I am a love coach, and an expert at developing the law of attraction in any relationship.
Hello officer, I am Mr Okeke and am here to complain about a thief that has been breaking into my house for some time now. He paused as he stared into the eyes of the inspector hoping to be taken seriously. Please I need police surveillance at my house 24hours. Emeka stressed his words to the extra large man in uniform, who sat staring hard at him as they sat in the police station.
No problem Mr Emeka. I will just call three of my boys. You can have them for the day and you will pay them.
Okay then no problem. I want them to watch my house everyday from a distance. Please call them now, let me take them there.
Alright Sir, they will be with you shortly.
While Emaka was at last finding a solution to his problems, some new ones were just created at Maggie’s.
Maggie woke up that morning with a jerk. She looked behind her and saw her husband seated on the chair close to their window.
Honey, won’t you be going to work today? Maggie asked her Peter as he sat reading his newspaper’s, unmoved about the tick of the clock.
After some silence he replied. No Maggie. And there is something I need to tell you. I wanted to last night but you felt unrelaxed and didn’t want to bug you.
What is it honey?
I lost my job yesterday. I received a letter of retrenchment from the company. I am officially jobless.
Wait Peter. Lifting up her manicured fingers at him. What did you just say? Gasping for breath.
I said, I have
Oh please I heard what you said Pete! She cut him short. I just don’t believe it.
Yea Maggie I didn’t believe it too then but when
Stop! Is this your scope to get me pregnant right Peter? She cuts him off again.
Honey I just lost my job! Show me some sympathy. Peter gasped. But anyways, he smiled wickedly as got up to sit on the bed where she now sat upright. I will be able to spend more time with you.
What do you mean, more time with me? Aren’t you going to look for another job?
Oh yea Maggie. Of course I will. But it’s just that I have made enough money that can even last us for years. So I just felt I should rest a bit at home with my sweet Maggie; you know spend more time with you, before I start searching
No no no Pete! Maggie lamented. I don’t want you to spend more time with me.
Because if we spend more time together you will get me pregnant!
But what is wrong in getting my wife pregnant?
Because I am a writer! I am not ready for child rearing! I just got this fantastic job that is only available for single ladies and you are asking me to get pregnant? If I get pregnant now, you will ruin my career!
Shut up Maggie! How can you just say all these rubbish! Just listen to yourself!
Yes Peter I am listening to myself right now, and I know you! Once I get pregnant it will be: Maggie stop writing, the baby in your womb needs to rest to grow well, Maggie don’t stay up late the baby in your womb needs to sleep, Maggie don’t do this, Maggie don’t do that. No Pete go look for another job now! You are smart and intelligent; many companies out there will want to employ you.
Okay, Okay, Maggie. I will go look for a job. I have heard you.
Thank you! Now that’s my husband.
But not until we make love this morning. He climbs over her pining her to the bed as she screams.
Wait Peter! I haven’t taken my birth control pills this morning!
Yea Maggie I know. He smiles wickedly at her again. So let’s make babies.
While Peter and Maggie were making love they never knew that their opposite neighbour was being robbed. If not for the 24hour surveillance; Rose would have succeeded.
Hey woman! What are you doing here? Rose froze not expecting anyone to challenge her. What are you doing here breaking into Mr Okeke’s house? So you are the thief? They asked.
Oh please I am Mrs Rose Okeke. Mr Okeke’s wife. She told the police men.
Mr Emeka is divorced! One of the men shouted back.
Okay fine! I am his ex wife, at least there is still the word wife in there. She said getting irritated.
But you have no right to break into his house. And we were told by Mr Emeka that only him lives here, so anybody that enters here without him being present is a thief.
Oh please shut up! Who the hell do you guys think you are? Is it because you are putting on his rotten black uniform?
Hmmm officer Kayode! Did you hear that? Staring at his colleague. This woman just insulted two police officers. Ma please put your hands behind your back, because anything you say will be used against you in the court of law.
Court of law? Rose repeated eyes wide open. Please don’t arrest me. Am just a divorced woman trying to make her husband love her again. Please I beg you.
But all that; fell on deaf ears as they forcefully grabbed her, and headed for the police station.
Some 15minuets later they were in the compound of the police station. And one of the police men decided it was time to call Emeka and give him the good news.
