Lost in You: A Short Story Part 2
"Sarah wrapped her arms around him and fell into the abyss…again."
Sunday morning, the early morning sun was gleaming through the sheer curtains. Sarah groggily woke, not sure at first where she was, then, she remembered…Marc. She turned over to see his gorgeous face sleeping, awash in the sunlight and she lightly stroked his face. He stirred a bit but stayed a sleep. She thought to herself, Jesus, I was really aggressive last night. I don’t know what came over me. Then she looked at Marc, and she knew. She wanted to possess him and that scared her a little bit. Just then he woke up and pulled her close. “Good morning.” He kissed her lightly.
“Good morning.” Sarah smiled.
“How about we shower, get dressed and get some breakfast?” He started kissing her neck.
Sarah softly moaned, “Look at you assuming I have no plans today.” He stopped kissing her momentarily, “Oh, do you have something you’d rather be doing than this? He captured her mouth and kissed her greedily, making her sigh. Pulling away, “I may. Maybe I have another man waiting for me somewhere.” She said taunting him in a flirty manner.”
“Like hell you do!” He pulled her to him roughly and began kissing her with urgency. Sarah wrapped her arms around him and fell into the abyss…again.
Awhile later, they had gotten up and showered and dress, and Sarah saw Marc staring at her contemplatively. “Marc, you okay?”
“Sarah, do you remember last night when you asked me whether I thought I’d lose interest if we had sex and I said I’d be hooked?”
“Yes.” Her brow furrowed wondered where this was going.
“Well, as I suspected. I am. So I’d like us to take a step back and just meet each other for dates.”
“You’re joking, right?” Sarah could tell he wasn’t but she thought he was acting crazy.
“No. I am perfectly serious. I won’t be able to think clearly if we keep this up and I also suspect we will spend all our time doing this instead going out and enjoying each other’s company.”
“I see. So you’re deciding this for us, without asking me what I want.” Sarah couldn’t keep the irritation out of her voice. She was pissed. Why men thought they could just arbitrarily decide things in a relationship without discussing it with their partner, was beyond her.
“Sarah, I’m deciding it for me. I need physical space or I know I will be so hooked that I will become jealous. We just met. What is so wrong about wanting to take it slow?”
“Well, you should have thought of that last night!” She threw a pillow at him. She knew she was acting like an idiot, but she didn’t care. She didn’t want to stop their sexual relationship. She was also hooked, and unlike him, she didn’t care about the ramifications of going too fast. She wanted him and she didn’t want anyone else to have him. That thought gave her chill up her spine. What the hell is wrong with me? Despite knowing he was probably right, she wasn’t interested in stopping.
“Sarah, that’s not fair. I really tried. But it’s a stronger man than me who could resist you. I told you I was drawn to you. I tried to resist but this connection is hard to deny, so I gave in.”
“Ohhhh, so now it’s my fault?!” She knew she sounded like a nut but she also knew she didn’t want admit he was right, on principle. One of her character flaws, Ana would say.
Marc tried to pull her into his embrace. “Sarah, please be reasonable. We barely know each other but I want that. I want to know more. I know this feels like I am pulling away or rejecting you. I am definitely not. I just want to go slow.” Sarah pushed him away. “No. I don’t want to stop. I want to lay with you every night. I don’t see why this matters. Why we can’t do both. This is ridiculous. Forget breakfast. I am going home. Call me when you come to your senses!” Sarah walked out slamming the door behind her. Out on the street, she paused. She didn’t really know why she just did that. She didn’t even feel that angry. She sighed and looked up at his window, half expecting him to be there looking down, but he wasn’t. On the subway back to the hostel, her phone pinged with a message from Marc. Sarah, please don’t be angry. Can you call me tomorrow? I really want to take you out to dinner.
She stared at the message and knew she wasn’t going to answer him. She knew she was wrong but she couldn’t seem to stop this car crash of her own making. She also knew she needed to think without Marc in her head, which is basically conceding he was right, not that she’d admit it to him. She was ridiculous like that.
