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The Chance of Doing My Life Over - Part Six

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Glance Back

There are chunks of my Life, that is Life One, that feel fictionalized, when matched to the version I am now.

But fame and acclaim mean nothing when you reach your seventies and are alone. Are alone because of the choices you made, the life you created.

When I woke from that coma in my nineteen year old body all I could think of was not making the mistakes I had.

I decided to become the person my parents wanted me to be.

I would not be that complete and independent woman who did and said and was, but the perfect sheep who fit into the society my family belonged to. Who was part of the gestalt I had abandoned.

Reflect

In Life One, I married at twenty two, as I did in this life. But the differences were enormous.

In Life One, deep in revolution, meeting people of different backgrounds, races, and falling in love resulted in singularity.

I was aware my family wouldn't approve of him, so we ran away and were married by a Registrar. I wore jeans and a polo, he wore a nice shirt.

We returned to the city. He went to his house, I to mine. I didn't tell my parents I had married for two weeks. When I did, I got to be officially dead.

To be Officially Dead meant I no longer existed. I had no family, no one but him.

And he was the text book abuser.

That mistake would not be made again.

In this Life, in Life Two, my parents adored my intended. He was the exact man they would select.

Our engagement was a huge celebration with everyone there, his side, my side, friends and family. Our wedding would be major, from dress to honeymoon it would be first class. Every relative, every friend would be there.

My mother and his mother, the new besties, planned everything.

Taking What Was Given

My dress was the kind I'd never wear in my past life. It was fussy and clumsy and made me feel like a mannequin, but the mothers liked it and so I smiled, said nothing, accepted it as a gift.

The Bride's Maid's dresses were an idiotic pink. I was sure my sister, who should be my 'Maid of Honor', would object and pout about how she wasn't going to my wedding if she had to wear the dress.

This is exactly what she did.

Pretending surprise at her rejection gave her a soap box which she mounted and went into a spiel about the dress and the ceremony.

When she shut up, I smiled and said, "Okay, I'll ask ..." and mentioned my Intended's sister.

Notice, no crying, begging, argument from me. This shocked her, caused her to stalk out of the bedroom we shared. I stood poised above the phone, waiting.

Wasn't a minute Mommy burst in, angry. "Your sister has to be your Maid of Honor whether she likes the dress or not..."

And I said, "No Mommy, she's being so intuitive and good about it. His sister has been ignored, and it is so kind to give her this wonderful chance to shine and cement our families. You should be bursting with pride at my sister!"

My mother was shocked, confused. She stared at me, not sure who I was, then mumbled, walked out. I gave my sister the largest plastic smile in my store.

Confused, she stumbled out and I phoned my fiancé's sister. She was overjoyed, and I felt so brilliant.

Take a sentence or action done for nefarious purposes, and twist it into a blessing.

I know my sister didn't want me to marry and go away. I know she was trying to spoil my wedding. But she couldn't.

Using the Second Chance

I thought over my First Life, and this one. I noted how in this one there was no dissension. That is because not only didn't I argue but would misinterpret insults to be compliments.

Getting this second chance I decided what was important to me and what was not.

Being part of a family was important. Being taken care of was important. Knowing if I stumbled people were there to catch me was important.

Being politically active, moving in high circles, having my opinion prized, was not important any more. Standing up for the rights of others, was not important.

Doing what was best for me was important and that is what I did.

On every occasion, my first thought, 'how does this profit me?' and I went with that.