Fauntleroy and Flossy – Fifty Shades of Brown

Updated on April 4, 2017

Dateline in the near future:

The Washington Pester Reports: Unemployed Immigration Officers Protest

The latest government policy, Executive Order, 50 Shades of Brown, is being hailed as a great success. Armed with Sherman-Williams color swatches, I.C.E., Border Patrol and Federal Policy Police Department jobs have been streamlined for quicker results. The ‘every shade in its place policy’ is the brainchild of the man behind the man in the White House.

The Washington Pester Reports: Russia Invaded

Newly formed Armies from Norway, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Poland, and Romania have launched invasions in Russia. With the promise of forty acres and a marijuana farm the new refugee, immigrant populations are eager for victory. Seventeen million men and women deported from the former United States are trained for victory.

The Cleveland Calvary Corp has taken the Ukraine, and renamed it to Cleveland. The Atlanta Army is pushing toward Moscow. The Baltimore Brigade is nearing St. Petersburg. The Spring offensive is enjoying early success. Pakistan, with permission to cross through China, has entered Kazakstan, leading the Los Angeles Lancers. They are confident of having marijuana fields planted in the new season. The Detroit Dragoons are pushing toward the Taman Peninsula, where they plan to continue the vineyards and grow marijuana.

Put-Baby’s calls for N.A.T.O. assistance. China has vetoed aid.

The Washington Pester Reports: Congress

The deportation, exportation, exploitation is complete The quiet and swift exodus of the remaining women of childbearing age has had an unexpected consequence. Without abortion to talk about, the Congress has been deemed unnecessary and has been disbanded.

Those congress persons wishing new employment have been offered jobs in Central Valley, California harvesting artichokes. They will have to apply, just as the displaced grandmothers from nursing homes.

Devin Nunes assures his colleagues that he can get jobs for his former committee, if not in the artichoke fields, then surely lettuce or beet fields.

The Washington Pester Reports: Cuba

Raul Castro, the leader of the free world, has called on the aid of Japan to help expand the size of their island fortress. Plans are in motion to continue to build out the island, and also raise sixty story buildings that act as both sea barriers and collective farms.

Farmers who once worked in the sugar cane fields will now do their work inside, with climate controls so the food can be grown for the massive influx of people from Miami.

Continued pleas from the former United States go unanswered as their embargo continues. The human rights crimes committed by the United States, “Will not be forgiven,” Mr. Castro is quoted as saying.

The Washington Pester Reports: Lawlessness

With every court in the country litigating executive orders and the lower courts handling the cases concerning abandoned private property the remaining law enforcement officers have been furloughed. As the courts are working at capacity.

The population of the former red states have been marched to the east coast to fight the encroachment of the Atlantic Ocean.

Fauntleroy mourns the loss of Mar-Lago as it was taken by rising sea water.

The Washington Pester Reports: Senate Majority Leader

The administration is pleased to announce the youngest Senate Majority Leader in the institution's history. Red Baron, will assume the role after graduation for Junior High School. His esteemed colleagues are proud to welcome him as their leader.

Disclaimer

This is a fictionalization of a dramatization. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Any reproduction, transmission or broadcast without the express written consent of the fictitious author is a total waste of your time.

Caution: Do not read while operating a motor vehicle, watercraft, or aircraft, or bathing as a risk of a crash, or drowning oneself may occur. Do not read while playing a Microsoft Xbox, Retro-Bit, Nintendo, Sony PlayStation as aggressive behavior has been witnessed in trial samplings.

By reading this the user consents to interception, monitoring, recording, copying, inspection, and disclosure at the discretion of the fictitious author, regarding fictitious characters in fictitious settings.

The article is provided “as is” without warranties.

Crash results may vary.

If feelings of depression persists, consult your psychoactive artificial cannabinoid families of products: including but not limited to, Black Kush, Blaze, Bliss, Canja and Doob. This is not a recommendation of any product fictitious or real. Consult your local legal dealer for details.

If you are allergic to Fauntleroy and Flossy or any of the ingredients found in Fauntleroy and Flossy, stop reading and consult your directory of infinite wisdom, Bone Reading Set, the Tarot card deck of the Silicon Dawn, or your personal astrologer.

Do not attempt this at home. Prepared on a closed course.