"...You do know you sound like a crazy person, right now, right?”
Since she was being stubborn and stupid, she decided to call Ana. She answered on the first ring.
“Hola, chica. Che pasa? Because if you’re calling and not texting, something must be up.” Ana knew Sarah hated talking on the phone.
“Oh Ana, I am so happy and angry and stupid.” Sarah was starting to sob, her words coming out fast paced and slurred.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down. What happened? Wait. Didn’t you meet Marc last night?”
“Yes. And Oh. My. God…”
“What?! Spit it out.”
Taking a deep breath, Sarah began, “Okay. So we met at El Paraigua and we had instant sexual chemistry. We were flirting immediately and then we kissed and it was like my head exploded. We went downstairs to dance and it was so much fun. We danced nonstop for like two hours…”
“…So? What’s the problem?” Ana interrupted. “I am getting to it. So, after that we sat and drank and talked and flirted and kissed some more. Then he said he wanted to take things slow and I definitely disagreed so I was super aggressive, and I do not know where that came from, and convinced him we should have sex even though he didn’t initially agree. I, um…” Sarah cleared her throat, “managed to, ahem, convince him otherwise and we went back to his place and had mind blowing sex…”
“I am still not seeing a problem.” Ana impatiently interrupted again.
“Will you just wait?! I’m getting to it. So in the morning, he reiterated his desire to take this slow, this I add, after making love to me yet again. So we started to argue because I don’t want to stop having sex. I don’t understand why we can’t continue this way and also get to know each other?” By now, Sarah had worked herself into a fervor and Ana could hear it.
“And where does he get off deciding this for both of us?!” Her voice getting higher.
“You did something stupid didn’t you? And now the issue is you’re mad at yourself because you’re too proud to take it back and admit he’s right. Am I close? Also, why on earth would you have an issue with a guy liking you enough to want to take it slow??”
“You don’t understand!”
“What? What don’t I understand? You do know you sound like a crazy person, right now, right?”
Sarah was silent on the other end of the phone.
“Yeah, I am here. I really do sound like a loon, don’t I?”
“A major one. So what’s really the problem?”
“He said in the bar that if we had sex, he’d be hooked. Then in his apartment, he said he was. What if we stop…what if we stop and…he loses interest or discovers he doesn’t like me?”
“Oh, Sarah. So, love at first sight is a real thing, huh?”
Sarah sighed heavily. “I don’t know if it’s that, but I do know this feeling is new and I am scared.”
“So, instead of behaving rationally and talking it out with him, you decided to pick a fight? Do you really disagree with his request?
“Yes, I mean, no, a little. I mean, Ana, the sex is amazing and our connection is mind blowing. I just don’t want to lose that, but no, I don’t disagree with him completely.”
“I think you need to call him and talk…away from his apartment.”
“I feel like an idiot. I cannot face him…just yet. He keeps messaging me though.”
“If he is still messaging you, you owe it to him and yourself to correct this, talk it out and apologize, because as your friend, I am telling you, you were definitely wrong here.”
“I know. I will. I just need a little time.”
“Don’t take too long or you will lose him.”
Sarah sighed heavily. “Thanks for the ear and advice, Ana. Love ya!”
“Love ya too, chica. Bye!”
Sarah laid on her bed rereading all of Marc’s pleas for her to call or text him, to hear him out. She turned over and started to cry and wondered what the hell was wrong with her.
“You don’t know what you do to me. I am all turned on right now. I want you.”
A week later, Sarah still hadn’t contacted Marc and he was feeling pretty low. He was so sure he had said and done the right things. They had moved too fast. It freaked him out and he definitely didn’t want what was between them to fizzle out and then he’d lose his chance with her. He tried to convince her to talk to him but she hadn’t responded to any of his messages, even though he know she read them. He was tempted to go to her university to find her but decided that seemed creepy. So he’d wait and hope she would come to him. In the meantime, he’d try one more message.
