Fauntleroy and Flossy – Press Briefing

Updated on January 28, 2017

Fauntleroy gazed at himself in the mirror, proud of all he accomplished in the first days.

Flossy sat at her dressing table, talking about how well Red B did on his school project. “Darling, is it true that ISIS has closed down the public schools in the territories they held?”

Fauntleroy glanced over at his wife. “Yes, it is true.”

Flossy applied some moisturizer to her cheeks. “Darling, didn’t your new Education Secretary smile at Congress knowing she planned to divert funds from public schools?”

Fauntleroy grunted. “I have to go. There is a Press Briefing this morning and I have to tell him about a laxative induced dream I had last night. I really believe it happened and I want to get it out there to my many, many followers. Yesterday was so much fun. I got to talk with Union members about laying pipe. Get it, honey? Men love talking about laying pipe.”

Flossy picked up a brush and wondered if she should call her lawyer and see exactly what her contract said. She looked over at the bank of phones ringing and hurried to finish so she could go shopping.

Press Briefing

The female press secretary took the podium. “Good morning ladies and gentlemen and you other journalist from the National Press. Welcome to the Spice is Right Show. I am one of the Spice Girls. We have lots of important stuff today, so let’s get started.”

The clicking of the cameras began.

“Yes, Suzy Snowflake from the Sisters of the Conservative Conference Society Covenantry Newsletter, what is your unbiased question?”

“Is it true that the President is going to suspend all the visas issued to the Marxist rebels that were issued under the preceding administration? And a follow up question, will removing them from voter registration rolls be part of the exit strategy?”

“Excellent question Suzy, thank you. The President believes, with all his might, that he can indeed round up the Marxist rebels and all three to five million of them will be removed from the country first and then from the voter registries in all fifty states and Puerto Rico. Because, as you know, he won not only the popular vote, but the unpopular vote as well. He told me personally that.”

“Yes, Billy Bigly from Reichblart’s Boggie Blog.”

“Yes, my readers want to know will, Confederate confidence continue ceaselessly climbing?”

“You know, Billy Bigly, that this administration supports serious systematic symbolic safeguards.” She lifted her AR15 with one hand and raised it above her head. “Thank you for such an enlightened question. The administration has plenty of alternative facts available to support your ongoing efforts. Thank you for your service.”

“Questions? Are there any more questions? No. OK, thank you everyone.”

Clicking of cameras and shaking of heads.

Now a word from our pride and joy:

Spice girl walked away from the podium.

I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General

The security of the Nation is not at the ramparts alone. Security also lies in the value of our free institutions. A cantankerous press, an obstinate press, an ubiquitous press must be suffered by those in authority in order to preserve the even greater values of freedom of expression and the right of the people to know. ~ Murray Gurfein

Connie walked down the hall with Fauntleroy to attend a meeting. “Did you hear that you are ‘Turning the ship of State’ reported earlier?

“Yes, I saw that. That’s good right?”

Connie looked over her shoulder at her president, “Do you know the name Captain Edward J. Smith?” The blank look on his face told her he did not. “He was the Captain of the Titanic.”

Coming down the opposite end of the hall was a Secret Service walking next to an ASIMO robot.

Fauntleroy and Connie glanced at each other. “What is this?” demanded Fauntleroy.

“Sir, Flossy ordered it. It’s cute. I am told it speaks five languages, just like her. According to the directions it transmits radio waves, but only on Soviet satellite frequencies. No worries, it is already programmed thank goodness.”

Connie and Fauntleroy continued down the hall. “Which agent was that, S.P. or Y.?”

“I will find out my president. Why do you want to open Black Op sites in other countries? Can’t we just put them in Chicago, they have opted to go lawless. Right?”

Fauntleroy picked up his unsecure gold phone and began to Tweet. He heard, “Breaker, breaker, come in. Is that you? You are being picked up by CB radio’s all over the interstate. Do you think we should buy stock in Exxon? Come in? Over.”


This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or elected is purely coincidental. The product is the author’s imagination run amok. All information regarding fictitious Marxist visas is flagrantly inaccurate. No journalists real or imagined submitted questions to the Spice is Right press secretary, under secretary or over secretary.

Meanwhile, on the phone with customer service a voice with an Indian accent, that identified himself as Matt is explaining if buyer remorse has set in, to push the red reset button and continue to depress it, until human common sense returns.

If you are allergic to Fauntleroy and Flossy or any of the ingredients found in Fauntleroy and Flossy, stop reading and consult your high school civics teacher, your inner voice, and your basic instincts.