First Amendment:.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

In summer 1939 the Soviet Union allied with Nazi Germany and the Red Army joined the Wehrmacht in the invasion of Poland. – Timothy Snyder, On Tyranny

Another One Rides The Bus

Frank Yankovic: America's Polka King

© 2017 mckbirdbks

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    • mckbirdbks profile image
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      mckbirdbks 6 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Svetlana – If you are still into comedy, you may find plenty of material in this piece, Fauntleroy and Flossy – The Ghosts of Presidents Past.

      As usual, you cover a lot of ground with your thought process. All revolutions end in blood, yes, and begin in blood also. Some revolutions work out better than others. The Russian revolution did not work out so well for the Russian people. You are right historically, all empires collapse. Usually when the graft and corruption reach an unsustainable stage. The U.S. may have arrived.

      Antediluvian – now there is a word. Yes, I think as civilization falls, the old tribal ways will return. This time the weaponry will be more efficient.

      Thanks for reading.

      Oh, and 'brown', no I did not mean chocolate.

    • kallini2010 profile image

      kallini2010 6 months ago from Toronto, Canada

      I'm not sure you failed to hit the mark. I just could not possibly comment on all of it - if I had to be serious (I wasn't) - I'd say that no matter what - the position of Who (the World Dominatrix) will be filled and all will be in perfect order. The pyramid always rests on its fat flat. You know, the theory of balance (or stable equilibrium) and all...

      All empires fall, all revolutions end in bloodshed, but the ones who profited from them the most are those who wait and step to the stage at the right time - when all revolutionaries did away with each other and the rest is too tired and exhausted to put up any resistance.

      So, all the wonderful movements (human trafficking) in this chapter will invariably end up in Archipelago "Gulag" (under a different name, of course)

      unless

      it's just fiction (which it is) and I thought Kafka editing "War and Peace" would sound funny. Kafka is more to the point - Tolstoy wrote novels that were too damn long.

      I feel like neither - I always think that once turbulence begins, it's safest and best to watch it end. All in this life is judged and remembered by how it ends.

      I thought by "brown" you did not mean "chocolate"?

      (Maybe I thought about Tolstoy because I'm listening to the audio book "War and Peace". But also your "antediluvian"[just learned this word today] references to Cavalry and especially Dragoons steered my thinking towards times past).

      I also like beets more than marijuana. Even thinking about it makes me hungry. Maybe somewhere in the future it will be 42/50 Shades of Beets (recipe attached).

      Or maybe it's my torpor talking.

      I found it very, very funny. In a hysterical kind of way.

      You are normally twisted.

      If you want to see twisted, try Sokurov's film "Faust".

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 6 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Svetlana – I can see that my twisted sense of humor failed to hit its mark. The context, of my text, (ouch, I am explaining my joke) is that the millions of people deported under the new policy plans formed Armies and justifiably invaded Russian territory. So, the whole cosmic plan, of those that sit in dark holes and play world domination, backfired on them.

      Kafka like – thank you. Yes, I am a mystery, even to myself.

    • kallini2010 profile image

      kallini2010 6 months ago from Toronto, Canada

      Dear Mike:

      I'm at loss - surely, it is a fictionalization of a dramatization, but it feels like Kafka editing "War and Peace".

      The only problem I have encountered is renaming Ukraine into Cleveland - won't it confuse the readers and characters alike?

      The rest is perfectly clear.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Audrey - thank you. It is tough to find humor, though I spend a lot of time shaking my head at the day to day of life with Fauntleroy.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 8 months ago from California

      This may be your best yet Mike--make me smile aaaaallll over the place

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Bill - Thanks for the visit. I guess it is easy to promise someone else's land.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 8 months ago from Olympia, WA

      The invasion of Russia had me howling...the promise of a marijuana farm....great stuff. Hey, it might work!

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hi Patti – We seem to all be under the eye of the mental illness of those that think they are superior because of which rock they crawled out from under. There is no evidence of this superiority. None in sports, or music, or science. But we are faced with the madness.

      History (and DNA) tells me, that I am not pure enough to pass the inspection of this mentality. So, as they say ‘in for a dime.’

      Soon we will be recruited into the armies that you mention.I don’t think the end of days in quite that close. Civilization as we know it maybe, but what passes for civilization needs a deep philosophical examination.

      Nice haiku.

