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Fauntleroy and Flossy – Cancel Our Order

Fauntleroy and Flossy are in the Royal Suite. “Did Symmetry bring that package I asked her to pick up.” He sniffed hard. “I need that package. Where has that girl been? Doesn’t she know how hard it is to be the most powerful man in the world?” He paced nervously. He had his hair dyed back to its pre-campaign color. In the privacy of the Royal Suite, he parted his hair down the middle and he looked like a frightening Ozzy Osbourne.

Flossy walked to her dresser and pulled a small envelope from the top drawer. “Here darling, I saved you a little in case Symmetry was stopped or delayed. I have not heard from her.” She put the envelope back into the dresser. “Darling, you must get ready. The line of people to see you extends all the way out onto Fifth Avenue. I can’t even get out to go shopping. I am going to need a personal shopper. See to it. Maybe, Rommel will take that job. I see him looking at me. How many wives do you think he has?”

Fauntleroy was not listening. His mind was elsewhere. His hit list was long, and he had only just begun getting back at those that had slighted him in any way. The word invasion, had been planted in his head. He tossed it in the air and caught it over and over – invasion, invasion, invasion. General Fauntleroy, he liked the Napoleonic ring about it.

Connie walked into the Royal Suite without knocking. “Take your pants off,” she announced to Fauntleroy. She proceeded to take her pants off. Flossy watched with interest. “I had this leather clarity alter made. When we wear it, you can stand facing forward and say whatever the hell that comes into your head. I will be strapped to you, standing at a far right angle to you, denying that you said it. It will save a lot of time that way.”

Connie waited for a response. When none came, she put her pants back on. “Use your head man.” She walked out of their quarters, buttoning her pants.

Fauntleroy looked at Flossy, “It was one damn phone call. Taiwan, Beijing; they are all Chinese to me.”

The Ballad Of John & Yoko

While still in their quarters the red phone rang on the iPhone phone bank. “Yeah,” Fauntleroy said. “Wait, she’s standing right here. I’ll ask her.” He turned to Flossy, “What do you think about wearing a Bitsy bikini to the inauguration? You’d have a robe also with the name of a Wrestling Organization on the back. Like they did in Rocky 1. Remember?”

Fauntleroy spoke into the phone. “She is shaking her head no. What about Model T? She’s got a good figure. Better than her Mother’s. I mean I’d date her.” He put the phone down in the charger base. He turned back to Flossy, “Babe, she gave me six and a half million dollars. It’s not like the whole country has not seen you with your clothes off. Man, that got us a lot of votes.”

The blue phone rang. He listened. “Unions? There isn’t going to be a Union in this country in four years. We will break them. We will break labor. Money won!” He hung up. “Where is Symmetry? That girl! I need crystal clarity, to build my dream team.”

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Fauntleroy and Flossy are brought to you by Book Readers of the Americas, The Freedom InSight Foundation, The Red State Sterilization Movement,,, Finger4Freedom, WeDon’ and other proud sponsors.


This is fiction. No one dead is depicted. Any resemblance of a dead person or deceased persons or a heartless person or for that matter a living or resembling living persons is coincidental. No events or things that have happened or may happen or may not happen are portrayed. Historical events, yesterday’s news or tomorrows predictions are purely the imagination of the fictitious author, living in a fictitious country with fictitious values.

The Apple Corp., did not sanction the use of the word iPhone in the writing of this fake, unreal, story without a foundation. Any reproduction, transmission, or drive shaft, or any other shaft without the written consent of the litigious author is a colossal mistake as an unintended crash may result.

As a result of Fauntleroy and Flossy all Americans are now expected to work for less and pay more. Consult your financial advisor, spiritual healer, massage therapists, at the first sign of hunger. Connect to your true nature, seek your guiding force. Be one with your hunger.

If you are allergic to Fauntleroy and Flossy or any of the ingredients found in Fauntleroy and Flossy, stop reading and consult your alternative self-defeating, matrix vision.

Possible side effects streaming consciousness, challenges in concentration, inability to feel pleasure, tremors, decreased appetite, and craving of foreign travel and indecisiveness.

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