Fauntleroy and Flossy – Planchette

Updated on December 7, 2016

Flossy and Model T were in the Residence opening boxes with 2 inch wide fiber reinforced tape printed Amazon. Flossy pulled from one of the packages a cloth world map table cloth. She held it spread out to show Model T, “Mad Dog, recommended it for the family. He said his staff has them as well.”

Model T opened a package with her name on it. The box stated, TheRealOuijaBoard. She lifted the board from the box and set it on the newly placed table cloth. “Let’s try it out.” She rushed over and turned the dimmer switch to reduce the light.

Flossy and Model T sat down and placed their hands on the planchette. “What should we ask first?” Model T unusually giddy.

“Will our man be the greatest leader in the history of the world?” Flossy paused and shrugged her shoulders. “What do you think?”

“Maybe we should start smaller?” Model T told her.

“No, let’s see.”

Both women returned their hands to the planchette. Their hands were led from one letter to another. Model T did the note taking. When done the message read, ‘There is no such things as facts.’

Secret Service Agent Orange walked in besides Mini T, they walked over and stood by the table. Agent Orange studied the new world table cloth map. Mini T asked, “What are you two up to?”

“Ask a question.” Model T said.

“Well, I just heard a question this afternoon in a meeting that needs an answer. Ready? Will Liberals fight?”

Flossy and Model T glanced at each other. No one saw the short, quick smile of Agent Orange.

The girls returned their hands to the game piece. Just as the piece began to move, Fautleroy entered the room and the piece skidded off the board falling to the floor.

“Darling, I thought you had meetings today with all your secretaries. Oh, you have cranberry sauce or something on your collar.”

Fauntleroy excused himself. “I better go change for dinner. I see the table cloth arrived. What’s in..” the rest of the sentence was not heard.

Model T picked up the game piece and put the game away. “We’ll get back to this later.”

In the Royal Suite, Fauntleroy saw a new bank of iPhones in holders, placed in a row, along the top of a French settee. There was a duplicate Red, Blue, Gold and Camoflauge and several others. One with a Laser Saber on the cover was playing the theme music for Star Wars. The little gold nameplate in front of it said, “Vader” – vice-Fauntleroy’s Secret Service code name. Fauntleroy picked it up. He heard, “We can draft women, that will get us the army we are going to need. How does ‘The New Crusades’ sound as our battle cry to drive war-industry profits. We are primed baby and ready to…”

Fauntleroy listened. His thoughts were elsewhere, he interrupted Vader, “Get Rommel over to the Towers, I want him to wash my car. That will teach him to talk crap about me.” He hung up.

Flossy walked into the Royal Suite, “Three large boxes arrived down stairs. What are they?”

Fauntleroy scrunched his face. “Oh, they must be the hats I bought. I am going to make Congress wear them from now on when in session.”

“Hats?”

“Yes, hats. They say, “We are Patriots. Go bring one up here.”

Flossy went downstairs, pulled a stiletto from her garter and slit the tape holding the box closed. She reached in and pulled one red embroidered baseball hat. She frowned.

Back upstairs, she asked Fauntleroy, “What did you say the hats said?”

“We are Patriots – why?” He stopped tweeting and looked at her.

She tossed him the hat.

He read, “We are Parrots” – “@%#$@@ Can’t anyone in this country do anything right? What do you think? Can we still use them?”

“Darling, I think you are going to have to finally sponsor a little league team. I’ll have Errdick find a team to match the hats. Red B can be the Captain.”

Back in the dining room Model T and Mini T had opened up the Monopoly games from Amazon and began placing the Red hotel game pieces around the map where they held an interest.

That evening at the dinner table, Flossy looked up, “You know what Thomas Jefferson was fond of saying?” She said, feeling First Ladyish.

All movement stopped. All eyes turned to her.

“Pass the mashed potatoes.” She smiled.

The First family laughed.

The First Amendment

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

Disclaimer


Side effects of experiencing this may include upset stomach, nausea, vomiting, headache, diarrhea, constipation, dizziness, or drowsiness. Tell your doctor or pharmacist promptly if any of these conditions persist.

