Mandy is a only child who lost a parent to suicide. She hopes to help others with her stories hopes to connect with others.
Before I start this article, I would like to say that what I chose to do was an effort to be able to talk to my Dad. I was desperate to try and talk to him and chose to do this to try and help with the pain.
A few months after my Dads passing a friend and I were talking and she had asked me if I had ever thought about trying to communicate with my Dad through a psychic. Honestly, I never had. I, like many other people, had seen commercials and heard them on the radio, but never really had a reason to try and reach out to one. She told her experience, and although a much different situation, she was fairly impressed by what she was told. She gave me the name and number of the woman and I immediately recognized her name from radio show that I listened to every morning. I always loved hearing her when she was on because it intrigued me how someone could do this.
It took me a few weeks to decide whether or not to schedule. I went through many what-if’s and really wanted to make sure this was the right thing to do. I also had the little things in the back of my mind telling me, “What if she tells you something you don’t want to hear, and then you’ll be devastated even more.” I kept this decision to myself and my mom of wanting to contact her. Mainly because I knew that there are many people and many beliefs that didn’t believe in this. I didn’t want any further opinions placed on me. This was my decision I knew, but I also didn’t want people stealing my thunder. As the day approached I found myself becoming nervous but very excited. This woman could not only do this, but she is a therapist as well. And quite honestly it was someone NEW to talk to who hadn’t heard my story and didn’t know me. I found it interesting when I scheduled that she had asked me to not tell her how he passed, or when. And that when I come to bring something of his that she could use to read off of.
The morning of the read, I remember packing my kiddos up in our van and being very excited. I found myself being in a totally different mood from the norm, and it was nice. I kind of felt like my old self that day. My mom met me at the office and took the kids to lunch so that I could be there alone. As much as my mom wanted to be there with me, I wanted to do this alone. Mainly because if my Dad did come through I didn’t want her there to try and persuade the psychic that something was untrue. When she had called me back to start our session, I remember thinking and saying to myself, “ok daddy now is your time.”
When we got to her room/office she had asked me for the items in which I was to bring. She didn’t ask who I was trying to connect to, how they passed, or when. She took my items and held them close in her hands. Immediately she said people were trying to come through and speak to me. She asked me if I knew certain people and immediately my Gramp had come through. This made me giggle. Mainly because as soon as she had asked if I knew a man with salt and pepper hair and glasses I knew immediately. She also used to nickname that he called me growing up. Remember she knew none of this. She began to tell me things that immediately sparked my childhood memories. I was a little taken back because these were things that only him and I did together. My grandfather came through and was telling me things that I was worrying about internally and he told me not to worry and to let things happen. I was blown away. I hadn’t said one word this entire time, except to name people as she was talking. Being as close as I was to my gramp, and to hear him come through first made my entire day. He also said some things to me that I never have told anyone, mainly about my mom in this situation, and he hit the nail on the head. After she finished up with him she had then asked if there was anyone else that I was “trying” to connect to. I told her I was trying to connect with my Dad. He didn’t immediately come through. But his Mom, my Mom-Mom did. I was a little sad as I wanted to talk to him. This was the main reason I was there. My Mom-Mom came through and said to tell me that my Dad was safe, and her little boy was home. But nothing more. I remember asking the woman why people could be short or have little to say. She simply stated, “Maybe it’s not his time to come through.” She went on for another couple of minutes, but none of it was about my Dad. Right before she ended the session she stopped talking, almost as though a light switch had been turned off. She sat there for almost a minute in complete silence. I didn’t know what was happening, so I didn’t say anything. I remember her grabbing my hand and telling me that someone wanted to come through but wasn’t ready. Immediately my red flags went up. Mainly because I had told her who I wanted to connect with and now she wanted my hand. But I sat and I listened. It was then, as she described the man, that I suddenly sank. The middle aged man, with the balding hair, the go-tee. She said the man was sitting back from everyone with his face in his hands almost as though he was ashamed of something. The amount of sadness, and shame that she was getting from him she said was intense. She asked me about a dark, cold room, and said it felt like it was in the bottom of something. Then when the cold metal object came fourth I wanted to do nothing but cry. It was then that I had explained to her that I found him in the basement (dark, cold room,) and the cold metal object (the gun,) was lying on the floor of the basement. She explained to me this was his “safe spot” and the spot where he felt most likely calm. She hadn’t touched on his note that he had left but she said that she could tell from the overwhelming amount of sadness that this was a very tough decision, and he was regretting it. Whether or not this had been the truth, she had touched on some very interesting highlights in which I was impressed. First my grandfather coming through and telling me things that I was worrying about. And telling me to let things happen. My mom-mom coming through and telling me my dad was “home” and “safe.” And the parts of my dad that she had NO clue about and nailed it all.
I sat there after she was done for a good five minutes, and I didn’t move. It was definitely not what I had wanted to hear, but seeing that she could feel the sadness and regret I knew deep down she had connected with him. I wanted more. I wanted more answers, I wanted to know why, and most importantly if this is what he wanted. But none of that happened. I had to learn to be happy with what was brought fourth. I never tried to see someone else after I met with the medium. I felt like although I didn’t have answers, I did have a sense of peace knowing he made it to heaven. I can only hope that one day when we meet again he can tell me more. That he can tell me what I need to hear. But until then, knowing I tried to reach out to him, I can only hope he knows just how much I love and miss him. He will forever be my hero!