I am a poet, an Author, a motivational speaker and a love coach.
I am Ufoma Ogaga and I am a mass communicator, who recently graduated from National Open University. I am a Nigerian, and come from a well known decent family.
I travelled last year to Morocco for a three day trip which I enjoyed so much. I saw a lot of culture, ate a lot of Moroccan dishes, hiked the mountain, and made new friends.
My last day in Morocco was marred by an ugly experience which you all are busy debating about on social media, without any compassion to my personality or career. I should have filed a case on how I was assaulted in a foreign land, but I was just too afraid of public eye, which has now led to lots of criticism.
Mr Dean tried withholding my iPhone 7plus for no reason. I am the victim here. He almost refused in giving me my phone, he held it in his possession without trying to find the owner, he refused to answer the thirteen missed calls I gave my phone so as to identity himself as the one in possession of my phone, he also refused to comply with our agreement of meeting up with me to return my phone. And when I went to knock on his hotel room to ask for my phone, he and his wife embarrassed and assaulted me over my phone.
I didn’t want to press charges then because I was leaving the next morning and I also didn’t want trouble, so I just let the matter die since I had at least gotten my phone back. But it’s obvious some onlookers didn’t want the matter to die and that’s why they made videos and took pictures of the scene and uploaded it on social media. And they kept on sharing it, sharing it, till it got to me. The videos have been edited with funny sounds to poke more fun and all I see are judgmental and critical comments concerning what happened. So I chose to speak up here for the true version of that event. I truly hope that this critical video and comments be removed and halted.
Everything doesn’t have to be on social media. If it had to be there, then it should have been uploaded by either of the two parties involved not by complete strangers who did nothing to help the situation. Seriously! Are people so less busy with so much free time and data, to just video and upload things that do not concern them and mess up peoples private lives? I am a human with rights! I deserve my privacy. I have a right to consent to whatever personal issue of mine that needs to be taken to the public.
And as for all those who called me names and supported Mr and Mrs Deans violent acts towards me; there is word for you.
Mr and Mrs Dean have proved to me that marriage in itself is just a stupid union, full of deceit and unfaithfulness. I cannot just begin to imagine what Mrs Dean has been through in the hands of Mr Dean when it comes to adultery. So when people are busy counting 25years of marriage, it also means 25years of adultery? So you would have been single but you chose to be married because you refused to divorce him on the ground of adultery? Adultery must have been the major cause of rift between Mr and Mrs Dean. And Mrs Dean endured all that, and quarrelled over that up to their sixties? Oghene! Something she did young while married to a young man, is still something she is doing in her old age. Mr Dean is fat, old with rotten teeth and wrinkled face! Why would she even still quarrel? What will she expect her children to do? What example are they living for their children? What kind of life has she lived? A life full of misery and pain. Some so-called happy 25 years. And everyone is saying this is true love, wonderful love, I want to be like Mr and Mrs Dean.
Mrs Dean has been violated emotionally and she has lost her sense of reasoning, sense of judgment, and every other sense that helps coordinate her expressions. Should she have acted so hostile towards me that day? The answer is no. I am a stranger she doesn’t know. Why not hear me out first? Even if I were one of the girls Mr Dean has immoral intercourse with, which she got to know of through rumors; why not meet the young woman one on one to find out how her old husband got to deceive her; and help that young girl— deliver her from her dog of a husband. The girl is the victim, the prey. Her husband is the villain who has broken his promise to you over and over again and has no respect for marital values. Mrs Dean should have acted as a mother, a woman. A mother who sees every young girl as her child and seek for ways to protect them from men like her husband. A woman who knows that almost every man feels he is entitled to more than one woman, and he is out there tying hard to achieve his so-called right, and that right he hopes to achieve with his very power. Be a woman, to other women. Thanks for reading everyone. And that was how I clicked the send button.
That's the spirit!
I was happy to have finally cleared the air. I wasn’t surprised when Alisha shared the video to my wall on Facebook. She said she saw it trending and had to share so I can put a stop to it. The video was raising lots of critical comments. Some in my favor, and others not. But what bothered me most was the humor people made out of that ugly experience I had. They didn’t care how I felt or what damage it would do my reputation. Everyone just typed according to their mood.
Ufoma this is just simply beautiful! Am happy you spoke up and cleared this misunderstanding. And I hope this puts a stop to this ugly video. That was Alisha's comment after I uploaded my piece.
I received lots of comments from all round the world and I was really gaining popularity on social media. Women rights activists sent me a message asking if I would like to press charges. Show biz feminists wanted me on their show and bloggers posted my reply to the incident on their blog.
I wanted the video to stop but I guess, it didn’t. It was no longer directed to wife and side chic fight, but now: Ufoma Ogaga speaks up on Morocco incident assault. The hotel I lodged in Morocco called to apologize for the ugly incident and said they had fired the security men on duty who didn’t handle the situation properly. Mrs Dean was contacted and came on my page to apologize for her bad behavior which she linked to her second stage depression she has been battling with. She said she has finally decided to divorce Mr Dean her husband, after 32 years of marriage, which produced five children, six grand children and one great grand child. She claims her husband has been the reason for her depression and her children were happy she has taken this step.
Not long after, the court case aunty Ejiro sued grandpa for was out in the open. Everyone got to know how I was brought to this world by teenage parents, and they all blamed my single father for my disdain for marriage. What shocked me most was what was revealed about grandpa Ogaga.
What have I done? Was the question I asked myself after I got all these investigations, comments, feedbacks, recognition and followers. Have I done the right thing? As I sat on a hot seat with father and grandpa Ogaga, they gave me answers.
How dare you this daughter of a lose mother ruin my reputation like this!
Ose please calm down. You don’t have to call her late mother lose. Father replied grandpa.
