Fauntleroy and Flossy – The Press Conference

Updated on January 14, 2017

“I am excited,” Fauntleroy said, looking in the mirror.

Flossy, lying on her big brass bed said, “Oh, really Darling? You have been avoiding press conferences. The press has mentioned that you have been hiding from them.”

“Yeah, yeah, all that fake news. We brainstormed it and figured out how to handle those fools. I will be the first president-elect in history to bring my lawyer to his press conflicts (not a typo.) I won’t be sworn in, thank goodness. And, I will be represented by a top lawyer at a prominent law firm. She will step in to clarify my business positions. And you know everyone trusts what lawyers say. It’s brilliant, I say, brilliant. Why has no other President ever thought to bring their lawyers to their press conferences? Hey, I want a lawyer at all the cabinet meetings.”

Connie, who stood hidden against the wall, wearing a dress that matched the pattern of the room's wallpaper, stepped away from the wall and said, “I’ll see to it.”

Fauntleroy and Flossy looked at each other not realizing she was in the room.

“Hey,” Fauntleroy stopped her. “Find out where those intelligence groups are getting their information. Someone is spying on us, and then leaking to the press. Those fake-news-reporting-dishonest-people really bug me. Find out who could be spying on us, without us knowing.”

“I’ll see to it,” Connie spoke into her iPad recording app. She walked over to his dresser drawer and pulled out a set of green and yellow Lego® pieces and dumped them near the bank of phones.

“What the hell are you doing?” Fauntleroy asked.

“You are going to go on TV and tell the American public you are building a wall between you and your business interest.” She began assembling Lego® pieces. “This green phone is your direct line of Mini–T and Errdick.” She began building the wall.

The Press Conflict


We are going to repeal and replace. We are going to placate and numerate. We are going to take credit whether credit is due or not due. America is going to be great again, because we were great once. What is all this talk about Russia? Russia is a small little issue on the list of issues. Yes, they have nuclear weapons, but hey, so do we. We have many more weapons.”

“Ok, I’ll take a question.” Fauntleroy points towards the crowd.

A voice calls out, “What do you say about the reports that during your trips to Russia, the Russians have information that can and will be damaging to you and your administration?”

“Well, let me address that. During our many missionary missions to Russia to spread the Christian message we were received well. We had big crowds, perhaps the biggest crowds ever seen in Russia. There is nothing in my private life that could not stand up to the brightest spotlight. But that is not why we are here today. I want to tell you that Ford is going to build cars in Michigan. That is great news for the great Michigonians. And boy oh boy, the Fiat-Chrysler people will be building cars in the great state of Indiana. I think that is Indiana, which is no way to be mistaken for Indians, because Indians is in their name. I hope GM, also joins, in making cars in America again; otherwise, they will be subject to a bolder border tax. And speaking of being reimbursed for the wall, GM is going to have to build good, and I mean really good, four wheel automobiles to get their cars over our wall. Next question.”

Tweet

@therealfauntleroy I am the greatest job creator in the history of the world.

A voice calls out, “Are you listening to your intelligence agency and the reports they are bringing you? And a follow up question, do you plan to keep up your public concerns regarding their value?”

“Really good question and I am glad you asked that question. Let me say, that I am going to be the greatest job creator in the history of job creators. The real unemployment number is far higher than reported by the current keepers of the numbers. Close to ninety-six million people are unemployed in this country. I am going to drive that number down, first by kicking out of the country several million people. And second, once the dismantling of all the social promises made in the last sixty years and those safety nets taken away, all those people will rush to find any work that this great Federalist society chooses to offer.” He flashed a smile. “Either that or they will not eat. ”

Fauntleroy paused. “I am going to let my lawyer talk for a while. She won’t be taking questions, just presenting the information that we told her to present.”

When she was finished Fauntleroy took the podium, “Thank you everyone. We are getting ready for a big party. We have secured the best Military bands for all the services. They were ordered to play, and have no right of refusal as all those talented liberal people. It is going to be a great party. Then we will be all hung over during the weekend. Then that Monday we will get to work with our great work of making America great again.”

Disclaimer

This is a work of fiction. It is a coincidence if there is any resemblance to any nationally acclaimed con men. There are still tickets on sale for the great performance titled, Senate Confirmations. It is getting great ratings in the media. If you feel overwhelmed by the avalanche of information, tumbling down, commingled with disinformation, then the plan is working.

