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Mother: A Doppleganger Novella (Part 6)

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Part 6

After tossing and turning for a while, I took out my Ipad and located what usually helps on nights like this. My binaural beats finally allowed me a few hours of sleep before dawn.

I’ve always been an insomniac. Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve had trouble falling asleep. I’ve tried many things over the years to help me fall asleep faster. I’ve tried over the counter medication, Melatonin, Valerian Root, and even went to see a doctor in hopes in finding a prescription solution. The prescription medication worked for a while, till it eventually stopped.

A few years ago, I ran into an old acquaintance from college, Ginny. Ginny and I were English majors and we shared a love of books and writing. She was a nice person, very kind and sensitive. Ginny had always been all about the alternative side of things. I think that's why I liked her, she was interesting and different from the girls that I knew then.

Ginny claimed to be psychic and I kind of believed it. There was a few times when she knew things. Things that she had no way of knowing. Ginny could see auras, read Tarot, and palms, too. When I ran into Ginny, she didn’t have to use her psychic ability to see that I looked like hell from lack of proper sleep. She invited me to a lecture on binaural beats and how they may help different issues that a person could be having trouble with. I didn’t really want to go at first, but she kept calling me and talked me into going.

I was open to alternative ways of dealing with insomnia. I've tried new age music to fall asleep and I remember that I liked the calming sounds. I decided to give the lecture a try, in case, there was something that would help. I didn't want to go back to prescriptions again.

The lecture was a bit confusing at first and I needed Ginny to help me understand some of the terms that I was not familiar with. Basically, binaural beats are the use of two different frequencies, one in each ear. It boils down to the brain experiencing an auditory illusion. The theory is that binaural beats can help create the frequency needed for your brain to create the same waves commonly experienced during a meditation practice. From there, you can experiment with different binaurals and find ones that help with anxiety, sleep, and even helping people who have chronic pain.

After the lectur, I started looking for binaural videos on YouTube. I wasn't sure at first, but they actually worked!

I started to use binaural beats for other issues besides insomnia. I experimented with binaurals for anxiety, headaches, and stress. I had to get used to having ear buds in as I tried to get comfortable. Ear buds are necessary for the auditory illusion since each ear experiences a different frequency.

The incidents with my double got me thinking about astral projection and I have seen videos on YouTube about astral projection. I thought, what if I used binaural beats to somehow get in touch with my double? I knew that people used astral projection and lucid dreaming in order to get in touch with spirit guides, twin flames, and other such entities.

There was videos that use binaurals for traveling to other dimensions. Maybe there was a possibility that I could get in touch with my double through traveling to another dimension or through astral projection. I thought about this for days. Maybe there was another world where my double exists and somehow, the worlds were coexisting, but only when certain conditions happen. I wasn't sure what the conditions could be. However, that would definitely explain how she is aging so quickly. Maybe the conditions that need to be there for two worlds to come together take a few years in her dimension and mere months in my world.

When she is present in my world, others have seen her. She spoke to someone in my world, the waitress, and was heard.. The waitress at the restaurant was able to take her drink order for my birthday. My double is as aware of my existence as I am of hers. Still, my theory doesn't explain the song from the 1930's that no one else hears but me and she seems to know much more about me than I do about her.

I kept all this to myself, of course. I figured, if astral projection works and I was able to travel to another dimension, then maybe I would get some answers. The worst that could happen is that nothing happens at all and I learn nothing. The next day, I started searching YouTube and other websites for astral projection videos, to travel to other dimensions through binaural beats.

I started with the lucid dreaming binaurals a few nights later. The first few times, I had no success, but then I was able to have some control over my dreams. It was frightening at first. The dreams were very vivid and had nothing "dream" like about them. I had a lucid dream about my first love, who was actually a good person. I was very young when we were together and I had no real idea of what a serious relationship entailed. The dream consisted of nothing more than a hug between us, but it felt so real, like I was truly in his arms. I felt his arms around me, I even smelled his cologne. I woke up only to find myself alone, the experience left me mourning for a lost love.

After the experiments with lucid dreaming, I felt ready to try astral projection. I started with guided meditation that is supposed to lead to leaving the corporeal body behind. Once the corporeal body is left, there is a tether that will lead your spirit back, once you're ready to go back to your body. The idea of leaving my body was scary, but having a tether made it somewhat better or that was what I told myself.

The first five or six times were disappointing. I felt myself falling asleep and nothing felt different. I realized that the guided astral projection method wasn't working. As I was listening to the guide speak, my mind wandered and I wasn't able to relax. I was able to find some videos that used music without a guide. The video was dark with binaural beats leading to a trance that allow for astral projection to take place. The binaurals are veiled with new age music and I was finally able to relax enough for something to happen.

I felt myself somehow "lift". I was sure that I was no longer restricted and was flying over a far away city. At first, I thought that it was all a dream, vivid, but just a dream. I decided that there was only one way to do this and that was to keep practicing. I used the binaural beats again and again with varying degrees of success. Sometimes, I was sure that I left my body behind and was visiting other worlds and other times, I told myself that it was just a dream.

On the weekends, I tried the travel in the afternoon as well as the evening. I didn’t have much of a social life, so I had plenty of time to do this. My mother would often call me and I would visit her on Sundays. She was not doing well, health wise. I was afraid for her and to be honest, for myself as well. I was afraid of losing her.

I was also afraid if my double (and her song that no one else hears but me). Maybe all this was a sign of severe mental illness. Still, I was determined to understand why I was seeing her and if she is, in fact, a figment of my imagination, then I would find some help.

The first time that I truly felt that I had traveled to another dimension, came a month after I started my experiments. I had been hearing her song in different places and different times. Sometimes, I would make a funny comment about how old the song was, but no one seemed to know what I was talking about. No one ever heard it, but me.

It was on a Saturday afternoon, when I decided to try the travel, but this time, I was going to use the binaurals for connecting with a spirit guide. I puled the shades on my bedroom windows and laid down on my bed. I did some breathing exercises and then, I put my ear buds in. I closed my eyes and the music started, veiling the binaural beats. I quickly fell into a relaxed state and quickly, found myself in a world that I knew not to be my own.

I was in big field that was covered in green grass and wild flowers. I knew this place well. All my life, whenever I thought of a perfect place, I thought of a green field that was covered with wild flowers underneath a bright blue sky. I was alone at first in the field, but then I saw a figure coming towards me. I couldn’t tell if the figure was a man or a woman. The figure was dressed in a flowing, crimson garment and there was a bright white aura around it.

I stood there, wondering what I could say or do. This was an experience that I have never had before. To be honest, I never really believed in spirit guides and other such beings. I always thought that one's intuition is the spirit guide to a certain extent and that a spirit guide is not an actual being. I believe in God, however, I knew that this being, that was walking towards me was, not God. I suppose the being read my mind because he (I decided that the being was male, but I wasn’t 100% sure) said, “I’m not God, but I’m here to help you find your way.”.

I told him that I was grateful. For some reason, it never occurred to me to ask for his name. I felt that he wasn't a human being, but I never asked him what he was. I wondered why I never did, but maybe he planted that idea in my mind. The being’s face was kind and his eyes were large and green. I walked with him through the field of wild flowers. It felt like I was there for hours. I asked him questions. I didn’t always get an answer.

© 2021 Johanna Elattar

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