Will you shut up you this weakling! You have failed as a father to scold this child that’s why she has ended up like her mother!
Ose please am begging you, calm down. Let’s talk to her mildly.
Mildly you say! This thing here needs iron hands! She is as hard as a stone. Get me my belt let me teach her a lesson.
Grandpa I won’t let you hit me! I shouted. I am no longer a kid. I am an adult and no longer a teenager too. I will clock twenty in few months. I know my right as a law abiding citizen.
Oghene! Ogehene! I am finished. So you can now raise your voice at me and quote law? Efe! Did you hear your daughter?
Ufoma apologize to your grandpa now! Father shouted at me.
I do not need her apology! Grandpa's voice thundered. My regret was giving her that ticket to Morocco in the first place. Do you know what that has cost me? My relationship with the owner of the hotel Mr Ali has been marred. His hotel is now been ridiculed online. They call it a place for bullies. A place for adulterers and side chics! Can’t you see the damage you have brought Ufoma.
Ufoma you should have talked to us about the matter. You never mentioned this incident to me. Or did you tell your aunty Ejiro?
No father. I didn’t tell anyone. I never knew it would get to this.
She is lying! Grandpa spat out. She told that her lesbian aunty Ejiro. She must have encouraged her to write that nonsense online. See the way she condemned marriage! Calling it a stupid union.
Grandpa that’s not what I meant…..
Shut up and do not interrupt me! You this spoilt child like her mother. Like mother like daughter. Rubbish! You Efe, if you had gotten married like I have been telling you to, she would have gotten a different view of marriage. Now the whole world thinks we are infidels! Her grandpa is a cheat, while her father a womanizer. Did you not know that they will start digging out facts? How you were brought to this world by teenage parents? Your father a porn addict and your useless mother a notorious gold digger? Oghene this girl has finished me. Now everybody knows I have children in India by an Indian woman.
And how is that my daughter's problem Ose! Father shouted angrily at grandpa. You hide that from us all and it was dragged to the open. That’s something you should have expected to happen a long time ago!
Look at this stupid idiot! You are taking sides with your daughter for giving me trouble that my wife has not given me. Do you think your mother does not know of the three children I have? She could not give me more children and we agreed I have from another woman who can. We have successfully hided this truth for years and to our own benefit; if not for this stupid girl who went ranting her mouth to the world and lots of cans were open.
Ufoma, Ufoma my daughter you have disappointed me. Father said those words with tears in his eyes. Do you know the implications you have brought this entire family by speaking online? Sometimes we just let sleeping dogs lie. If you hadn’t commented on that video, no one would trace it to you and soon the matter would die. Even if it was traced to you; silence would have been the better reply. Soon everyone would forget and pick on someone else.
Daddy am soo sorry. I said slowly already in a pool of tears. I never knew it would get to this. I have learnt my lesson.
The only way you can prove to me your grandfather and your father that you have learnt your lesson; is for you to get married to the young man I have chosen for you. That is my final verdict!
Ose please what’s this again? We haven’t finished one and you are bringing up another?
Efe keep quiet! You don’t know how to handle issues, so allow me. The only way your daughter can prove she isn’t a feminist, and a lesbian, and an apostate of marriage; is for her to get married.
Which is apostate of marriage again Ose?
Oh, so you don’t know that people now look at us as bad examples for her when it comes of marriage? It’s better we end that stupid idea now by marrying her off; now that the news is juicy, so it can go with the flow and end with the flow. I am an international business man! I do business in Morocco, in India, in America and in Holland. I cannot afford to stain my reputation as an adulterous man who molests small girls like Mr Dean.
So who do you want to marry her off to now? Father asked looking amused.
Daddy please I don’t want to get married now. Am not yet ready.
You are not yet ready? Grandpa laughed. You are ready for a whole lot of family matters my grand daughter. Since you know a lot about how a husband should act, and what a woman and mother should do, and how to handle a cheating husband; you are obviously ready for the family way.
No grandpa, I am too young for marriage?
Too young? You just said you are an adult and twenty years of age. I mean didn’t you learn well from your notorious birth mother? She had you at fifteen.
Ose please I don’t appreciate you speaking ill of her mother like that. I met her mother a virgin.
You met her a virgin, you met her a virgin, is that one virgin? Someone that was comfortable to have sex with you three times till it resulted into pregnancy, is not as innocent as you claim she was. That girl was a skilled virgin. Trained in the act of seduction and gold digging.
Ose please I don’t want to have that discussion with you. It’s obviously of no use.
Ufoma, you are getting married to Mr Ali’s son. The owner of the hotel you lodged in Morocco.
Mr Ali’s son? Ose Mr Ali has only one son and six daughters. And the only son of his I know is married. Infact he has two wives.
So, what if he has two wives? Don’t I have two wives? Is your mother not happy and satisfied with me? Look at you Efe, you successfully have a ghost for a wife and numerous side chic, aren’t they all happy? He concluded laughing.
Ose that wasn’t funny at all. Can’t you see you are the only one laughing?
That is my final verdict Efe! Ufoma is getting married to Ahmed, Mr Ali’s son. Think about it, it’s good business! And that will help mend the broken relationship that I now have with Mr Ali. It will also discredit all the recognition Ufoma is receiving when she becomes Ahmed’s third wife.
And that was how that jury came to an end. Father could not talk grandpa out of this. Anytime grandpa's verdict included good business, even grandma couldn’t say otherwise. I was dammed! This is the end of my journey, my whole ambition, my dreams, my standard. What would my friends say? Bisi would laugh at me now. And Onyeka? He will surly mock me. And Gideon? He and Adesuwa would laugh their teeth out, that’s for sure. I need to run away fast! My life can’t end like this. With just a suitcase packed, I sneaked out of the back door.
© 2020 Jade George Anibor