Any reproduction, transmission or broadcast without the express written consent of the fictitious author is a total waste of perfectly good energy. You could be eating ice cream and enjoying the benefit of comfort food.

If you are allergic to Fauntleroy and Flossy or any of the ingredients found in Fauntleroy and Flossy, stop reading and consult your insider trading partner, graft central consultant or your personal money laundering service.

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Only consumption is American.

Source

Pink Floyd - Dark side of the moon - Lyrics

Job Creator Myths

© 2017 mckbirdbks

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    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      17 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello cam8510 we are going to have to learn to laugh. We are also going to have to examine who we are as a Nation. It does not seem like the representation in Washington shares the common believes.

    • cam8510 profile image

      Chris Mills 

      17 months ago from Missoula, Montana through August 2018

      Mike, I wish the real deal was as entertaining and funny as your satire. But I think we are going to have to learn to laugh it off for a while unless somebody comes up with a better solution.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      17 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna - wishing you a peaceful Sunday. You are right, that yelling at each other is not going to get us anywhere. The "Yell them down" concept is not new, but has been brought to the forefront in recent history. The talking heads do it all the time, just keep talking over anyone else to 'gain the floor' which they now have the floor.

      The country is in a dangerous place. We are far from the normal madness of politics.

      Thank you for reminding all of us that there is room in our discourse for a civil exchange of ideas.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      17 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello snakeslane. "He" has our attention now. Thanks for taking the time to read my comic presentations of a serious situation. "Clearly unqualified" is how he will go down in history, if there is any U.S. history left.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 

      17 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      I just wanted to take a moment to share something with everyone. I'm always puzzled and a little saddened when the use of negative "the left" labels pop up in anger, as if on automatic pilot, whenever someone criticizes Mr. Trump or makes fun of him. (Were these the same individuals who distributed the likeness of President Obama with a Hitler-like mustache, yelled that he was an Arab/Muslim and touted that birther foolishness?) I know Republicans, Independents like myself, and Democrats who are dismayed with the POTUS, and fear where this country is headed as a result of his actions. It's not about "the left versus the right," or "us versus them" -- it's about concern for Americans and citizens of the world. Perhaps it might help to keep things in better perspective and less volatile if they kept in mind that 74% of all eligible voters across this country didn't vote for Mr. Trump.

      Happy Sunday, everyone. :-)

    • snakeslane profile image

      Verlie Burroughs 

      17 months ago from Canada

      Hello Mike, I've just now read all your Fauntleroy stories and I want to congratulate you for taking this on. There is not a day goes by that 'The Donald' does not enter my consciousness. He is omnipotent! It feels like our world has morphed into a Batman movie. Dark days ahead!

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      17 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Sha - This country has made a mistake. Think knocking the marmalade jar off the counter. In shock we watch it falling but it will soon hit the floor and that is when we will have to deal with the mess.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 

      17 months ago from Central Florida

      Mike, I couldn't help but think of this series the other night as I watched Trump's interview. This is so close to reality it's scary.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      18 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna - The funniest thing I have see this week is, 'Bikers For Trump' that pretty much tells me all I need to know. It is a shame really with all the mounting evidence against the guy that he is still headed for the oval office. This week I read that the Russians helps finance his campaign. This looks more and more like a coup.

      Have a safe week.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 

      18 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Bill and Mike...I know how you feel. The number of protesters in DC is expected to exceed 200,000 this week. That's quite a record. This doesn't include protests that are scheduled to take place across the country. Attendance at the inauguration is estimated to be less than half of what it was when Obama took the oath back in 2008. I won't watch it. I just can't. I love my country and respect the Oval Office. But this man isn't my president -- and I never thought I would say such a thing during my lifetime. Ever.

      Have a good week, everyone. And keep the faith. :-)

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      18 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hi Bill, I won't be watching the inauguration. I am told the thing to do is turn the TV on, but not Trump news. He is all about ratings. It is generally believed he should receive low ratings for his first nonfiction performance of his career.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      18 months ago from Olympia, WA

      I'm torn between watching this coming Friday to see what a train wreck looks like, or to ignore it in a private protest. I have four days to decide. :) In the meantime, I'll wish that real life was as amusing as this series.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      18 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello mar - Yes, it is not surprising that real life is an imitation of Fauntleroy and Flossy . haha With a population of 330 million, it is highly unlikely that 96 million of us are unemployed. It is a McCarthyism type of statement. We will have to brace ourselves for much more of that in the coming days.