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 8 months ago from USA. Member of Asgardia, the first space nation, since October 2016

      I suppose all Indigenous Western-Hemispherians will be deported to vast stretches of China and Finland since we probably descended from all the Pacific Rim Asians in the East as well as Northern Europeans like the Sami. But Finnish is related to Hungarian in SE Europe, so maybe we are related to Flossy, too.

      So brothers and sisters! Let us join the armies of the northern nations in poetic justice against Faunt and Floss (rhymes with Cantinflas). Fauntleroy can have the Western Hemisphere, since everything he touches will turn to sand, in the End of Days, like probably next week.

      Remember folks! --

      For good fill dirt,

      Call Faunt and Floss,

      Rhymes with Cantinflas.

      (omg, a haiku)

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Shy - Thank you. What a nice thing to say. Now go get the tribe feed. ha

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 8 months ago from Texas

      Mike, the first thing I do when I turn on my computer is look for you Satire Series. Sorry this has to be short, my boys are hungry and I had appointments all day.

      Mar-Lago Atlantis LOL

      Blessings always.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hi mar – we certainly are not in Kansas anymore. Yet, there are flying monkeys (in Washington D.C.) and there is a committee to change the name of D.C. to the Emerald City, or the Green City, as the wheel barrels of money leaves the coffers.

      Between you and me, I thought a couple of lines in here where funny.

      Yes, a prescription from the disclaimer list could be in order.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Ruby – Perhaps I should start a ‘Send a Joint’ to Congress, or better yet, “Send Congress to the Joint’ you pick. Now, have me laughing. The whole world is watching and they are laughing at us here in the U.S. They say, there is one born every minute; what a terrible minute we must have had along the way. Thanks for staying with these bits of nonsense.

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 8 months ago from Jeffersonville PA

      "Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore..."

      Seems like 50 shades of any color is excessive - especially brown.

      My stomach hurts from laughing, dear Mike. I'll check through these disclaimers and see if I can rustle something up to remedy that... Hugs, mar

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 8 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Congress disbanded, displaced grandmothers from nursing homes, why is this not scaring the H out of me? Instead I'm laughing my fool head off. Our only hope is everyone in the government will be so stoned on marijuana we can retake the white house. I loved this satire, brilliantly written. The whole world is watching. I wish everyone with a brain could read this.....

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Martie - Thank you. We can only hope that the tumors that has reached the brain of the country (countries) will soon be removed and the bio-waste will be properly disposed.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 8 months ago from South Africa

      Go figure! Your imagination gallops like a wild horse in a direction no-one has ever heard of. This sounds like an invasion of aliens.

      Having a leader with the knowledge, insight, vision, wisdom, arrogance, and mentality of a Junior High School graduate, is the reason for SA's problems. Hopefully the asshole will be impeached by next week this time, as he has shut himself in the head (never mind foot) by going rogue like an African dictator. In the process he caused mayhem he was too stupid to foresee.

      Fauntleroy will soon follow suit.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna – I had fun putting this episode together. These little jokes were popping into my head fast and furious as I tried to get some sleep the other night. I hope that I remembered all of them. The climate deniers will had water up to their chin before they will stop supporting the oil industries. It is a shame that there is not saner minds that will prevail. That the pursuit of money will destroy the planet is so far out of the realm of sanity, it is beyond me.

      I think it was an episode of Vice, where the water was over the barriers in Miami, and the flooding had begun, with just a small storm. A super storm will do billions in damage. Yet, everything is ‘normal’

      I am not sure the nation at this point can wake up in time to set a course out of the current storm.

      Thanks for staying with these stories.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 8 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      "Armed with Sherman-Williams color swatches, I.C.E., Border Patrol and Federal Policy Police Department jobs have been streamlined for quicker results." Lol! Oh, Mike, this one, and others, made my day. I laughed so hard, I have literal tears in my eyes.

      "With the promise of forty acres and a marijuana farm the new refugee, immigrant populations are eager for victory." Where do we sign up? :-)

      "The population of the former red states have been marched to the east coast to fight the encroachment of the Atlantic Ocean. Fauntleroy mourns the loss of Mar-Lago as it was taken by rising sea water." Touche!

      "If feelings of depression persists, consult your psychoactive artificial cannabinoid families of products: including but not limited to, Black Kush, Blaze, Bliss, Canja and Doob. This is not a recommendation of any product fictitious or real. Consult your local legal dealer for details." Precious.

      Brilliant. This is better than SNL. Haven't they contacted you yet, my friend?