Hello Mr Emeka, this is officer Kayode.
Emeka’s rich voice could be heard from the other end by his ex wife, as he replied cheerfully.
Sir we just caught the thief that has been breaking into your house; her name is Rose Okeke.
Oh thank you so much officers. You got the right thief! Now please put her in cell, I shall stop by in the evening.
Yes sir, Okay sir. He hangs off. Madam! We are at the station, get down from the car! He shouted at Rose.
Okay okay don’t push me. Just let me come down myself. At least my hands are handcuffed so there is little or nothing I can do. Oh my legs! She screamed.
What is it ma? Coming over to the other side of the car to meet her.
immediately, Rose decided to run, and run she did. Behind her she could hear the police men shouting: what are you doing madam! How far can you run! Come back here!
Soon enough she was caught and taken to be behind bars till Emeka’s arrival.
Rose was not the only wife on paradise street that was losing it or about to lose it.
As Nike sat at home wondering what funny thoughts her mind has been entertaining recently, she was happy to have been distracted by heavily regnant Linda who was due for delivery anytime soon.
Nike dear how are things going? Linda asked as she rubbed her big belly feeling her son’s kicks. She had found out months ago that she would be having a baby boy, and the name had already be chosen; George Jr.
Well my house looks organized. She forced out a laugh. Ayo has gone out with his crazy mind. It’s even better he is out. At least am not scared of the house getting burnt again.
You talking about Ayo? What about George that got arrested twice! One day after another.
Oh Linda, these our writer husband’s are crazy! How I wish the world can see what their wives go through when they release a good story, poem, script or articles. They will feel sorry for us.
Not just feeling sorry Nike. But the world will get to read the real stories behind the cover of the writer’s mind.
Linda do you know I get sick anytime my husband calls that writer Maggie on the phone and listens to her poems and screams ‘’I love you Maggie, and what will I do without you”.
Linda now laughing hard at Nike's silly jealousy. Yours is even small, imagine what it’s like to live with George. It’s like living with a mad man. Now he is suffering from writers insanity and presently visiting a psychologist.
Hey Linda let’s change the topic, I think the kids are back. She wasn’t done with that line when she received a harsh greeting from her daughter Titi.
Good afternoon mummy, good afternoon aunty Linda.
Hello Titi you back! How was school today?
Terrible! She answered.
Why honey; her mother getting concerned.
This is Miss Felicia’s poems! She flung them on the table. Give it to daddy.
Honey, don’t tell me you still not speaking with your daddy because of that little thing that happened in your school during your open day?
Mum you call that little? Looking shocked. Everyone thinks my dad is dating Mrs Felicia because he told her ‘I love you' in the presence of my classmates! Do you know how embarrassing that is? Am going to my room! She marched off.
Immediately her brother comes in looking cold. So different from Titi's expression.
Hello mum, hello Mrs George.
Hello Tunde, how was school today?
What! You too? His mother asked.
Mum, rumor has it that dad is dating Titi’s class teacher; Miss Felicia. Do you know how embarrassing that is? Of course you don’t! You are his muse. But I won’t be surprised if Miss Felicia loses her job because of this.
Nike looks at Linda and gave her a look she knew too well to mean; what the hell is going on?
Little did she know that her friend who is one of the wives on the street just echoed that loud from a prison cell.
What the hell! She spat at Emeka who just walked in to the police station and stood in front of her cell smiling at her.
Rose, Rose, how has it been? Well you just spent five hours anyway. Did you take a nap?
Shut up Emeka! And get me out!
Hey Rose chill. Not so fast. Will you steal my books again? Or break into my house? Or tell my kids to urinate into my fruit juice?
Wow they did that? Those kids are brilliant!
Really Rose? Okay sleeptite. See you tomorrow. He pretends to leave.
Hey Emeka! You do know that Gloria and Francis will be out right? They must have been sitting in the compound since they returned from school. The house key is with me. Sulking hard.
No Rose. You see, unlike you I don’t drag our kids into our messy divorce or relationship. I called Nike earlier on to take care of them till I return. Surprise!
Oh please Emeka let me out of here. I won’t do childish things again I promise.
Good girl! Now you talking. Officer! He called out. Please you can release her now.
© 2020 Jade George Anibor