Marc’s message came in while Sarah was taking her mid-term exam, so she didn’t see the message until much later when she remembered to check her phone. Sarah, I really want you in my life. Please let’s talk. Even if it’s just for a few minutes. You can pick the place and time. Marc. He had put little hearts after his name. She decided it was time. She was about to message him and say she could meet him Saturday when she remembered this was the weekend her friend was coming from Denmark. Shit. She was going to have to wait until next weekend to work this out with Marc. She could at least call him though. She dialed his number and listened to it ring. “Sarah!” He sounded out of breath and Sarah’s irrational brain leapt right to he was having sex with someone. “I’m so glad you called. Can we meet and talk?”
“Why are you out of breath?” Oops. Verbal diarrhea. Jealous much, Sarah. Stop being an idiot. Sarah berated herself. “Oh, I was in the shower when I heard the phone ring. Ever since you left, I’ve become obsessed with checking my phone. Always hoping you’d call. So when I heard the phone ring, I jumped out of the shower to answer it.”
Sarah started imagining his fit body glistening with water, wrapped in a towel, and she squeaked. She actually squeaked. “Sarah, are you okay?”
“Oh, um..” She cleared her throat, “yeah, I was, uh, just imagining you…you know…oh forget it. Listen, I think we should talk, but my friend is coming in from Denmark this weekend, so I can’t meet you until next Saturday. Is that okay?”
“Yes, Sarah. I can wait for you.” He sounded kind of breathy.
“Why do you sound like that?”
“Like what?” Marc didn’t realize she could hear the anticipation and didn’t want to admit just then, what she did to him. She had been imagining him out of the shower, holy hell.
“You sound all breathy.”
She heard him sigh. “You still don’t know or understand?”
“You were imagining me coming out of the shower, huh?” Now he sounded like he was panting. “You don’t know what you do to me. I am all turned on right now. I want you.”
Sarah was feeling it as well, just from a phone call for god’s sake. She sighed deeply.
“Marc, I have to go. But I’ll see you next Saturday? How about at 11, at that café near your apartment?”
“Okay, Sarah. That’s fine. I’ll see you then.”
“Slowly, Sarah, slowly.”
The weekend with her friend went by so quickly and soon it was Thursday. Marc hadn’t messaged her at all since they spoke and Sarah was worried he had already moved on even though they had plans to meet on Saturday, so she decided to message him. Hi Marc. Are we still meeting on Saturday? Her phone pinged with his immediate response. Yup. That’s it. just “yup”. She was tempted to message him again to ask if he was busy, but she didn’t. That’s when she realized he was absolutely right. They didn’t know each other and that his request was more than reasonable and that she had a lot of to apologize for. Hopefully, he’d still give her a chance. With that thought fresh her mind, she went to sleep early that night. She was emotionally tired.
Saturday came and Sarah walked into the café expecting to see Marc waiting for her. She knew she was a bit early but since it was close to his apartment, she thought he’d be there already. She started to panic that he changed he mind and she just wasn’t worth it. Oh, for heaven’s sake, pull up your big girl panties and sit your ass down. It is not even 11 am yet. She chided herself. So she decided to take a deep breath and order a café con leche and sit down. While she was stirring the sugar into her coffee and zoning out, she suddenly felt hands on her shoulders and looked up and saw Marc, beautiful as ever. She sucked in her breath. He bent down and kissed her cheek. “I’ve missed you so much.” He asked as he sat down. “How have you been?” He smiled at her. He seemed almost cheery.
I’ve been awful but I can’t tell you that, just yet. “I’ve been okay. You?”
“Oh? What’s going on?” She tried to smile at him, but her stomach would not stop flip-flopping and she thought she might just vomit. “Nothing much, just that I get to look at you today.” He gave her his flirty smile and his sparkled with teasing mirth.
