The Never Ending Tunnel - Chapter Ten
Chapter 10 / 18
Chapter 10 / 18
Two days had passed and the envelope with the letter was still under Will's pillow. He hadn't had the courage to post the letter just yet even though he knew he had to do it if he wanted to be with Jess. Time was passing by quickly and the more he waited the harder it will get for him. He had to post it and go with the plan. However, he woke up today; he decided that he was going to post the letter. There was no turning back now.
Will went to therapy as usual with the letter in his pocket, making sure that nobody had seen it. The weather was great. There wasn't a single cloud in the sky which was a pity really as if Jess hadn't moved to a different hospital; they would have enjoyed their usual walk.
Usually he would want the time to pass by fast but for the first time ever, today was not one of those days. Today he wanted things to go as slowly as possible so that he wouldn't have to go and post the letter. He was scared of failing and he wasn't quite ready to act yet but nonetheless, today was the today he was going to post the letter. Once he posted the letter, he had to act immediately as Jess would have been informed about his plan. He could feel his anxiety rising already and the day had just started.
Jess woke up with a smile on her face which was unusual considering what she has been through these past few days. She hadn't smiled in weeks, probably since the last time she had seen Will. Only today she realised that the reason behind her smile was because of night she had spent with Matt two days ago. That night brought so many memories to Jess that somehow it made her feel happy rather than sad. She was grateful that she had spent those weeks with Will and the one thing she wished for that there would be many more weeks where she could spend them with Will.
Jess had absolutely no idea what Will was about to do. She had no idea that he was about to put everything on the line just so the two of them could have a chance of being together. The more days passed by, the more Jess missed him.
"Is the medication making you feel suicidal?" The therapist asks Will each time they meet. And he would always respond in the same way
"No." He had been lying to her each time she asked that question. Deep down he was suicidal more than ever and he hadn't been this bad since day he got hospitalised.
"Do you have troubles falling asleep?"
"No". In reality he was barely getting any sleep. He just laid in bed, thinking and thinking until he fell asleep for a few hours. He would always look up to his clock on his bed side table and he would see that it was already three in the morning.
He was so tired of lying that he was about to come clean with the therapist. He was about to tell her that he wanted to kill himself more than ever, he was the worst he had ever been and that he hadn't slept in ages. He was tired of lying. He just wanted to be happy.
Just before he started spilling all these truths, he thought about Jess. He thought about how easier life would be if he was with her and so he kept his mouth shut. He couldn't take away and ruin the only chance they had of being together. He just had to post that letter and go through with the plan. It was very unlikely to succeed but he needed to take a chance. He couldn't give up now. He couldn't give up on Jess and the little possibility there was to be with her. She made him happy and he was willing to risk everything to be with her.
After the therapy session, Will skipped breakfast. He went outside and sat down on the benches. He started having doubts whether or not to post the letter. He was fed up of being so indecisive so decided to get up and go post the letter before he changed his mind again or before somebody found the letter and ruined his plan.
"Good morning Will, how's your day going?" Nurse Holly asked. The second Will stood up; she spotted him and went over to have a little chat. She always felt concerned about the patients and she always started conversations with everybody inside. She was the friendliest woman Will had ever met.
"I'm fine thank you. It's a beautiful day so I decided to come outside for a little walk if that's not a problem."
"Of course it's not. Just make sure not to go in the restricted areas. Have a nice day Will and I'll see you later."
He started making his way towards the letter box just around the corner. Nobody really used the letter box except for the staff who only post letters regarding the hospital. Some patients do receive letters from their families. Will never received anything though.
As Will started approaching the letter box he could feel his heart racing. He wanted to turn back and go inside. He wished that he wouldn't have to go through this. He just wanted to be with Jess and be happy with her and slowly get better with her. He wished things were that easy. His mind was telling him to turn back but his body kept moving forward.
He stood next to the letter box, contemplating whether or not he should post the letter one last time. If he posted the letter then that meant that he had to escape and break Jess out even though she hadn't yet known of the plan and he couldn't not go through with the plan now that he has posted the letter box. If on the other hand he didn't post the letter then that meant that he had to go back inside and continue the programme until he got the clearance and most likely live his life without Jess, something he definitely didn't want to happen. He held the letter in his hands and now he had to make a final decision.
"Sending a letter to your family?" he heard a familiar voice coming from the back. It was only Nurse Holly again but he was scared that somehow she knew what was going on.
"Yes I'm writing to my parents just to tell them that I'm okay and I'm doing much better. Just reassuring them that I'm okay." Will said putting up a fake smile. He hoped Nurse Holly didn't realise he was lying.
"That's so lovely of you Will. I'm so happy to see you doing so much better than the first day you came in. I hope you will return home to your family very soon." Will knew that Holly was the only nurse who really cared about the patients. He could see how she was so genuine and she did her job with love and not for the money.
He quickly posted the letter and joined Holly for a short walk back inside. He knew that now there was no turning back.
"Do you know how long it will take for the letter to arrive?" Will asked her nervously, wiping the sweat from his forehead.
"Maybe about three days. No longer than that for sure. The postman usually comes around every morning."
They went back inside and Will grabbed a plate and ate some breakfast really quickly. He wasn't hungry but he was so paranoid that he didn't want to make people suspicious of him for anything. He kept on thinking that somehow somebody knew what was really going on. Now that he had posted the letter, he didn't want to screw anything up and he had to try his best so that his plan would actually work out.
"Hey Jess, do you want to meet up later and watch some television."
"Thank you but I'm not really in the mood for anything tonight."
"Oh okay then. If you don't want to be alone just tell me." Jess saw how much Matt had been trying to try and make Jess feel better. She knew that he really cared about her and she was grateful for that.
Will was the only person she could think of. He was the only person she had been thinking about. She started thinking about how he was doing without her. She started having doubts whether or not he was better off without her. She felt as though she was a burden to everybody. These thoughts made her feel as though she didn't mean anything to him even though that wasn't
Matt came to Jess' door again. Matt knew whenever something was wrong with Jess and he knew that she needed somebody by her side even though she said she wanted to be on her own.
"Can I come in?" He asked.
"Sure." She said smiling at him.
"I'm not sure if I have said it before but thank you so much for listening to me. You're a great friend and I'm grateful that I have met you." Jess said.
"Thank you too and you know that whenever you need anything no matter what time it is I'm always here. I could use with your company too."
That night was one of those nights where Jess and Matt would talk to each other and rant to each other. They understood what the other was going through and it always feels better whenever a person who understands what you're going through listens to you and comforts you. Luckily for Jess she had met someone with whom she can talk to openly about her problems and worries. Even though he wasn't Will she still was grateful that she had somebody to talk to.
Will on the other hand sat down by himself as usual, not saying a word to anybody and nobody saying a word to him. He didn't have anybody to talk to or comfort him. It was just him and his thoughts. He was thinking about the plan he had come up with.
"Is it possible?" He started thinking to himself. "What if I fail and let Jess down again. Once she receives the letter she will be expecting to see me and if I fail then I will be letting her down again."
He couldn't believe what he had just gotten himself into. He didn't have another option though. He couldn't go on with his life without Jess by his side.
Apart from that Will was worrying about Jess' decision if he does succeed and somehow get himself to her hospital. He was worrying that she wouldn't want to go with him and stay and wait for her clearance instead. Will knew Jess and he knew that she wasn't very fond of breaking the rules. However, he knew that Jess loved him and he knew that she too wanted to be with him.