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Fauntleroy and Flossy – Address to Congress


Fauntleroy paced back and forth in the Royal chamber. The camouflage phone pressed to his ear. “Four billion? Yes, we can do four billion. Place that illegal drug cash with our man in Dubai. I can use it to build my Dubai Towers and Resort. I’ll get my contact at the Lebanese Canadian Bank to draw up a loan; we’ll buy used cars with the cash and send them to West Africa. Once you sell them you can bring clean money back into your accounts through the shell companies we set up. OK, I’ll wait for word from Metrovichky.”

Fauntleroy looked around for Flossy. Next to her bed stood a steely eyed robot with red l.e.d.s flashing. He moved and sat at his desk. He picked up his Sharpie pen bought from Amazon Ukraine.

Writing the Speech

“It has been an exciting four weeks since I was swept into office by the biggest margins in the history of voting. Ninety percent of the people voted for me. Ninety percent is big, almost the biggest. Those other percentage points were bought by Democratic sympathizers and illegal voters. Right here in my pocket, we have proof.”

He made a note in his script to pat his pocket.

“You Democrats might as well get up and leave the chamber."

Another script note. Entry of armed men with military uniforms, without insignia, faces covered, enter and escort the Democrats out.

"We will just record your votes as ‘No’ votes. No need to waste the true American Patriots time with your whining about how you lost. You are losers, that is why you lost. We are winners, the rest of us in this room are the masters of the universe. See what happens when you let those people vote. Our will be done, do you hear me, our will be done, here as it is in heaven.”

“Starting Monday, Russian will be taught in our elementary schools. Teachers who cannot speak Russian might as well stay home. Go down to Home Depot and buy a broom. We, out of the goodness of our hearts will give you street sweeping jobs. Too bad the circuses have all closed down. Any of you lower than a dog, immigrants that speak Russian; we are offering discount coupons for Green cards. See the local elementary schools for details.”

“The new public elementary school uniforms are being worked on by Model T’s new companies. Black boots are available now in all sizes. Available at all retailers except Nordstroms. We start immediately creating soldiers for our army against the barbarian hordes that are amassing on our borders. Only I and I only can gather the supreme forces of Good to stop them. I will General the Army and Admiral the Navy and fly point with the Air Force in this the most worthy of crusades.”

“Our new Nation will be clean and safe. Women will, once again get to stay home. They will tend to the wishes of their families and the needs of their husbands. Men will once again be masters in their own homes. There will be tricycles on the sidewalks once again, as it will be safe to go outside. There will be new Chevrolets in driveways, as the high tariffs on Toyotas and Nissan vehicles will keep them out. Women will be dressed, like ladies, with hemlines that go to the mid-calf. Again, Model T is taking care of you ladies, and her clothing is on sale now at retailers near you.”

“Of course all these new plans cost money. Rather than ask Congress to pass appropriation bills, we gathered the heads of all the banks. As of midnight last night all funds in banks have been frozen. All 401s, IRAs, 529-Bs, all savings and checking accounts will be absorbed into the General fund. New World orders cost money. After all, how long can we here in Washington keep snapping our fingers and creating money out of thin air. At first, there will be a certain amount of dissatisfaction. There will be pain and dark days. There will be hunger and despair. All these things are common throughout the world. But I am going to bring them here. But you will see, if you trust me and my henchmen things will get so good, that America will be Great again.”

“OK, Republican, let's get to work. And don’t forget Fauntleroy in 2020 and beyond.”

In the gallery sat two journalists from the Washington Pester. Their names are Carl Woodstock and Bob Barestones. They are working on a trail of money laundering between looting Russian gas and oil moguls, rogue nation bankers, and the resort hotel and casino businesses operated throughout the Western world.



This is a work of fiction. No National Deconstructionists were consulted in the manufacture of this fictitious piece of satire. No destroyers of the administrative state were involved in its creation. No New World Order rationalist thinking influenced the writing. No maniacal focus was needed to render the words into comprehensible sentences. No individual freedoms were trampled in the name of untenable utopias.


Deconstruction of the United States government, weakens our standing in the world. As deconstruction progresses, our enemies become stronger and will begin to test our weaknesses. Loosely conjoined States do not comprise a nation. America has adopted many ideas from other Western nations of the world and that has brought us progress. It is progress that lifted all of us. There is no rolling back time to some feudal system long discarded.

Here is your Russian connection. Deeper than we thought.

Here is your Russian connection. Deeper than we thought.

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