“Oh…Marc, I have something I need to say to you.” Immediately, all the teasing left his eyes and he stopped smiling. “You don’t want to see me anymore.” He said flatly.
“What?! No, that’s not it. You know we have a connection. I know you feel it. Why would I want to stop seeing you?”
He remained quiet for a time, and then looked up at her, his eyes serious. “What do you want Sarah? Tell me what it is so we can move further together.”
“First, I want to tell you I am so very sorry. I acted like a crazy person. At first, I didn’t why I reacted that way at your simple request. But after awhile, I thought about it and I realized this connection we have scares the hell out of me. I have never felt this way with anyone. I think I thought if we didn’t stay connected sexually that you would lose interest in me and I would lose you. So, I am sorry. If you still want to try dating, slowly, then, I want to do it your way.”
Marc reached over and took both of Sarah’s hands into his, and looked into her eyes. Quietly he said, “Thank you. You will not regret this. And I’m already so lost in you that there isn’t much chance I am ever going to lose interest. He leaned forward and kissed her sweetly on the lips. Sarah tried to deepen the kiss, but Marc pulled away and looked at her,
“Slowly, Sarah, slowly.” Sarah sighed and exhaled and repeated his words. “Slowly. Got it.”
After the café they went to Bosc Urba, an adventure park with bungee jumping and rope climbing. They raced each other through the main course with Marc winning only one minute ahead of Sarah. They had such a good time, laughing and teasing and touching. Oh, the little touches. Marc would put his hand on her lower back to help her up a log or a step or he would catch her when she jumped down, which would result in their bodies gliding against each other. It was constant subtle foreplay and Sarah thought she was going to lose her ever-loving mind. When they left the park they, it was a little after 3 pm, so they decided to go to the beach. They laid a blanket down and went for a walk holding hands and talking. She learned a lot about him that day. It made her heart squeeze more. He did not stop the little touches all day. She alternated between wanting him to stop to begging him for more. When they went back to the blanket, Marc sat up while Sarah leaned against him; each of them reading their own books. Just sitting there quietly but still touching, Sarah began to understand what Marc wanted and how much better it was like this. She looked up at him and smiled and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you. This was an amazing day. I loved being with you.” He kissed her softly. “You’re welcome. I’ve loved spending the day with you too.” They stayed like that until 5 pm. Then they left the beach. Sarah tried to initiate some flirting to extend their day, but to Sarah’s dismay Marc put the brakes on. He kissed her lightly and said, “We’ve had an amazing date and I’d really like to see you tomorrow if you’re not busy.”
“I’m not busy but you know…” She waggled her eyebrows at him, “If I slept over, you wouldn’t have to miss me.”
He took both her hands in his and looked at her face, “Sarah, breathe. Say it with me, slowly. We agreed.”
“Can’t we just sleep side by side?” Marc groaned.
“You know very well that is not all we’d do and that is your goal. So stop it. Go home and I will see you tomorrow.” He kissed her goodbye and left her at the subway entrance.
She sighed deeply. Good god, when did she turn into a sighing waif?! When she met this guy, that's when. He took her breath away. Made her crazy with his touches and smiles. His little kisses that hinted at more were driving her insane. She huffed and went down the subway stairs.
Sunday morning it turned out Marc had a surprise for her. He was going to take her on a boat for the day. They took the train to Sitges and then they walked to the harbor where a boat was docked. He explained it was his boat that an uncle had left to him. He had been close to the uncle because they shared a love of boating. They spent the day anchored in the sea. Drinking cava, eating pintxos, and just talking. By midday, it was really hot and so they jumped into the sea to swim and cool off. After their swim, they docked the boat and had lunch at one of the beachside restaurants. They walked back to station hand in hand, both tan and smiling from the relaxing day. At the station, Marc turned to Sarah, “Let’s go see a movie tonight. What do you think?” Sarah kissed him, “Okay!”
