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Fauntleroy and Flossy – Planchette

Flossy and Model T were in the Residence opening boxes with 2 inch wide fiber reinforced tape printed Amazon. Flossy pulled from one of the packages a cloth world map table cloth. She held it spread out to show Model T, “Mad Dog, recommended it for the family. He said his staff has them as well.”

Model T opened a package with her name on it. The box stated, TheRealOuijaBoard. She lifted the board from the box and set it on the newly placed table cloth. “Let’s try it out.” She rushed over and turned the dimmer switch to reduce the light.

Flossy and Model T sat down and placed their hands on the planchette. “What should we ask first?” Model T unusually giddy.

“Will our man be the greatest leader in the history of the world?” Flossy paused and shrugged her shoulders. “What do you think?”

“Maybe we should start smaller?” Model T told her.

“No, let’s see.”

Both women returned their hands to the planchette. Their hands were led from one letter to another. Model T did the note taking. When done the message read, ‘There is no such things as facts.’

Secret Service Agent Orange walked in besides Mini T, they walked over and stood by the table. Agent Orange studied the new world table cloth map. Mini T asked, “What are you two up to?”

“Ask a question.” Model T said.

“Well, I just heard a question this afternoon in a meeting that needs an answer. Ready? Will Liberals fight?”

Flossy and Model T glanced at each other. No one saw the short, quick smile of Agent Orange.

The girls returned their hands to the game piece. Just as the piece began to move, Fautleroy entered the room and the piece skidded off the board falling to the floor.

“Darling, I thought you had meetings today with all your secretaries. Oh, you have cranberry sauce or something on your collar.”

Fauntleroy excused himself. “I better go change for dinner. I see the table cloth arrived. What’s in..” the rest of the sentence was not heard.

Model T picked up the game piece and put the game away. “We’ll get back to this later.”

In the Royal Suite, Fauntleroy saw a new bank of iPhones in holders, placed in a row, along the top of a French settee. There was a duplicate Red, Blue, Gold and Camoflauge and several others. One with a Laser Saber on the cover was playing the theme music for Star Wars. The little gold nameplate in front of it said, “Vader” – vice-Fauntleroy’s Secret Service code name. Fauntleroy picked it up. He heard, “We can draft women, that will get us the army we are going to need. How does ‘The New Crusades’ sound as our battle cry to drive war-industry profits. We are primed baby and ready to…”

Fauntleroy listened. His thoughts were elsewhere, he interrupted Vader, “Get Rommel over to the Towers, I want him to wash my car. That will teach him to talk crap about me.” He hung up.

Flossy walked into the Royal Suite, “Three large boxes arrived down stairs. What are they?”

Fauntleroy scrunched his face. “Oh, they must be the hats I bought. I am going to make Congress wear them from now on when in session.”


“Yes, hats. They say, “We are Patriots. Go bring one up here.”

Flossy went downstairs, pulled a stiletto from her garter and slit the tape holding the box closed. She reached in and pulled one red embroidered baseball hat. She frowned.

Back upstairs, she asked Fauntleroy, “What did you say the hats said?”

“We are Patriots – why?” He stopped tweeting and looked at her.

She tossed him the hat.

He read, “We are Parrots” – “@%#$@@ Can’t anyone in this country do anything right? What do you think? Can we still use them?”

“Darling, I think you are going to have to finally sponsor a little league team. I’ll have Errdick find a team to match the hats. Red B can be the Captain.”

Back in the dining room Model T and Mini T had opened up the Monopoly games from Amazon and began placing the Red hotel game pieces around the map where they held an interest.

That evening at the dinner table, Flossy looked up, “You know what Thomas Jefferson was fond of saying?” She said, feeling First Ladyish.

All movement stopped. All eyes turned to her.

“Pass the mashed potatoes.” She smiled.

The First family laughed.


Side effects of experiencing this may include upset stomach, nausea, vomiting, headache, diarrhea, constipation, dizziness, or drowsiness. Tell your doctor or pharmacist promptly if any of these conditions persist.

Reading may increase addiction, nervousness, including anxiety, agitation or irritability. If you experience trouble sleeping, decreased appetite, headache, stomach ache, nausea, dizziness or heart palpitations turn on your oldies station, eat some comfort food, soak in a hot tub. If the condition continues, call a friend with benefits.

This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. No endorsements were made, or premiums paid, from Amazon, Hasbro or other retailers in the production of this piece of fictitious writing. Celebrity political hookers impersonated.

Other side effects may include slow growth and seizures throughout the country. Intolerance, feelings of suspicion and paranoia are likely to increase. Visual hallucinations, (can’t believe my eyes), possible depression and cocaine craving may occur.

If you are allergic to Fauntleroy and Flossy or any of the ingredients found in Fauntleroy and Flossy, stop reading and consult your primary physician, wiggle your John Wayne bobble-head doll; wave your artificial eagle feather talisman in the air, or slap your Liberty Bell.

© 2016 mckbirdbks

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