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Fauntleroy and Flossy – To Shame a Nation

Updated on February 4, 2017

Fauntleroy stood in front of his full length mirror. He looked over at Flossy, “The whole world's eyes are on me now.”

“Then I suggest you change out of that...that uniform.” Flossy fired back.

“Model T’s husband has been a big disappointment. We might have to fire him. He tried to slow down our blitzkrieg plans. I don’t think they will be joining us for Thanksgiving this year. You should have seen how stone cold crazy guy shut him down.”

Flossy flipped the page of her fashion magazine.

“Oh,” Fauntleroy took a few sheets of paper off the counter that held his bank of phones, “could you translate this speech into Russian for me? I want Put-Baby to approve it for me.”

Fauntleroy left the room. He was met in the hall by Connie, who stopped him in his tracks. “Go change out of that uniform.” They walked back into the room.

"But, I feel military. I commandered in chiefed this week."

Connie said, "Turn around. That is a drum major uniform."

He went and changed.

Back in the hall. “It has been a big news cycle time. I called all the people in the country that voted for the losers, ‘Crybabies,’ I guess I told them.” She smiled at her savoir-faire. “The vast majority of the working people who do not live in the large cities and who had no schooling welcome this kind of talk.”* (*This sentence is paraphrased from a Lenin speech.)

Imagined Put-Baby phone call Transcript


Put-Baby - “Why protect public health and the environment. There is no need for regulations. It’s not like a Chernobyl accident can happen. Our plan is to use the poorest minorities to thin each other out in our coordinated wars, so why bother saving them?”

Fauntleroy – “Yes, yes, I see. I will have to get my people to reword that. I mean I already pissed off the guy down under. I may use a page from your playbook and send troops into a neighboring country.” He called over to his chief strategist, “Make a note not to build a wall until I have decided whether to invade Mexico or not. I would hate to have to break through the greatest wall ever built.” His mind returned to the phone call, “Yes, Put-Baby, I’m listening. Yeah, yeah, Texas Tea Tillerman will start his policies to re-route oil into our hands.”

Put-Baby – “Comrade, we have waited for one hundred years for this moment in time. Oh, let us know where the shipments of opium are to be routed out of Afghanistan. Tell Comrade Connie she received a round of applause here at the Politburo when she called those losers, Crybabies, that was perfect.”

Fauntleroy – “Don’t worry about those sanctions – we will leave them in place and not support them. So, do you want all of Iran’s oil, or Iraq’s? What is easier for you?” He hung up the phone and looked over to his chief strategist, “We are on board with them now. Once we start pumping Iranian oil and diverting the cash flow into our campaign fund accounts, we assure our global position.”

They all saw a flash of a billion dollars coming their way and smiled.

Disclaimer

Fauntleroy and Flossy are a work of fiction. The events, character assassinations and firms depicted are fictitious. The fictitious author wishes to express thanks to the Altay people, Bashkirs, Balkars, Belarusians, Buryat people, Chechens, Chuvash, Cherkess, Ingushs, Kabardins, Kalmyks, Karachays, Karelians, Khakas, Komi peoples, Mordvin people, Ossetians, Mari people, Russians, Tatars, Tuvinians, Udmurts, Ukrainians, Yakuts, for the part they played in the U.S. election. Negotiations are underway to give you the city of Detroit and the Cleveland Browns as a partial payment.

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    • mckbirdbks profile image
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      mckbirdbks 9 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Shy - It appears that the idea of the new administration is to tear down as many of American concepts that they can. It is a test just to see how far they can go before someone stands up and faces them.

      Yesterday I hear that pages of the USDA website were taken down designed to identify organizations that practiced animal cruelty, i.e. puppy mills. Why that was on their list is baffling.

      The Democrats might as well take a break. The tanks of the republican guards are rolling through the city.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 9 months ago from Texas

      Mike, this is so close to the facts it shakes the world right under our feet.

      Oh, Martie, speaking of brain washing! How can you wash something that is not there?

      I wrote a hub about my opinion on abortion and almost got kicked off hp.

      and look what *itch mcconnell did to Elizabeth Warren.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
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      mckbirdbks 9 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Oops, sorry Genna. The comment that started with, "A signed executive order says that financial advisors, when selling services, do not have to take their client's interest into account," was in response to you. Happy Sunday

    • mckbirdbks profile image
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      mckbirdbks 9 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Bill - this administration has made it embarrassing to be an American. I can hear the rebuttals now. They are the same as those in the 60's and early 70's - 'Love it or leave' it and 'get out.' End the end, Nixon resigned in disgrace. Today we started with disgrace and are waiting to see where that leads.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 9 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      A signed executive order says that financial advisors, when selling services, do not have to take their client's interest into account. So, the gates have been thrown open to fleece the elderly and young who do not know better. As for a potential dark crash – I see that as a real possibility. Scaring the public is a time honored way to gain power.

      During the Depression those that had money in a cookie jar did better than those with money in the banking system.

      I’ll use my joke now, that will appear next time. “Dodd-Frank has been renamed Golden-Sacks.”

      As for the house falling on them – their only interest is money. The debt we have racked up is unpayable. Take a look at how the government of Brazil has handled that. They constantly devalue the money by increments of ten. Dollars to dimes. Dimes to pennies. That tool is likely to play out here also.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
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      mckbirdbks 9 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Martie - Russia still has world views. The battle is called oil geography. As Russia is famous for its cold winters, there is a large appetite for heating oil as well as fuel for those tanks they are so proud of.