Reading may increase addiction, nervousness, including anxiety, agitation or irritability. If you experience trouble sleeping, decreased appetite, headache, stomach ache, nausea, dizziness or heart palpitations turn on your oldies station, eat some comfort food, soak in a hot tub. If the condition continues, call a friend with benefits.

This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. No endorsements were made, or premiums paid, from Amazon, Hasbro or other retailers in the production of this piece of fictitious writing. Celebrity political hookers impersonated.

Other side effects may include slow growth and seizures throughout the country. Intolerance, feelings of suspicion and paranoia are likely to increase. Visual hallucinations, (can’t believe my eyes), possible depression and cocaine craving may occur.

If you are allergic to Fauntleroy and Flossy or any of the ingredients found in Fauntleroy and Flossy, stop reading and consult your primary physician, wiggle your John Wayne bobble-head doll; wave your artificial eagle feather talisman in the air, or slap your Liberty Bell.

© 2016 mckbirdbks

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    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      22 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Sha - Thank you. The series is actually getting less readership, rather than more. I guess, I am an acquired taste. The actual president elect is making people all over the globe upset. He will be reigned in.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 

      22 months ago from Central Florida

      Mike, I hope this series goes viral and makes its way to the fictitious character that will be impersonating the President of the United States come January!

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      22 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna. The late 60's and 70's were turbulent times. The fabric of the country was tested. My father, said of the long-hairs, 'Kill them all.' I was one of that group.

      Nixon's enemy list was long. I am sure that trait carries over to many politicians. I think you spelled Abby Hoffman correctly.

      I sit and wonder if the country will recover.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 

      22 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Hi Mike. My history's a little rusty but I think it had something to do with John's palling around with that fellow who wore the American flag as a shirt - - the activist Abbey (sp?) Hoffman? Anywho, the story goes that the FBI pulled back after Lennon cooled things a bit with the appearances he had previously scheduled at events with Hoffman. Nixon wanted to get reelected and he viewed Lennon as a threat.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      22 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello savvydating. To your point about the half naked girl, I concede and have removed the photo. To your point about derogatory comments about the present First Family, I concede nothing, as every nasty thing that could be thought of has been spoken from one end of this country to the other.

      To my knowledge Michelle Obama never posed for a nude photo shoot that ended up on the cover of the New York Post or other national outlets. (See July 30, 2016 if you are unfamiliar with the reference.)

      As for this series being vulgar, I will just bite my tongue.

      I will miss your presence.

    • savvydating profile image

      Yves 

      22 months ago

      Hmmm. Guess I am allergic. I also ready your story with the half naked woman. I wondered what was going on since the story appeared on my feed.

      Apparently, this is a series about Trump.

      I've never met any Republican who spoke that way about Michelle. Wow, Mike. This is series is really vulgar. I guess I didn't realize the extent of your contempt for the GOP.

      Big change from your stories about passing on to a heavenly realm.

      I'll take your advice and skip the rest of this series.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      22 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Bill -There is so much going on. Tidal wave is right. Only the comedians are screaming.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      22 months ago from Olympia, WA

      There was so much to read, to watch, to capture, that I'm sure I'll need to read this again later today. This was a tidal wave of fun, Mike, and some of the images are going to stay with me for quite some time.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      22 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Genna, I don't think Karma has any reason to catch up with you. Unless you are talking about good karma. The chase has begun of bad karma and people.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      22 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hi Genna. Yes, the disclaimers are getting out of control. Lol Seems, I am dissolving the shock of the country's choice. It was bluntly pointed out to me that only half the country is upset. The other half is celebrating.

      We will likely see more of the table cloth map, as I see the family pointing out their interest to the generals. No overlap will be allowed.

      I am pretty sure we have not seen the last of Sarah – perhaps she will give the few and far between press conferences.

      I don’t think you sound pompous. Well informed for sure. And Karma does have a way of catching up to people. Sometimes too slow for my taste. Glad I could send a smile your way.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      22 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Becky - Yes, 'Oh my' is a very acceptable response. It is really the short version of what needs to be said. I had not heard of either video, but with so much talk about the swamp, they were recommended.

