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Fauntleroy and Flossy – Bread and Circuses

Updated on December 15, 2016

Mini-T climbed down from the step stool after tacking up the placard, “The Map Room” above the doorway to their dining room. Agent M watched with concealed amusement. With all the leaves to the dining room table added there would be enough seats. The geographic tablecloth scattered with red Monopoly hotels and Hasbro Risk armies gave a clear picture.

Model T brought a big box of designer hooded robes into the room. “For the Cabinet Meetings.” She set the box down. “I hope this is a big hit, the markup, I put on them is tremendous. “Mini-T, you and I are going to have to keep reminding Flossy, that just because she was born a communist, does not mean, she still has to obey like a communist. She’s rich now. And rich means more than shopping.” She went from chair to chair draping a robe over the high-backed chairs. “This is going to be great. I mean the greatest.” She paused and looked at Mini-T, “I just sounded like Dad.” She placed a robe with five silver stars on each lapel on the chair at the head of the table. The ‘Grand Robe.”

What are we looking at, a 21st century Rome? – Kirk

(Bread and Circuses)

Model T went over and opened each laptop in front of each chair. She typed a code into her Android, and the sound of a bell tower echoed from each machine. The Cloud server with security certificates worked seamlessly. The entire system was set up by Symmetry with the help from the Geek Squad.

Fauntleroy walked into the room and solemnly donned his robe and placed the hood. The rest of the cabinet walked in single file and put their robes on. They were curious, looking at the red hotels and Hasbro Risk armies placed on the table before them. The cabinet sat. Fauntleroy stood, “because of my genius, I win, it’s true, I like to win. Everyone at this table likes to win. We have to create wealth, what else is there for us?” He sat down. “Banshee, these are nice robes did you order them from Model T?”

The pointy hood of the Chief Strategist bobbed forward and back.

What is the first order of business? The remote Russian intercom blurted out, “We have heard from Pakistan International Airlines. They heard you were in search of a replacement for Air Force 1. They can give you a really good deal, maybe the best deal. The airplane they offer has low miles and only one owner. The U.S. government killed the owner and that plane is unclaimed and just sits there. Are you interested?”

Fauntleroy pressed a button in front of him, disconnecting the Russian intercom. He typed a note to himself. “OK, what’s next?”

The third hood from the right spoke. “My President, I have a proposal for a new National Anthem. I took the liberty of uploading the lyrics:

Contributor suggestion by Shyron Shenko

Cypress Hill - Hits From The Bong (Lyrics in description)

Source

“I hope you don’t mind; My President,” said hood number three. “I hacked your cloud account to upload the YouTube video. Flossy’s cousin helped me do that.”

“Anything else?” asked Fauntleroy.

“Hood number five spoke up, “We have cleared the way for you to address the people through a Department of Defense airway station. We are thinking of naming the program RealityAmerica. The name is still under discussion. AirAmerica is a registered trademark. The point is we no longer need the free press to distribute our message. No more of their lies, from those very stupid intellectuals. We will let those press scavengers starve. They will only get news from us. My staff can handle all the programming.”

“Anything else?” Fauntleroy turned and called, “Jersey Fat, see that Play-Doh® set over there? Get started squeezing some round ‘pipeline.’ "I want you guys to pay close attention." Jersey Fat opened the set and in a few moments had a handful of red clay dough. He set them on a silver platter and brought them to the table. “You guys can put your pipelines where ever you want them, but not near any of those Red hotels. And see those tiny golf carts? Those are my golf courses. That is sacred land. Got it? Stay away!"

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Each member began placing red clay strips around the cloth geographic tablecloth. Fauntleroy flipped through this month's ‘Top Agent Magazine’ while his staff was busy.

Even though it was only 9 a.m. when Flossy entered, she was wearing a full-length evening gown. “Darling, time for your medication.” She handed a shot glass with several pills in it to Fauntleroy.

“I’m very smart. I know when it is time to take my medication.”

“Yes, darling.” She said over her shoulder while all eyes watched her depart.

Jersey Fat, distracted, let a handful of red clay fall to the floor. The first pipeline accident in the map room.

Fauntleroy looked at the clay on his Persian carpet. “Jersey Fat, that is why you did not get a seat at the table. Clean that mess up. If you get your act together, I might pardon you.”

Hood number six leaned over to hood number seven, “Did you hear the one about ‘unethical amnesia’ laughter swept around the table.

Downstairs in front of the towers a crowd of about one hundred paraded wearing tee-shirts printed, “Deplorable Me.”