      The tax on Solar panels comes from pressure from the fossil fuel industries. Heaven forbid, that a nickel of profit is forfeited.

      Fighting for what is right is good for the soul. So no computer games for you.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 9 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello John - I guess I was too dumb to know that political satire was going to represent a problem. That a sitting U.S. president would make it a point to insult world leaders is such a disheartening situation. That a chief strategist, without any experience, would publicly say war with China is inevitable, is criminal incompetence. But here we are.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 9 months ago from Olympia, WA

      Oh, I think the title says it all. I am ashamed of this country for the first time since 1974....hopefully things will get better soon.....great read, of course...have a great Sunday, Mike!

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 9 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Wow, Mike. How close to the truth you come in your parodies. And the disclaimers are also brilliantly funny. As John wrote, "Satire has become reality." I echo Ruby's comment to Martie, "Stay safe." And Maria is quite right, we're not in Kansas anymore.

      Esquire ran an article with a gem of a title: "Say Goodbye to Your Life Savings (Again)". So now we are faced with Trump's promise to "annihilate Dodd-Frank"; yet another wave of anti-immigration and prejudice; and the promise of roll backs of EPA regs. How many times does history have to repeat itself before these people will learn? Does it take a house to fall on them as in the Land of Oz -- and on us as well? And is there any way we can sit this one out? :-)

      Happy Sunday.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 9 months ago from South Africa

      If you ask me, Russia has found empty spaces in some people's heads, and they are now using some kind of electronic hipnoses to brainwash those people. Ridiculous? Well, everything that's happening sounds ridiculous - rather 3rd World practises, as you've said.

      Demanding fees for solar panels? How typical of modern governments - milking their people instead of serving them!

      Politic is not healthy for body and soul. I should reinstall Tetris.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 9 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Good work, Mike. You are doing something that even the creators of South Park say is too difficult.. satirising the Trump Government. Though they add, "It is because in this case satire has become reality."

      As for his "heated" conversation with Prime Minister Turnbull.. well.. I am not sure exactly what was said, but both governments are really on the same wavelength about receiving refugees on our shores. Mr Turnbull's personal comment on Mr Trump was "He has a very big personality".. whatever that means.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 9 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hi Ruby - The clash with Australia shows the isolationist stance being put into place.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 9 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Australia is a good example of insulting our allies. Like I say, " You can't make this up. "

    • mckbirdbks profile image
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      mckbirdbks 9 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Ruby – I cannot make this stuff up. Last week was a blast, deliberately to the ideologies that have held firm in the history of this nation. One, after another, after another assault on the sensibilities that have made us who we are have happened.

      Rolling back pollution regulations for coal companies at the expense of clean waterways is appalling. Rolling back financial consultants fiduciary obligation to their clients is stomach churning. Setting free the wolves of Wall Street sets us up again for a 2008 rerun or worse.

      Where is Congress, as a closed group sit in their office and insult our allies and coddle our enemies?

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 9 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Martie – Oil money owns the poor, the middle class, the millionaires and likely most of the billionaires. They are all powerful and own control the world as we know it. It has been so for a hundred years at least. In Los Angeles around the turn of the 20th century, there were electric trolley cars used as inner city transportation. The oil companies managed to get those lines torn out. Trains ran on steam which had their own pollution issues. Coal burning furnaces are powerful polluters.

      As for the judges, I don’t think they can be fired. They can and likely will be overturned by the Injustice Department once enough heads have rolled.

      The get with the program or leave rhetoric is the most disturbing. It is unheard of in American History. Third World countries are often run like that.

      I sit and wonder why the U.S. thinks it needs Russia to suppress terrorist in the middle east. It shows a weakness in thinking.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 9 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello mar. Speaking of Kansas, that State has added fees for homeowners with solar panels. Purely a money grabbing scheme as harnessing sun power is bad for the utility's in the State's bottom line. That is the corporate mentality that has won complete victory over America.

      Thank you for the good weekend wishes.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 9 months ago from Southern Illinois

      This is just like listening to the national news each evening, and it's alarming! Why can't people see this happening? I know there are some in the GOP who see him for what he really is, yet the idea of power and money rules. " I commandered in chiefed this week. " made me lol. Your disclaimer is brilliant. Like I tell Martie, " Stay safe. " I was going to say that you can't make this stuff up, but you did, and it's happening while we democrats watch in disbelief. Write on Mike.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 9 months ago from South Africa

      I wanted to ask when is somebody going to discover a replacement for oil?

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 9 months ago from South Africa

      When the votes - or rather the votes of an electoral college that bring the votes of people living in rural areas on the same level as those of people living in the urban parts of a country - determines SA's next president, the world will see the most barbaric war in history. People living in the country are mostly traditionally and culturally far behind those who are living in the large metropolitan areas where development happens at the speed of daylight.

      Besides colorful ties, the lack of color in Trump's administration is quite alarming, not to talk about Trump's blitzkrieg plans and actions. (Love the word blitzkrieg!)

      Applause to the judge who has the courage to oppose an executive order, but I guess he, too, will be axed.

      Mike, I know the challenges in my country should keep me too busy to care about the challenges of other countries, but really, whatever happens in the USA affects the rest of the world. On the other hand, and I may have said this before, it may be high time for the USA to fall off the pedestal it has built for itself, in order for the establishment of a more achievable international standard.

      Fauntleroy should appoint Fred Flintstone as one of his advisers.

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 9 months ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Oh my...

      "Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore..."

      Clicking my ruby slippers and wishing you a peaceful weekend. Hugs, mar