      At least I got Pink Floyd right. (again haha)

      Finished Wednesday's F & F, so Sunday was at least productive.

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 

      18 months ago from Jeffersonville PA

      "@therealfauntleroy I am the greatest job creator in the history of the world"

      I feel as though I've heard this recently on TV...and I remember thinking 'delusions of grandeur'... well, other thoughts too but I'll keep this comment PG.

      I do love Pink Floyd so thanks for that...the dark side of the moon isn't sounding too bad actually.

      Hope you had a peaceful Sunday. Hugs, mar

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      18 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello John - This satire is a reflection of the mood of the people here and in Washington DC. Not much funny going on in politics here or around the world. We have reached the point of too few resources and too many people.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      18 months ago from Queensland Australia

      This was such great satire, Mike. The trouble is while I was chuckling at it I realise this is all too real to be funny. I could really hear Trump speaking the dialogue you wrote for Fauntleroy. Scary!

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      18 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hi Ruby - Every Democrat should be signing up to take part in winning the open Senate seats in 2018. (No matter what State.) That at least would be a brake for the steamrolling that is about to take place.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Mike, I am well aware of Pence's political views since I am on the Indiana line. He was a staunch backer of the Iraqi war. He was also a member of The Tea Party. He attempted to have a bill passed that would allow businesses to refuse service to the Gay community. In my opinion he would be worse than Trump because he's smart.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      18 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Ruby - $300 oil brings the world to its knees. And I listened to the Pink Floyd - it most certainly is a depressing song. It seemed at the time to fit with the piece.

      What a sham all those empty folders at the press conference. Such stage setting - just to help fool us.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      18 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna – That the president-elect brought his lawyer to his first press conference in six months just goes to show what he thinks of all of us. That was a grand stand stunt to ‘fool’ us. (Like enough of us have not already been fooled.) Tillerson is just a sign of what is to come. Everyone knows, this whole world operates around oil and oil money. They now have just eliminated the middlemen, such as a high priced politician. Now they intend to rule directly in the open. This is a very sad state which has been summed up by someone else as, ‘the most dangerous consolidation of unchecked governmental power in American history.” Read, the people are screwed, those that did not vote for him and those that did.

      I have long thought that we will all go back to living like our grandparents. Chickens in the yard and carrying water from the well.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      18 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Ruby – Yes, I thought the ‘Christian message’ had a nice ring to it. It is no surprise that the rich are different. Billionaires have no unfulfilled wishes. That makes for some unbridled thinking. Glad I could send a smile in your direction. To me, impeachment just equals Pence and that is a horse of a different color.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Oh I forgot to say that I listened to Pink Floyd and it set the mood for doomsday.....Hi Genna, soon oil will be 300 dollars a barrel. I wonder who I could get to cut me a stack of wood? lol..

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 

      18 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      And I hope and pray that I'm wrong.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 

      18 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Lol. Leave it to "Faunt" to bring an attorney to a press conference. "What is all this talk about Russia? Russia is a small little issue on the list of issues." Uh huh. How interesting it was to observe the way in which Exxon-Mobile's Tillerson emerged from the smoke and mirrors of Trump's SOC choice. And how timely, given that US Sanctions against Russia have prevented Exxon Mobil from tapping huge oil reserves in Russia, covering tens of millions of acres. I loved the reference to LL Bean. Pink Floyd's Moon is profoundly perfect.

      Amen, Ruby! We can only hope, my friend about those six months before he does something disastrous. And may the time pass quickly. :-)

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      " Spread the Christian message " What a hoot!-Ninety-six million people unemployed in America! I don't know a person whose unemployed, in fact there are help wanted signs everywhere. I wonder how many of the stacked papers he had displayed at his press conference were comic strips? You have him pegged so well it's uncanny. I hope you have at least six more months of reporting, because I predict impeachment will occur in that timeframe. Keep up the good fight. To be able to laugh instead of crying is a good thing....

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