Disclaimer


This is a work of fiction. No communists were hurt during the production of this fictitious article. People, places, and events are too absurd to fictitiously offend. All mentions of possible hacking are blatantly flagrant and are likely the result of a 400 pound man sitting on a bed somewhere. Any reproduction may be picked up by the C.I.A. or F.B.I. and either ignored by those that pay them for their expertise, or used for their own personal gain at the most opportune time.

By reading this the user consents to unwarranted wire tapping, recording, audits, and uninvited visits by men in black driving large black GMC automobiles. Non-prescribed religious beliefs may also require State registration as various ‘areas of interest’ will not be tolerated. Notarized and certified dental records may be necessary for voter registration.

No warranties are expressed or implied. Read at your own risk.

If you are allergic to Fauntleroy and Flossy, or any of the ingredients, stop using and consult your primary physician, your cardiologists, and urologists. The patent pending formula may not be right for everyone. User results may vary. Any overt attempt at humor is purely inconsequential.

In order to cut back expenses, the Supreme Court has been delegitimized and two branches of government will rule while the people suffer through this unfortunate cutback. The message is clear: Rules only apply when they reward your own efforts.

Enjoy the Party that brought us:

The Great Depression

Nixon

Savings and Loan Crisis

Iran Contra

George W. Bush

Iraq War

The Great Recession

An unattributed quote.

“There's a particularly pathetic segment of American voters who are only happy when bitching & complaining.”

Chant of the Templars - Da Pacem Domine (Esemble Organum)

Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) - 'The Map Room: Dawn' scene [1080]

Connie walked into the room. “Did you really talk to a crowd in Louisiana and tell them you don’t need their vote anymore?” She threw her hands in the air and walked back out.

© 2016 mckbirdbks

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    • mckbirdbks profile image
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      mckbirdbks 11 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Good to know, good to know. Looking forward to reading ...already. :)

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 11 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      LOL....Mike, I love your subtlety. I was raised by parents who had a PhD in "raising guilt-ridden kids" and I can guarantee you they were a complete success.

      I'm writing, I'm writing...already............LOL

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 11 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Well Paula, I hope you are writing down lots of notes, as your mind wanders, so you can at some point write again, and share with us.

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 11 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      I understand. My mind goes all over the damned place but where it should!! :)

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 11 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Wow 45-50 that is roughly our morning temperatures. I have been waiting to walk the dogs until later in the morning. Waiting for the sun as my signal.

      I'll find the Waterloo song. Now that you said song, my thinking was redirected. My mind went to more historical directions.

      Merry Christmas.

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 11 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Cold, yes, but actually very little snow and the forecast for my particular area is around 45 to 50 degrees Xmas week-end. It's crazy weather-wise around here. Ya just never know what we'll wake up to!

      Mike! You never heard that goofy song "Waterloo?" From the early '60's I think. I'll find it and send it to you. Peace!

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 11 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Paula – I do hope a smile was delivered as you read through this political satire. Funny, I somehow feel like Custer also, perhaps for different reasons. Seems every news story I see, there are arrows flying. Are Custer and Waterloo cross metaphors? Oh, maybe not, they both meet their defeat.

      America is a large country and perhaps can stand the shock.

      I just read somewhere, that you are ‘Dug in” in upper New York - it is home. Nothing will change that.

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 11 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      LOL....Mike, OK, OK, I'm laughing. more satire Ha-Ha-Ha. Oops! rather, on Dec. 20th, I guess it's Ho-Ho-Ho!

      I hate it when I'm surrounded. Feel like Custer. I have no choice but to join in the laughter since this thread is filled with people from my group of Loved ones. (Beats the Hell outta me!)

      Yes, Maria...in your case, I realize I must "joint in the laughter,"but then it's uncontrollable and you may need to knock me out.

      Don't let this go to your head Mike, but this is pretty damned good.

      (I just wanna get out of Waterloo in one piece.) Paula

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 11 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Sha - What's the worst that could happen? No, no don't tell me.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 11 months ago from Central Florida

      What's scary is this fictitious story very well may become reality all too soon!

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 11 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Martie, here they even have contaminated the highest court. Things look to change fast here. It wont be the same country, with common values in the future. As for Trevor Noah, I watch his show, when I catch it on TV. I am sure his Mother is proud of him.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 11 months ago from South Africa

      .... bunch(es) of boobleheads.... we have them in our parliament. Thank heavens our courts seem to be the only non-bias and righteous entity in this country.

      Sorry for interrupting, but I find the conversation quite interesting and entertaining. Like the Trevor Noah show. We are proud of him - the only SA'n besides the president who managed to have a conversation with Obama. Oh, he was so thrilled, I could see it on his face. His mother must be so proud of him. One would never say he is a victim of Apartheid, or what do you say, Mike?

