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Rampant Thoughts


A failed attempt with too much time to introspect about self and other trivialities.


Part 11.

"Things have been amassing for quite some, time reaching a stage of either adjustment or collapse. Maturity cannot occur without the proper circumstances that allow it to stem and grow at an appropriate pace. Unique for everyone capable to understand its meaning, it's safe to say that a perfect way to mature is a myth. The charm of maturity stands in the exact aspect that makes it such a grueling and confusing process to go through. To remove any form of confusion I am referring completely to the idea of mental maturity since physical maturity is ironically quite similar for all. We all possess a certain level of potential to either brave through or bow down to the challenges that we face as we evolve through life. Depending on the potential each of us have in our possession we can arise as one of two options: mature or immature. Delving deeper on the subject I realize that maturity is dependent on so many other factors, such as intelligence, values, education and the list can go on. This isn't a study on maturity itself, this is an introduction inside my introspective battles between myself and the idea of maturity.

Striving to become better could be considered a reason to live. Applications are endless and it can be inserted in any way of life existent on the face of the Earth, with only one condition; determination. Through this idea, maturity also takes place in the background of one's life. Without determination, you cannot become better regardless of actions and thus you fall into immaturity.

Concepts such as these are very much dependent on the individual and his drive to push forward without hesitation while also not losing energy in his push. Though they remain constant in the mind of the individual, determination and energy will eventually begin to wane to the point where thoughts to act will remain just that, mere thoughts. Regaining determination and the energy to push might reappear the second day or they might be gone forever as life and its changes can drastically affect such matters.

The battle with the idea of maturity and all its facets has me wrapped into a cycle of confusion fueled by fear of the unknown. Put simply, I fear life and all its unspoken potential that more often than not has caused me to bow down to its might instead of confronting it with all I had. Paradoxically, I aspire to leave a mark on the world before the mark of death falls upon my head but so far that has remained nothing but an empty desire, adopted from ideas that spawned with the intent to entertain children, the epitome of immaturity. As I stubbornly recall everyday my so called goals in order to basically improve and become something more than the me of today I realize that I, as I speak, am constantly working at becoming a better me, though the steps are small.

Struggling is inevitable as the touch of struggle will test to see which path is to be chosen when we travel through life. Life is made of struggle and maturity is the goal that not many strive for but must possess in order to become the best version of themselves. This is the battle that I persist to conquer but so far efforts have been either too slow or none at all in matters of progression towards what it is envisioned inside my head. This matter isn't depressing but more along the lines of frustrating. Whether I will attain the maturity that I wish for remains, as always to be seen and though I am not too optimistic about the entire situation hope and persistence will die last."

© 2020 Bogdan L