Fauntleroy and Flossy - Garden of Eden

Updated on April 2, 2017

“Invokana!” Fauntleroy cried. He opened the desk drawer and slammed it.

At the sound of the desk drawer slamming, S.S Agent Y stepped into the office, hand on his weapon.

“Invokana!” Fauntleroy cried again.

Agent Y, spoke into his Dick Tracy secret agent watch, “I think he is looking for Model T. Get Model T.”

Fauntleroy passed out, his head hitting the desk.

Agent Y, spoke again into his watch. “Hurry.”

The mixing of Invokana and maximum strength Rogaine brought Fauntleroy into a dreamlike stupor.

Fauntleroy’s eyes opened. He was alone in the Garden of Eden. The air was crisp and electric. Birds sang from the branches of the trees. It was green and lush. He stood and walked through the garden. He stopped and picked up a rock and thought, “This is my rock, mine all mine, no one else, just mine. He smiled and dropped the rock. He walked up to a banana leaf, and felt its texture, again he thought, mine all mine and took a deep breath. Every creation, he passed, or looked upon, he had the same thought. Mine all mine.

This went on for about a week. “I am getting kind of lonely. The birds are travelling around in pairs and the rabbits seem to be having a good time. Oh, look at those bunnies. If there was only someone to have fun with.”

The next morning there was a creature lying next to him when he woke. It had the same amount of fingers and toes. It was a little smaller physically. He found it pleasing to look at. Then he noticed a difference. The couple stood. He bent and picked up a rock. “This is my rock,” he told this new creature.

Her reply was, “Get over yourself. And I think I am pregnant. You are going to have to build us a house. Three bedrooms, two bath, with granite counter tops in the kitchen. We are going to try shag rugs in the living room, and then later decide we don’t like it as much as we thought. And find a rake and clean up the front yard. The camels must learn to hang out at the far end of the garden. If you want any more of this.”

He reached over to grab what was not there and her quick right hand slapped his face.

He rubbed his face, he thought a moment, “What’s pregnant?”

“You’ll see soon enough. Now go gather some food for us. I am going to take a nap. And the fruit from that tree over there looks appetizing.”

Some time after that the new creature brought a similar looking creature into the garden. This one smaller and always making sounds like when he hit his own toe against a rock. Day and night. The she creature won't let him, touch her anymore. The noise, from the kid, is driving him mad. His hair grew and grew. He found combing the mat of hair over the protruding things on the side of his head, cut the noise down from both her and it.

That night he made an excuse, “I am going out to look for a place to build a bigger house.” He went and found a nice tree to sit under. A piece of fruit fell near his hand. Right there and then he resolved to “Make Eden great again.” (MEGA) He lifted the fruit and took a bite. “Mine all mine.”

A Toucan landed next to him and said, “There are spies everywhere.”

A voice from above boomed, "Don't be a man who always reaches for nothing."

Disclaimer


This is a work of fiction. No, S.S. agents not S., not P., not Y, were consulted during the construction of this piece. Pharmaceutical industry instructions must be adhered to at all times as there have been cases of allergic reactions to non-active ingredient propylene glycol, which is found in some topical formulations. Pseudoacromegaly is an extremely rare side effect reported with large doses of oral formulations. If the song, 'You're So Vain,' is running over and over in your head, you may want to discontinue use of maximum strength Rogaine.

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Executive Disorder

Although Fauntleroy withdrawal is rarely serious it produces a number of very unpleasant side effects. Symptoms generally only last for about a week or two and may include the following:

• Depression

• Anxiety

• Chills

• Body aches

• Tremors and shakiness

• Pain

• Inability to feel pleasure

• Exhaustion

• Challenges in concentration

• Intense craving for cocaine

First Amendment

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

Spinners - Rubberband Man

Hit the road Jack!

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

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    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      19 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Gypsy Rose Lee - It is time for people from every country to stand up to the insanity that seems to have taken over those that have come into power. It is madness, and will not end well.

      You take up the mantle of addressing the transgressions of the government of Latvia.

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 

      19 months ago from Riga, Latvia

      Imagination does it every time. Read and smiled and finished still thinking about it all. You would have a great time writing about the idiots, sad sacks and which way did he go dummies that run the government in Latvia.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      19 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Shy - I think I may have gotten a little bit too much credit. But thank you for your continued support and of course the blessings. Have a good week.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 

      19 months ago from Texas

      Mike, you are a prophet. Maybe he will not wake up from his stupor.