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 11 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Audrey - I am known far and wide for spreading cheer wherever I go. (That is funnier than anyone realizes.) Thanks for taking a few moments to read this.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 11 months ago from California

      So enjoyed this Mike!

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 11 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Bill - You are well positioned with your urban farm and simplified lifestyle. Yes, trouble in River City. But what do I know? Thanks for the visit.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 11 months ago from Olympia, WA

      I think there's trouble in River City and it has nothing to do with the game of pool....but what do I really know? :)

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 11 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna - You caught me, I am the entire staff of SNL and just do this as a sideline to amuse myself. I have page after page of material, and cannot write fast enough or funny enough to keep this twice a week pace.

      To me The Supreme Court is now just a bunch of Rep. boobleheads and holds no true stature.

      Hope all is well.

    • profile image

      Genna East 11 months ago

      Lol. The 5 stars; the pointy hood of the chief strategist; "those very stupid intellectuals"; "Jersey Fat"; ohhh so subtle yet powerful. "In order to cut back expenses, the Supreme Court has been delegitimized and two branches of government will rule while the people suffer through this unfortunate cutback. The message is clear: Rules only apply when they reward your own efforts." Now, be honest, Mike; haven't the SNL writers contacted you yet? If they haven't, they will. :-)

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 11 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Shy - Thanks. Your contribution is just what this piece needed. The monk-like crowd surely will meet again. (A veiled threat. Bad pun.)

      Thanks for the visit and the blessing.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 11 months ago from Texas

      This is a real hoot, which I need especially today, thank you for the bong hit. that is so funny.

      I really enjoyed this one with the hoods from the hood, and the deplorable ones.

      Blessings my friend

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 11 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello mar - All I can do is try. Now, "don't bogart that joint. Roll another one, / Just like the other one. / You been holding onto it, / And I sure would like a hit!"

      Thanks for the visit, as I have received two official adios notes.

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 11 months ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Sorry Martie cannot hear "Hits from the Bong"... heck, I'm sorry I could hear it - especially as I haven't been able to stop laughing.

      Since I cried through most of the evening news, thanks for this satirical escape - even Jersey Fat is funnier when fictionalized.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 11 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Martie – The Fauntleroy Writer’s of Marica, intelligence gathering organization, assures me that there are tee shirts with ‘Deplorable Me’ printed on them. Now, code name, ‘Frosty Armani’ did not do herself any good speaking those words.

      Fauntleroy’s attitude on many subjects, line up with those that are in place in Russia. I wonder what the filters in Russia are broadcasting about Fauntleroy?

      Thanks for the visit. I keep reminding myself that I am trying to write humor.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 11 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Patty – I did not realize the retirement age has been raised to 75. In my family history, that means no one reaches retirement age. Sounds like a scam to me. Seems this country has the money to do the wildest things, yet when it comes to the people who sent in their taxes, they did not make the list of what has to be taken care of.

      I think I knew you had Indian blood. You must have mentioned it in one of your hubs. Cherokee Nation, I like that. I can’t think of anyone better prepared for the fights ahead for the Dept. of the Interior. The national lands are under attack.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 11 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Ruby – Funny how you mention a Life Endurance policy (:, Seems I have been recently put on a No Buy List. (That’s funny in a way.) Yes, it has been suggested, that Fauntleroy is a recreational user and his sources will not be revealed. New Jersey Fat, now, that is a code name. I think I meant Fats, as that old movie with Minnesota Fats. I read Chris Mills piece, very interesting.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 11 months ago from South Africa

      'Deplorable Me' is such a suitable slogan for Fauntleroy's followers.

      The Russians blocked the new anthem. No foreigners may hear it!

      The pointy hood of the Chief Strategist, bobbing forward and back..... go figure! Lol!

      Thanks for making me rofl.

      You were born to be a writer of comedies!

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 11 months ago from North America

      The Party also brought us the increase in retirement age to 75, already 67 and increasing fast. That ain't no party.

      I say we replace all Cabinet members with Native Americans. Keep the National Anthem and our secondary anthem can be "Cherokee Nation." I'm about half Mohawk, so I volunteer for half-secretary of the Dept. of the Interior.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 11 months ago from Southern Illinois

      OMG, I fear for your safety since we are now being led by a foreign country. I suggest you buy a large insurance policy, but please check out the company to make sure they're still American!! I feel like crying, I always loved our National Anthem, ( Shyron is in the know. Sigh...) The red clay not only made an impact on the carpet, it splattered my psyche BIG time. I love this satire series. Mike I don't think you follow Chris Mills ( cam ) He has a piece out today that will blow your mind..