Fauntleroy and Flossy – Minotaur

Author:
mckbirdbks
Updated date:
Jan 18, 2017

fauntleroy_and_flossy_the_press_conference

Flossy lay across her big brass bed in the Royal residence, “Darling, I agree with you. You are like the Minotaur. You are half man and half bull. But darling, you have the wrong halfs. You are bull-headed.” She smiled to herself at the not spoken part of her metaphor, while twirling her stiletto knife with the KGB microphone built in the handle. “Are you really going to allow the Republican held House and Senate to dissolve the Children’s Health Insurance Program? Is that who we are?”

Fauntleroy glanced away from his mirror as agents S.P. and Y., entered, followed by Connie. “People should know when they are conquered.” She called. “Oh, your law firm, Morons, Lootem and Buckus called. They said to build the wall higher.” She tossed a bag of Lego® pieces to Agent Y. She noticed the fur lined handcuffs on his belt. It saddened her that she might miss a party.

Connie and Fauntleroy turned to leave the room. Faunts camouflage sock phone rang, “Putt-baby. Wait? What? Goudie Ruliana, I told you not to call anymore.” A pause. “What? I gave you a job? Cyber security, you don’t even have a laptop. What? We have been hacked? No, they don’t care. They all want to be in a hotel room in Moscow with hookers. Every man in America wants to be me.” Faunt tucked the phone back in his argyle sock.

“Darling,” Flossy called when they reached the door. “Are you a billionaire philanthropist that runs around Gotham after dark.”

He paused at the door.

"Shall I look on eBay for a spotlight that you can respond to,” she purred. “One that your billionaire friends can use to emit a signal of a big fat cat into the sky.” She smiled. “You can run around making wrongs of all that is right.”

Fauntleroy and Connie stepped through the door. “Get agents R.O.B.I. & N to work up some plans for a bad ass bully car.”

Connie made a note. “Did you see that a bill to repeal the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act and the Health Care and Education Reconciliation Act of 2010 is working its way toward your desk?

“Yes, I don’t see how that makes America Great again.”

“What about H.R. 367: To provide that silencers be treated the same as long guns? We want to be able to kill, but quietly.” Connie loved her wit.

Fauntleroy laughed, “What about H.R. 193: American Sovereignty Restoration Act of 2017 to end membership of the United States in the United Nations. We are going to turn this place into a backwater country at this rate. It will be a patchwork of warlords and mobs, bandits and chaos. The hippies will grow flowers and write folk songs about me.” Fauntleroy reached for the gold phone and tweeted.

White Russian with thin orange peel
Michael Sippey on Twitter via guest contributor

Disclaimer

This is a work of fiction. Characters are the imagination of the fictitious author. Fauntleroy and Flossy are not for everyone. (That should be clear by now.) Names, acronyms, (H.R. Bill’s may be uncannily similar), characters, businesses, places, events and incidents and indictments are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner.

Caution: Do not read while building gangster muscle cars in dark subterranean basements as feelings of depression and anxiety may wrench you from consciousness. Do not attempt this at home, written on a professional track, by a professional driver. All images conjured, are the responsibility of the reader, and the writer bears no medical liability. Images of orange haired, penurious, pedantic, posers are purely the imagination of the reader.

The article is provided “as is” without warranties. Any resemblance to an opium induced stupor, an 80 proof vodka bender or binge watching the Survivor series is purely coincidental.

If you are allergic to Fauntleroy and Flossy or any of its ingredients see your Clinical psychologist, Clinical Social worker, Mental Health Counselor, Certified Alcohol and Drug Abuse Counselor, Psychiatrist, as they are often qualified to provide medication. Psychotic behavior can be repaired.

For those that may be offended by Fauntleroy and Flossy, calm down: here is your placebo, 'John Wayne' - 'Ronald Reagan,' -'they'll have to pry my gun from my cold dead hands' and lets not forget 'Joe the Plumber'; there, are you feeling better?