Jackie Lynnley shares emotional times in her life in hopes of touching someone with like thoughts or feelings, feelings from the heart.
I truly believe I had this experience although I have absolutely no understanding of such things. I believe it was a benefit not only to me so distraught about my dying father but also for my father being forcibly taken from this life in a manner I certainly did not approve of nor think humane.
Out of Body Experience
I have never been engulfed in such sorrow as I was these many days and I just walked in remorse of ever leaving my dad with anyone else to care for him. I had no choice. Reasons were not given to me and I know my care for my dad had been better than anyone so far. More successful at least. In fact, even the therapist who had been coming in before Mom called me to come help, had given up trying. Refusing to come back.
Since then I had convinced my dad to try and he had gotten the will to fight and live. He was just weeks if not days away from walking on his own. His voice was still weak from his stroke but I knew he understood me and he was now making small conversation. He would ask for certain things or tell me his feet were dry or hurting. Being diabetic this was not unusual but it was such a big step for him to ask for help again and be specific. Few others even knew this, for they never came to see. They never even called.
It was true that other than visiting my dad in the hospital when he had his stroke I was not there for the worst of it. Surely now that he was doing better and would probably recognize them they would want to see him. I had not asked for or wanted any help from them. Things had been really hard the first few weeks but now they were going so miraculously well!
Until I was fired, with my mother's permission. Now there was nothing I could do and Mom was not around to talk to or reason with.
The notion and speculation of communication via dreaming was first mooted in psychoanalysis by Sigmund Freud in 1921.
Wasted Days and Wasted Nights
Nights were like days and even knowing my dad would never be conscious in this life again I just felt him wanting my attention. No one could comfort me and my only sleep seemed to be in short jerky naps.
The last night came and I seemed to know that it was. My husband said it was because I was so tired, I had no way of knowing. I went to bed as usual and after laying there maybe an hour feeling this would be my dad’s last night on earth I was suddenly right in his hospital room. I saw his nurse but she could not see me.
I walked up to Dad's bedside. He opened his blanket for me to come to be with him. I almost floated into his bed and slid my arms around his neck and we both were so comforted. We spoke to each other without speaking, it was as if we were both of one mind. Thoughts, words, and feelings were exchanged and never was a sound uttered. I went to sleep in his arms so very happy. I knew he felt the same way. He was sleeping, too.
Life Flashing Before My Eyes
It wasn’t my life flashing before my eyes nor my father’s life. It was only our life together. It was not the things I already remembered but things I had completely forgotten.
My very first memories of just me and Dad were him taking me for my shots. I hated needles and was terrified of these immunizations required for going to school. I would never be a baby or cry in front of my dad, though. He did not put up with any nonsense and I knew it. My mom did not drive and even if she did she could not handle that job with the three boys younger than me, one a baby. So it was always Dad and although I remember no soft or kind words (he never said mean or cruel things either) I always felt safe with him.
How did he know how terrified I was? Apparently, he did for there was always a gift and not of my choosing so either Mom told him what to buy or he used his own judgment. However it was, the gift was always there to admire on the way home and thoughts of the shot were all but forgotten. I had not felt this safeness in so long but now I did. A grown woman recalling the feelings of being a child. Knowing her parent would protect them no matter what happened.
Love is Not Always Seen
I recalled the fishing trips my dad had taken just me on. Most times it was only my brothers he took. I saw things of love he had done that I did not even recognize as love at the time. Helping me to learn to bait a hook; laughing at me trying to cast out the line and almost getting him instead, or a tree behind us.
I saw the time when I was fifteen and ran outside barefoot stepping on broken glass my brothers had forgotten to clean up. I screamed to high heaven it went so deep and hurt so bad. He ran out and picked me up, carrying me to the porch and setting me in a chair. The dad who hardly had two words to say comforted me and treated me better than any doctor ever would. He washed all the blood away, disinfected and bandaged it tight to stop the bleeding. He told me it could use stitches but he thought he had bound it up to go back together good if I would stay off it a couple days. I didn’t want to go for stitches and this was the best medicine I had ever had. I couldn’t understand the joy that such pain gave me.
I saw a couple years later after the bad car accident I was in and the concern in my dad’s face being told I would not live through the night. I was in a coma, I had no way to witness this and yet I was seeing him cover his face and cry, almost sobbing.
Then I saw the joy when he knew I was going to live.
My father loved me and he had shown me in so very many ways. Now I could see it so clearly.
Out of Body Experience
Two Places at Once
When I woke the next morning, I was still there in his bed. I knew he was gone but it was alright, this was all in the understandings without speech just hours earlier. I felt no sorrow. I was spared them removing his dead body and I never once saw it. I walked out back of the hospital and something like an ambulance I knew held his body but I knew he was no longer there. This was the most special visit I had ever had with my dad. More love and warmth were shared telepathically than ever in our lives together. Yet, I saw how very much love had always been there.
I knew it was time for me to go back home. Dad was in good hands and I would be alright with that.
I woke in my bed at home having slept the whole night, or did I? Nothing has ever felt more real to me than this and I was sure this all happened. I had no sooner gotten up than my husband came to tell me someone had called and my dad had passed a few hours before. But I knew it. I was there.
- My Out of Body Experience - Part One of Two
An out of body experience of a father and daughter comforting one another while both were so obviously in fear at a time of death and separation from this life.
© 2017 Jackie Lynnley