Fauntleroy and Flossy – Applause Button

Updated on March 4, 2017

“Listen,” Con con Connie said to Fauntleroy. “This is serious. No one wants to eat the Russian food we are serving in the WH cafeteria. The cold borscht is a bust. You told me that the franchise was going to be a money maker. I sunk a chunk of change into this enterprise. I thought you were the big business brain.” She paused. “My president.”

Fauntleroy glanced at her across the royal resident sleeping quarters. “I have four thousand cases of Baltika beer on a freighter being towed into Norfolk Shipyard. “Get out there and make people mad. People always drink more beer when they are mad. You placed your order for four hundred cases and you are going to pay, or I will sue you.” He tried to straighten his red tie. “Who buys these ties? This tie is about a foot too long.” He gave his Billy Goat gruff look. “I am getting push-back from Vader on a few things. I thought he was on board. Bahsee is hold up in his war room – who knows what he is doing? Anybody?” He looked over, gave up on the tie. Fauntleroy kept talking. “It is bad enough I have to rebottle six thousand gallons of vodka. Lucky for me that group in El Salvador offered three cents a bottle. They are going to slap a label over my name and refill those bottles with TicTack and sell the whole lot to the Guatemalans.” Con con Connie was gone.

Fauntleroy glanced over to see if the satellite robot was transmitting. “We are finally going to give payback to the Spanish for their opposition to us in Spain. Of course we are short on Spanish people, so the people of Mexico will have to pay.”

He picked up the red phone, “Get me, whoever was in charge of the applause recording used during the speech given to congress. That was a terrible, the rest of the soundtrack was fine. Every time he pressed the applause recording it came across scratchy and fake. The Dems are responsible. I want to get to the bottom of this. It is the biggest scandal so far in my administration.” He slammed down the red phone. ‘Too bad, no one in Hollywood will work for me,” he thought.

The camouflage phone rang, “Yes.” He listened for a moment or two. “Yes, I took an ax to The State Department. You are getting the payback, for how they have been mistreating you all these years. They will lose influence and more power as we push forward with your plans. How is my mansion on the Black Sea coming along. I may have to leave sooner than we thought.” He listened again. “I can’t just make 187 Congressmen disappear.” A moment later. “What do you mean, why not?”

Put-Baby set down his camouflage phone. His eyes just slits in his face. He thought a moment and picked up the red phone on his bank of phones. When the phone was picked up, he said, “Release the information about his Security Council. We will squeeze him until he gets his people to pay for our tanks, and pay for our planes. I don't care if their children starve, or their cities crumble. When we are done, the Americans will be so afraid that they won't dare intercede when we take the Ukraine or the Balkans, or Poland for that matter. He is right about one thing. You don’t have to defeat the Americans. You have to buy them.” He laughed, “and with their own money.”


This is a work of fiction. No, oligarchs were consulted. All speculation is the twisted imagination of the fictitious author. No leaked Wikileaks reports were reviewed. No Russian spies embedded in the U.S. government offices were called for confirmations.

Fauntleroy and Flossy are not for everyone. Consult your physician at the first sign of opioid induce constipation. Blurry vision, and letters from the Russian alphabet are common under current administrative conditions.

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    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR


      3 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Bill - It would be a shamed if I just had an ordinary 'Mad Republican' to deal with instead of a house full of Communists puppets. I heard last night that the Right wing candidate for president in France borrowed 11 million from Russia for her campaign. That speaks volumes to me.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      You realize, don't you, that this series won't last too much longer? Real life events pretty much dictate that your fictionalized characters are based on real people who will be forced out the back door soon.

      I hope, I hope, I hope!!!!!

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR


      3 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna - Wasn't there a fellow named Nero? He played his fiddle while Rome burned. Is all the madness we are seeing just fiddle playing and America is burning?

      The title of this came from, watching the congressional presentation. The audio was clear all the while, except when the applause came. Then the audio seemed distorted, on my tv at least. 'They' toyed with the audio, like a TV show. The worst reality TV show in the history of this country (which is saying something.)

      Do you see, that all the outrage was manufactured by the WH? When they stopped the psycho behavior, we Democrats all let out a sigh of relief.

      The trap has been set. The opposition party is making plans and raising money to win more seats in Congress and the Senate. All above board. How much is Thorazine?

      Have a wonderful evening and enjoy your Sunday.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR


      3 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Ruby - What an unusual situation. The Canadian owned pipeline, using Russian steel, goes through U.S. territory to be refined three thousand miles away to turn tar-sands into gasoline. That does not make sense to me. I doubt that gasoline is intended for American markets. This corruption goes much deeper than we know. Maybe America has been gone for a long time.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR


      3 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Martie - Indeed money talks. And there seems to be so much of it. It also seems that some people cannot have too much. It does not matter if there are millions or billions, they still need more. Sad state for humanity.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 

      3 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Hi Mike. "You don’t have to defeat the Americans. You have to buy them.” He laughed, “and with their own money.” Ouch...did that one ever ring true. Lol. Actually, all of the statements in this witty installment ring true. Given the sunrise edition of neenu-neenu Tweets from the "POTUS" about alleged wiretaps, I'd say your stories are no longer parables or satire, Mike. They are an accurate reflection of the Twinkie in the Tinfoil Hat who occupies the WH. For heaven's sake...this man needs a straitjacket and a steady stream of Thorazine. God help us all.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      The Keystone pipeline upsets me more than the election. When will we know that we've taken enough from the Indian nation? I expect to see more heads roll as the truth trickles out. Great fun to read your take on the imposters who have taken over our white house.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 

      3 years ago from South Africa

      Money talks!

      I thought those long, colorful ties, or rather scarves, and in particular the red ones, represent the Fauntleroy administration's unique trademark.

      Thanks for the smiles, Mck!


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