They chose “Bad Boys Forever” but Sarah couldn’t say what happened in the movie because Marc and her were all over each other in the movie, touching and kissing. By the end of the movie, she was so tightly wound, she was sure she could bounce down the street like a spring. They left the theater holding hands and while they were walking down the street, Marc asked, “Can we have dinner on Wednesday night? I don’t think I can wait until Saturday to see you again.”
“I can’t Wednesday. I have plans. How about Tuesday?”
“I can’t Tuesday, I have to go to Madrid on a business trip Monday and Tuesday and I come back Wednesday morning. What are you doing Wednesday?”
Sarah couldn’t say why but she felt annoyed that he was asking her that. She never asked him what he was doing. “I’m going out drinking with some classmates. Why?”
“Can’t you reschedule?”
“Marc, you can’t be serious. There are 10 of us. I can’t just ask them all to rearrange their schedules so we can go on a date. It took a lot to get all of us to be available on the same night. So no, I cannot reschedule.”
“Are there men going?”
Sarah looked at incredulously. “Yes, of course there are men. So what?”
“I want to come. Can I come?”
“No, Marc. This is a school thing. What is with you?”
“I don’t want you to go.”
“Yeah, you don’t get to dictate that. I can’t believe you would even suggest it.” Sarah’s face started to turn red in anger. Marc put his hand on the back of her neck and pushed her forward and kissed her a bit forcibly. Sarah tried to push him away but eventually surrendered to their connection and kissed him back greedily. “I don’t want other men drinking around you. They’ll want you.”
“Oh my God. You’re jealous.”
“Yes.” He replied flatly.
“Let me get this straight. You wanted to ‘date’ and take things slowly. We are not in a committed relationship, not that I think we should or shouldn’t be, but you’re expecting me not to spend any time around other men unless you are present. Do I have that right?”
His eyes were suddenly dark and piercing. “Yes. I don’t like it.”
“Well, tough. We are dating. My classmates are just that, my classmates. And I need you to trust me.”
“I do trust you. I don’t trust them.”
“Regardless, focus on me. I only want you. Trust in me. And I’m still going. Now how about meeting Thursday?”
Marc mumbled something.
“What was that?”
“I said I want to see you sooner.”
“Well, it’s not possible. However, if you want to break your rule…” she winked at him, “and have a sleepover tonight, you can get a little more of me.”
He pulled her into his embraced and hugged her tight and exhaled. “No. It’s too soon. I’ll wait until Thursday.”
They said goodbye that evening at her hostel doorway and Sarah went straight to bed.
She thought "...this can’t be happening to me."
Wednesday night she went out with her friends from school and they went to the cheap student bar near the school and chugged down a lot of cheap beer and laughed their heads off. At the end of the night a few them that didn’t have cars, were going in the same direction but Sarah was going in the opposite direction. One of her male classmates offered to walk with her back to the area of her hostel. He was a nice guy but she thought of Marc and declined his offer. She had to walk through La Ramblas to crossover Plaça Catalunya and as she was walking through it, she had this creepy feeling she was being followed. She looked over her shoulder and sure enough there was a man walking behind her. She sped up, walking faster towards the Plaça. She kept hoping another person would walk by so she could start chatting with them so the men would go away, but the street was completely empty. When she heard his footsteps speed up she started to walk at an even swifter pace. She thought she had lost him when suddenly she felt a hand grab her from behind and drag her into a side street. She tried to scream but he cover her mouth. His hand smelled like cigarettes and tasted like dirt. She kicked him hard but wasn’t able to break free from his grip. He whispered in her ear in Spanish, “You be a good girl and stop fighting and this will be over quickly. But if you scream again, I will kill you.” She shook her head fiercely and began kicking him again. He grabbed her breast roughly while trying to kiss her. He jammed his tongue in her mouth and she bit it and he slapped across the face. She cried out in pain. He began to unzip his pants. Sarah thought, this can’t be happening to me.
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