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Fauntleroy and Flossy – Press Briefing


Fauntleroy gazed at himself in the mirror, proud of all he accomplished in the first days.

Flossy sat at her dressing table, talking about how well Red B did on his school project. “Darling, is it true that ISIS has closed down the public schools in the territories they held?”

Fauntleroy glanced over at his wife. “Yes, it is true.”

Flossy applied some moisturizer to her cheeks. “Darling, didn’t your new Education Secretary smile at Congress knowing she planned to divert funds from public schools?”

Fauntleroy grunted. “I have to go. There is a Press Briefing this morning and I have to tell him about a laxative induced dream I had last night. I really believe it happened and I want to get it out there to my many, many followers. Yesterday was so much fun. I got to talk with Union members about laying pipe. Get it, honey? Men love talking about laying pipe.”

Flossy picked up a brush and wondered if she should call her lawyer and see exactly what her contract said. She looked over at the bank of phones ringing and hurried to finish so she could go shopping.

Press Briefing

The female press secretary took the podium. “Good morning ladies and gentlemen and you other journalist from the National Press. Welcome to the Spice is Right Show. I am one of the Spice Girls. We have lots of important stuff today, so let’s get started.”

The clicking of the cameras began.

“Yes, Suzy Snowflake from the Sisters of the Conservative Conference Society Covenantry Newsletter, what is your unbiased question?”

“Is it true that the President is going to suspend all the visas issued to the Marxist rebels that were issued under the preceding administration? And a follow up question, will removing them from voter registration rolls be part of the exit strategy?”

“Excellent question Suzy, thank you. The President believes, with all his might, that he can indeed round up the Marxist rebels and all three to five million of them will be removed from the country first and then from the voter registries in all fifty states and Puerto Rico. Because, as you know, he won not only the popular vote, but the unpopular vote as well. He told me personally that.”

“Yes, Billy Bigly from Reichblart’s Boggie Blog.”

“Yes, my readers want to know will, Confederate confidence continue ceaselessly climbing?”

“You know, Billy Bigly, that this administration supports serious systematic symbolic safeguards.” She lifted her AR15 with one hand and raised it above her head. “Thank you for such an enlightened question. The administration has plenty of alternative facts available to support your ongoing efforts. Thank you for your service.”

“Questions? Are there any more questions? No. OK, thank you everyone.”

Clicking of cameras and shaking of heads.

Now a word from our pride and joy:

Spice girl walked away from the podium.

I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General

Connie walked down the hall with Fauntleroy to attend a meeting. “Did you hear that you are ‘Turning the ship of State’ reported earlier?

“Yes, I saw that. That’s good right?”

Connie looked over her shoulder at her president, “Do you know the name Captain Edward J. Smith?” The blank look on his face told her he did not. “He was the Captain of the Titanic.”

Coming down the opposite end of the hall was a Secret Service walking next to an ASIMO robot.

Fauntleroy and Connie glanced at each other. “What is this?” demanded Fauntleroy.

“Sir, Flossy ordered it. It’s cute. I am told it speaks five languages, just like her. According to the directions it transmits radio waves, but only on Soviet satellite frequencies. No worries, it is already programmed thank goodness.”

Connie and Fauntleroy continued down the hall. “Which agent was that, S.P. or Y.?”

“I will find out my president. Why do you want to open Black Op sites in other countries? Can’t we just put them in Chicago, they have opted to go lawless. Right?”

Fauntleroy picked up his unsecure gold phone and began to Tweet. He heard, “Breaker, breaker, come in. Is that you? You are being picked up by CB radio’s all over the interstate. Do you think we should buy stock in Exxon? Come in? Over.”


This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or elected is purely coincidental. The product is the author’s imagination run amok. All information regarding fictitious Marxist visas is flagrantly inaccurate. No journalists real or imagined submitted questions to the Spice is Right press secretary, under secretary or over secretary.

Meanwhile, on the phone with customer service a voice with an Indian accent, that identified himself as Matt is explaining if buyer remorse has set in, to push the red reset button and continue to depress it, until human common sense returns.

If you are allergic to Fauntleroy and Flossy or any of the ingredients found in Fauntleroy and Flossy, stop reading and consult your high school civics teacher, your inner voice, and your basic instincts.


When I was a Lad - HMS Pinafore - Madison Savoyards Ltd. 2010

Hamilton - Alexander Hamilton lyrics

© 2017 mckbirdbks

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