      The deleted comment was a computer hiccup on this end, not a response to your comment.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      22 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Martie – I did not know Vader meant Father – so thanks for that. I toyed with other Secret Service code names. Vader and the Star Wars theme fit the parody so well. As for your parliament and Congress, I bet they are much alike. Special interests are not even trying to hide the fact that they are running the governments of the world. I appreciate the Mark Twain quote, he was quite the thinker and philosopher.

      Still nice that we can find some humor in the situation.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 

      22 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      "If you are allergic to Fauntleroy and Flossy or any of the ingredients found in Fauntleroy and Flossy, stop reading and consult your primary physician, wiggle your John Wayne bobble-head doll; wave your artificial eagle feather talisman in the air, or slap your Liberty Bell." Lol.

      I loved the table cloth map; it reminded me of Sarah Palin's crash course before the VP debate. "No Sarah, Africa is not a country; it's a continent."

      "There is no such things as facts anymore." I think Ms. Hughes will be remembered for that one for a long time. (Someone should explain to her that Einstein had something else in mind for his theory of general relativity.)

      And I loved the "star wars" reference and the play on words for conflict of interest in the Red Hotel game.

      I must sound so pompous, and I shouldn't laugh; Karma will find a way to pay me back. But thank you for my giggles and smiles. Liked the CD tune. What a fun way to end the afternoon.

    • Becky Katz profile image

      Becky Katz 

      22 months ago from Hereford, AZ

      All I can say is 'Oh my'. I love all of Jimmy Stafford that I have ever heard. The other one is new to me too.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 

      22 months ago from South Africa

      What a life! And what a disclaimer! I am rolling on the floor, laughing.

      BTW, 'Vader' is the Afrikaans word for 'Father' -)

      Parrots? I will rather not tell you what would be the perfect word for the members of our parliament, as I may be arrested and charged for a couple of crimes.

      Thanks for the laughs.

      PS: A quote about facts -

      "Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please." - Mark Twain

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      22 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      OK, Shy, that's it, only laugh until your side hurts just a tiny bit. No doctors, please, as Obamacare will be gone soon. The toughest part will be to keep it funny. Thanks for your support and blessings.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 

      22 months ago from Texas

      I started to smile from the beginning

      I chuckled with the planchette sliding to floor

      I laughed out loud when the hat for the Parrots came out

      Would love to see Congress wearing those hats

      This is by far my favorite of this series, you will have a hard time beating this one.

      Still laughing, now my side hurts, may have to go to the doctor.

      Thanks and Blessings my friend.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      22 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hi Ruby - As was pointed out to me recently, only half the people are unhappy. The other half is thrilled, so far. Once some true colors actually shown, that other half will get the picture and quickly. We are viewing one scary roster heading toward the swamp.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      22 months ago from Southern Illinois

      I forgot to add that I watched both videos and found them not as scary as the possibility of a Trump Presidency.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      22 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Ruby - yes inducting women, what a plan. The statement itself makes me angry on many levels. That is a plan to make war easier, and closer. I would like to see the concept of war moved further away. A ravenous military-industrial complex demands to be fed.

      Thanks for visiting today.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      22 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Good morning mar. There is a big issue with this series. One that cannot be undone. And that is the material is old before I publish and so much new material is on our mind. There is no cure for that.

      As for Andy, it may be time for him to grow up. He may have to protect his sister at some point.

      The swamp music was a recommendation - otherwise it would have been far off my radar screen. (Like so much music.)

      Nothing prepared in advance for this series. News is flying by at a furious rate.

      Glad you found the humor.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      22 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Cranberry sauce, SURE! This is a fun read. Flossy pulling a stiletto from her garter was so visual. HaHa...I reckon that cloth will soon be covered with Trump enterprises. Why not? He considers himself a king. I'm glad I'm old so they can't induct me in their army. I saw yesterday that he met with Japan's Shinzo Abe. Was it coincidental that it happened on Dec. the 7th?

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 

      22 months ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Andy and Zoey snuck in to see why Mommy was guffawing...

      ... not sure when I laughed most: Secret Service Agent Orange - 'a stiletto from her garter' or feeling 'First Ladyish'.

      And I need a tutorial on swamp music - your selections this week are new to me.

      Andy wants a definition of 'friends with benefits' - so thanks for that!

      Hugs and giggles, mar

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