no know. After all, everybody na hustler, so make we see who go cast the stone. So as I was saying, I dey help am but I no wan help again, let him leave me alone, he no gree. He has been sending me threatening messages saying he will harm I and my son. Can you imagine? Something wey get beginning, e no go get end? Abi God don join us together?
Ella you sef calm down. You too dey talk raw na, this na office. Imoh spoke out.
Abegi leave me. Haven’t you people been gossiping about my sex life with him? And looking at the pictures of I on his bed? Is that not raw? Na as I come out bold na it is my own that is rawness.
Ella can we talk privately? I asked her.
No! You people should just warn Adeleke o! Warn him!
Mr Adeleka please what’s he issue? I spoke to him for the first time that morning.
Miss Ufoma, I am so sorry for the mess here but please help me tell Ella to give me back all the money I have been giving her. Do you know I have been spending every kobo of my salary on her for the past one year plus now? I don’t even have any savings again. He lamented.
Did you lend her the money? I asked him.
God go bless you for that question Ufoma! Ella screamed happily.
Ufoma please that is a feminist approach. Imoh sided Adeleke. Which on is did he lend her? She has defrauded him of his earning with trickery. She even told him she loved him and they will be together forever. So why does she want it to end now?
Thank you Imoh! Adeleke said in appraisal.
And this is your masculine approach? Requesting for the money he gave voluntarily and disturbing the peace of the office? Please Ella and Adeleke, keep this your office romance out of the office, and let’s do our wok this morning because if the Chairman should hear this, it would cost you both a query letter.
Ufoma abeg! Leave that thing! He no follow for the office romance? Abi you think say we self never hear? Ella said smiling.
Ella me no dey o. Imoh said and took his leave, leaving Adeleke standing alone looking confused.
See this idiot! Ella said. You think by bringing this to the office you could blackmail me to give you money? You suppose know say me no get shame na. Your blackmail no work! Hungry man! Ufoma don’t mind the fool o! I ended our romance last month, na because he hear say my Okechukwu don return with dollars and wants to marry me, he then came back and started asking me for his share. See the text message he sent me when we called it off. She brought out her phone from her bag to show me. See she stressed. He said no probs my dear, it was nice banging you. Have a great life. I just laughed after I read it. See who dey bang? You sabi bang before? No be me teach you? He had the guts to come back asking me for money, rubbish. She concluded.
Don’t worry, I will see you in court. Adeleke fired at her and walked out.
I and Ella bursted into laughter. Like seriously? See you in court? Wetin una wan tell judge? I asked.
I wan go that court room sef make I ask the judge whether he no get better things doing than judging this matter.
Ella you sef get mind o! But you be bad girl!
Abge shift! Na today you know?
So your Okechukwu is back? And you didn’t gist me?
Why will I gist you? Aren’t you among those that said he won’t return to me? And what did you always call him again? Oh yes Okey is a rat.
But babe you dey secretive o! You hide all this from me as we close reach?
Shebi I be bad girl. I no wan spoil virgin Ufoma na.
Na you sabi. I laughed. But wow am so surpirsed. Okey is back and wants to marry you?
Yes he wants to. She said smiling. Our engagement party is this week Saturday and you are invited.
Wow! Have you told his family of his son?
Of couse! In fact our boy is with his paternal grandparents as we speak. They love him to stupor but they were angry with us for hiding the truth sha but that’s all in the past now. I always knew my Okey loves me and would come back for I and our son.
Wow what a love story. I am so happy for you girl! Its like a dream come true for you. God bless your new home.
We hugged and I was sincerely happy for her.

Ella has been through a lot! She had a very rough childhood and had to do lots of stuff to survive and train herself through school. She and Okey fell in love and they had a child together. She had to raise their son alone unbeknownst to his parents while he went abroad for his masters that was sponsored by his older brother. He supported Ella with his little and she also got help from others since her salary wasn’t much. She wanted to fall in love again many times but it ended in misery. Now I am shocked that after all those years, Okey came back and they are planning their wedding. Dreams do come true.

Work was very hectic that day as our company was having a merge. We just bought a rival company that went bankrupt after one of their top manager left and took all their ideas and designs to another company and launched before theirs. So their liquid cash invested in that project was gone. We were happy to buy it over and retain some of their employees and then restructure. I was running from pillar to post when I finally had time to take a look at my phone, and saw I had fifteen missed calls from Tolu. I quickly called back but his number was busy. I tired some three more times but got the same busy tone. After some minuets he called back.

My baby I have been calling you like mad! He lamented.
Honey I am so sorry! That merge I told you of, took effect today. So office mad eh.
Oh my baby, have you eaten?
Yea I had breakfast.
What about lunch my darling?
Haven’t yet. But I tried your line trice and it was busy. Who were you on the phone with? I asked him.
Oh my love, just one of my friends for Ondo.
Male or female? I asked even though I didn’t care.
Female. Why do you ask?
Haa the call was long na. Abi she dey ask you for money? I teased him.
Money? Me wey dey find who will give me money. Hmm my baby I need money o! I am Looking for who to give me.
How many accounts do you have?
Why are you asking? I have like three.
Three? You are a big man o! Only you? And you say you no get money?
My baby there is nothing on the accounts o. We need money o, make we find money for our wedding o! He stressed.
Okay baby I have to go now.
Not baby, its my baby I have to go now.
OK sorry sir. My baby I have to go now. I laughed.
Alright my darling, talk to you later.


When we hung up, I had this strange feeling that he was asking me for money. And the way he complained about his brokenness irritated me. Always saying baby we need money o, make we look for money o. So because he wants to marry me, I should go and look for money? Eh a forty year old man? I am just twenty four for crying out loud.

I decided to go have breakfast and chat with Ella. Wedding bells were on the way for Sythex PLC, and the bride was Ella. Whoever imagined it? God is indeed very loving. Ella of all people that has had lots of affairs and even two abortions, and still was this fortunate with love? God is truly kind to sinners. I thought to myself.
Ufoma, I want you to be my chief bride’s maid.
She didn’t ask, she demanded. That was rude. I said to myself.
How can I refuse you dear. Okay I will think about it.
Don’t think just say yes. And I know what you are thinking, you are not going to wear white with me even though you are the virgin. She teased.
I wasn’t thinking of that at all. I am just wondering why you chose me? I asked honestly.
I did because you remind me of how unworthy I am. I want to be reminded of God’s deep love for me on my wedding day as I say those vows with Okey. And I want to mean every word and keep my marriage intact because I now have what many may never have.
Wow! I don’t know if I should be happy or sad hearing this.
Be happy dear, because the next bride has to be you. She smiled deeply.

Ella wasn’t really a pretty lady, so I wondered why Okey came back for her after seeing all those beautiful women abroad. It has to be because she is naïve and weak and damn vulnerable. Form that day, I promised to ignore the ill feelings I have of Tolu and do all I can to make sure we get married this year even if I had to borrow him money to accomplish it.

© 2020 Jade George Anibor

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