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Questions & Answers

    © 2017 mckbirdbks


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      • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR


        3 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

        Sanxuary you are right that what is happening is out of the realm we have ever seen before. The stance has been taken, 'and there is nothing you can do about it.' Historically that has not worked out so well. New stronger organizations must be raised to push back toward the center.

      • profile image


        3 years ago

        Oddly I do not disagree with the problems. Its the lack of an honest assesment of the problem and the execution of a plan to solve it that does not pass anything reasonable. This is then followed by acts of nepotismn and obvious insanity. They even claim they did not write what they wrote. They sighned these plans with all their goons standing at attention in his office. Talk about weird and strange. The message being sent is us verses them and everyone can not even understand the message they are attempting to send. I have seen plenty of attempts at propaganda by past leaders but this makes no sense to anyone.

      • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR


        3 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

        Sanxuary - that seems to sum it up. The people will come around to a point that makes sense.

      • profile image


        3 years ago

        I have never seen such an act of nepotismn and poor acting in the big top of this three ring circus called our white house. Whats the popularity at around 30 percent and falling. The only way to fix it is to flush it all away. Its like a bad play where the leader wakes up and heres an endless report of bad news and pretends there are no problems at all. In fact the inability to even identify the problem isn no concern. Just make something happen after listening to 3 hours of conservitive talk radio. Then discover that their ideas do not make sense and do not work. Then convince yourself that you our smarter then everyone else and popular. This show continues and the actors are terrible.

      • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR


        3 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

        Hi Bill - The stinging truth is easier to tale with a cup of laughter. Time to laugh and time to act.

      • billybuc profile image

        Bill Holland 

        3 years ago from Olympia, WA

        Comedians around the world are sharpening their pencils and writing routines based on the happening in D.C.....we might as well laugh, right?

      • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR


        3 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

        Hello mar - yes, certainly one of the better lines in this one. Thanks, as always for reading. Peace on earth and good will and such.

        Happy Saturday.

      • marcoujor profile image

        Maria Jordan 

        3 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

        "Flossy picked up a brush and wondered if she should call her lawyer and see exactly what her contract said." - one of my top favorite lines for sure.

        Hugs and a peaceful evening to you, Mike

      • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR


        3 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

        Hello Martie - With all the chaos to be found in your own country, it is a wonder you have time to worry about the United States. The same kind of feelings that ravage your beautiful area of the world are at work here.

        I don't think you are a negative person. You champion the underdog. To address the world wide refugee situation would take to long here. People fleeing from war torn areas have swarmed over Europe and to a much lesser extent here in the U.S. The fleeing people is a symptom, the problem in the war and the foreign policies that sustain them.

        If the Middle East did not have oil, we would never hear a word about the area. As proof of that, I offer the many countries in Africa that are completely unknown here.

      • MartieCoetser profile image

        Martie Coetser 

        3 years ago from South Africa

        Via discreet words, placed in a certain order, you expand the perceptions of your readers.

        Although this is excellent satire, I found it difficult to smile. As a matter of fact, I have to fight symptoms of an anxiety attack.

        Using the Titanic as a casual reference deserves recognition!

        However, I see in my crystal ball an explosion similar to the one that had destroyed Pompeii.

        Fauntleroy, blinded and deafened by his personal obsessions and disorders, has already created endless problems for thousands of innocent people.

        Who's going to stop His Lordshit from wiping innocent people from the face of the earth instead of only terrorists, criminals and drug dealers?

        Honestly, I am trying my best to justify the current trend of events - but in vain, as I am either the most negative individual on earth, or one of a few gifted prophets.

        Hasty climbers have sudden falls!

      • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR


        3 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

        Hello Ruby - The messages need to be loud and clear. They need us more than we need them. They are playing with fire with all the imposing import taxes. Banning labor from entering the country is not that great of an idea. The attack on women's rights, 'was a given' and now it is here. I will never figure that one out.

        I can't even imagine the world they want built. It will be authoritarian.

        Hey, but this is comedy.

      • always exploring profile image

        Ruby Jean Richert 

        3 years ago from Southern Illinois

        My computer is running amok, and your imagination is also running amok, and I love it. I wasn't finished with my comment when it posted without my permission. I wonder if this could be a sign they're watching. I watched both videos and the Hamilton lyrics are scary, and the Major General is a perfect replica of Faunt. I listened to Pence's speech on abortion and I'm afraid we are going back to the dark ages when women died self aborting. This is sad....

      • always exploring profile image

        Ruby Jean Richert 

        3 years ago from Southern Illinois

        Close My Account. Economy is a good idea, in case there's a run on the banks. HaHa, so


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