Refusal to concede to reality despite the harsh truth being vividly public.
"The one to blame is I. What I am feeling at the moment is all because of my actions and though I should feel contempt I'd much rather lean towards disappointment. Unaware of repercussions, I chipped away with my complaints until piles amounted to entire graveyards of corpses known as words. Lacking the necessary maturity to withstand the weight of my own bleak thoughts, I ended up collapsing on the shoulders of someone undeserving of such burden.
Increasingly toxic in behavior and to top it off, selfish, I became the incipient droplet that continued to chip without hesitation at the foundation on top of which I had built my life on. Blinded by my desire to be relieved of the unrest boiling within, I relentlessly suffocated the one person sitting beside until they came to the conclusion that I was a detriment, thus choosing to distance themselves for their own good. Back to back from each other, we no longer can hear what the other says as if there would be a wall between us. Separated by an intangible wall, looking at each other from afar has become the norm. Unaware, I became a snake and my infectious bite has yet to find a cure to wash away the consequences that linger still, like shadows. Reaching out my hand will end up in rejection, same as hitting a translucent wall.
Looking with intent while repressing it all is smothering something inside that wishes for nothing but to have what has been lost returned. Going through all of this, I realize that even if the present situation isn't as clear as it once was, it doesn't signify that I will always be lost inside the mist, yearning for that touch of innocence and that maybe, it was time for it to move on and with it the self that lingered because of it. I am changing, ever so slightly and despite the plateau I find myself on I advance, once again, ever so slightly forward, hopeful to find a way out of the mist and through the wall, over to where I will hopefully retrieve what I blindly threw away."
© 2020 Bogdan L