      You are amazing.

      *

      *

      Continued Blessings my friend.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      19 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Ruby - Thank you. I don't think Faunt can wake up. But he still seems to do a lot of damage while he is a sleep. I appreciate your continued support of this parody. The pot is beginning to boil.

      Hoping for an arrest soon.

      This series has gotten a lot of attention the last seven days.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      19 months ago from Southern Illinois

      OMG, I'm laughing so hard I can hardly breathe. This is super funny! The Dick Tracy phone, rogaine and he got the creature pregnant. What a dream, suits him perfectly. To think of him building a house and using a hammer cracks me up again...You just keep getting better, especially the humor. I need this...I'm still laughing. Will Faunt stay in Eden or will he wake up? I'm on my way up to the videos, especially my man Ray.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      19 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello mar. I do what I can. There is not a high paid staff to come up with the jokes here. (Unlike Washington D.C.) I appreciate your medical insight, without consulting your physician, the mixing of your prescriptions is not a good idea. We are witnessing the results.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      19 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Patty – I am sure the listener of prayers is busy at all hours. The apple cart has been tipped over and we are all scrambling to set things right. I had an interesting vision of an army of people marching to Washington D.C. and just our arrival made the Philistines initiate their escape plans. (I am sure they have escape plans for themselves and their loot.)

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      19 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Audrey – We laugh to keep from crying. No clean air, no clean water. Art funding cut. PBS cut. And money for a wall, that will never be built. What have we become?

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 

      19 months ago from Jeffersonville PA

      "The mixing of Invokana and maximum strength Rogaine brought Fauntleroy into a dreamlike stupor."

      Oooohhh, I get it. Thanks, Mike!

      Wishing you a peaceful Sunday. Hugs, mar

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish MS 

      19 months ago from USA. Member of Asgardia, the first space nation, since October 2016

      "Don't be a man who always reaches for nothing." Oh, please let it be so.

      Psalm 1: "How well God must like you—

      you don’t hang out at Sin Saloon,

      you don’t slink along Dead-End Road,

      you don’t go to Smart-Mouth College.

      ...You’re not at all like the wicked, who are mere windblown dust— Without defense in court, unfit company for innocent people.

      God charts the road you take.

      The road they take is Skid Row."

      I agree with Bill - Gethsemane is imminent.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 

      19 months ago from California

      I love it Mike-Invokana! I have to go back and catch up a bit!

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      19 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Martie – You are doing excellent reporting on the madness that is sweeping through your country. It is so curious how the unrest has covered the world. You would almost think there was a conspiracy, possibly by unseen forces, that want a worldwide, revolution, so they can take advantage during the chaos. Maybe something smells Russian. Greed has a grip on the throat of our nation.

      I thought about rewriting the lyrics to Rubberband man to the Ban, Ban man. ha

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      19 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Bill – Of course I had to look up the reference. It is likely to turn into a nightmare first. Then slow democratic improvement. Be vigilant.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 

      19 months ago from South Africa

      Hahaha: ".... the rabbits seem to be having a good time. Oh, look at those bunnies. If there was only someone to have fun with.”

      Lmao!

      I wish I could turn the absurdities in my country into satire like this. Quite entertaining, Mck! This one particularly exposes man's most primitive urges - so visible in some of our current leaders!

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      19 months ago from Olympia, WA

      I'm hoping the current Republican Garden of Eden turns into a Garden of Gethsemane.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      19 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna - Thank you. There is still an avalanche of noise coming from Washington D.C. or is it now Washington B.S.?

      I do notice more and more the faces that are not making it to the screen. Those pulling the strings are hiding in the shadows.

      So many are still sighting things about Clinton and Pres. Obama, like what is going on is just more 'business as usual' and it is not.

      Anyway, I hope I provided a smile this Saturday morning.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 

      19 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      "Invokana! I think he is looking for Model T. Get Model T.” "He found combing the mat of hair over the protruding things on the side of his head, cut the noise down from both her and it." And MEGA and the Toucan. Lol. I am humming in my mind the words, "Hit the road Jack, and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more..."

      What a limitless imagination you have, Mike. Amazing. Thank you for the smiles and chuckles.

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