A Life Worth Living. Chapter Twenty Six
If I Knew Then What I Know Now
If you got the chance to go back in time and give your younger self some advice about life, what advice would you give? What lesson have you learnt through life that you wished you had known?
I was born into an environment of poverty, to drunken abusive parents. I developed negative beliefs about myself and every aspect of my life. I was miserable and believed I would always be unhappy because I did not know how to change my situation. I had no way of accessing information and relevant advice that might have helped me grow as a person.
Without knowledge of how we are conditioned and programmed from birth to be the person we become, I believed I was, who I thought I was, a stupid, worthless thing. I believed there was no chance that my life would never improve, and every day felt like a battle I had to survive. I did not enjoy life, I did not even want to get out of my bed and face each day I had to face. I was in a constant state of emotional stress and distress for years. I could not see the point to life or the purpose of it.
I share my past unhappy experiences, in the hopes that my story resonates with another, raises awareness of negative beliefs in those who feel trapped, in an unhappy life or relationship, so they can take control of their own lives and choose to feel happier.
I look back not because I want to remember the pain and embarrassment of my life and to dwell on it, but to show example of how personal beliefs have shaped my choices, attitude and behaviour throughout my life, and to share that learning in the hopes that my story will help another.
I know there are many in unhappy relationships or abusive relationships because they feel that is all they deserve. They are afraid to be alone so put up with abusive relationships rather than their fear of loneliness.
Or, they are lonely and have given up on finding a true partner in life. They search for the love they know they need in all the wrong places.
Love yourself, is the message I would give myself if I could go back in time.
Letter To My Younger Self
I see and feel your pain and confusion as you go through life. I know you live in fear of not being good enough as a human being to be accepted by others. I know you are living life in survival mode always on alert ready to protect yourself should you need to. I feel your low spirit, low energy, thoughts and feelings of why carry on.
You feel angry, sad, afraid, ashamed, guilty, sorry, frustrated, disappointed, embarrassed and other negative emotions, but, you are not aware of what you are feeling. You do not know how to get what you want from life because you feel overwhelmed, highly stressed and unworthy of anything you need or want. You feel unloved and are desperate to be loved and accepted.
I hear your inner critical chatter that berates you constantly with, 'I am stupid, I am not worth it, I am not enough, I am not wanted, I am not lovable criticisms that leave you feeling anxious, sad, guilty and other negative emotions. You do not know yet that inner critic reflects the beliefs we have of ourselves and you believe the critical voice.
I know the many mistakes you have made in life, the times you have let yourself down by behaving in ways not comfortable to yourself, or with who you truly are at heart. I know your errors in judgements and the reasons for your bad choices in life. I know who you are and why you do what you do. I know that you always did your best and your intention was always to do your best, yet you punish yourself for not doing better.
Your mind is numbed by prescribed anti depressants and you feel like a zombie. Early childhood trauma and its effects have had an impact on the way you think and feel. Intrusive thoughts and flashbacks are constant and taking a toll on your mind and body. You think scary, self abusing thoughts all the time and believe them. There is no joy in life and you enjoy nothing about life. You were diagnosed and labelled with depression, your pain medicalised and you rely on the medicine to get you through the day.
You feel like a prisoner to life, trapped in a life where you feel afraid. Frustrated you feel like a caged animal unable to find a way out. Feelings of anxiety and hopelessness are heavy weights carried daily. You do not yet understand that you have choices in life and that you can choose a different way of existing.
You feel guilty because you do not feel that you are enough. You spend your life doing what you do not want to do because you believe that is what you should do. You fear rejection so you do what is expected of you and not what makes you happy. Doing what you want to do, makes you feel guilty so you do nothing for yourself. You sacrifice your needs for the sake of others because you believe you should. You feel that you would rather go insane then carry on with a miserable existence of pain and confusion of life.
From the future, I write with good news! You do not have to feel the frustration and pain you are feeling. You can live a life of love and happiness. You can live the life of your dreams. As ridiculous and impossible as that might seem when you first hear, you can actually live the life of your dreams if you believe you can. At first you will not believe, but eventually you will understand that we become who we think we are.
You do not yet have the knowledge of how beliefs, negative or positive, have an impact on every thing we do in life. That what we experience in life, good or bad, will depend on the belief we carry.
When the student is ready the teacher will come is true. In time you will learn to understand how to improve your life and share your learning. You will write about your humdrum, abusive, mind boggling life experiences and beliefs in the hopes that others will take heed, become aware of their own negative beliefs and not waste the precious life we have been given. Beliefs are not facts, and once a belief is identified, it can be changed.
Negative Life Beliefs
You think and believe that if everything looks okay to the outside world, everything will be fine. You care too much about what other people think. You try adapt and change the real you to fit in and be like those around you. You feel uncomfortable in your environment but you want and need to fit in and survive life. You just want to fit in but feel that you have to sacrifice yourself to do that.
You will learn to be your true, authentic self and be comfortable about who you are. You will learn to love yourself and change your beliefs to life affirming beliefs which enrich your life. You will learn to understand that you are enough as you are.
You believe that you have to be in a relationship to feel love and feel good about yourself. You have the belief that you are not as important as the other person in a relationship, and you feel and believe you have no choices within a relationship.
You feel inferior to all others and allow yourself to be disrespected and hurt. Why? Because you believe yourself to be inferior to everyone. You continue in relationships that do no make you feel good because you are desperate for acceptance and terrified of rejection.
Your life will change dramatically when you start to identify and question your beliefs. When you learn to love yourself your life will reflect how you feel. You cannot be in a relationship and have anything to offer until you learn to love yourself.
Love Yourself First
You go through life feeling unloved because you have no love for yourself and you do not yet understand the meaning of love.
You believe it is wrong to put yourself first. You put everyone's needs before your own needs even to the extent of causing yourself pain and suffering. Why? Because you belief it is your role to put others needs before your own. You believe you are the lowest of the low and unworthy, undeserving of good in your life through believing you are ugly and stupid. All these feelings of unworthiness will change when you learn to love yourself first.
Believe In Yourself
As a child you were taught negative beliefs about yourself and the world around you. You were taught that you were worthless and you believed you were worthless. These beliefs that you carry are not your truth but you don't know that yet.
Right now you are looking at life and the future with a feeling of dread and sense of fear as a result of your belief system. Many beliefs you have today will completely change in the future but you do not understand what a belief is yet.
You will learn about your beliefs and learn to question them. You will replace your negative beliefs with positive ones. You will know that knowledge and learning about ourselves as human beings, is a normal and powerful activity. You will know not to listen to those around you who do not believe in you or want the best for you. You will believe in yourself.
You struggle financially because you have negative beliefs about money and the meaning of money. Some of your beliefs are passed down through the family and the family were always poor. As a child you were told money does not grow on trees or that you did not deserve money. You lived in poverty and repeatedly told by others, that wealth and the nicer things in life were for people more deserving that you.
You were taught and believed it was a sin to want more. It was greedy to want more than you had and you are afraid to want. You feel guilty if you think I you would like to have wealth. You learn that you can change your financial beliefs.
At this time in your life you live in fear of the wrath of God should you anger him or commit, what you believe to be a sin. Your beliefs are not your own. Your mother taught you to fear God and in time you believed her. She feared God and she taught you her beliefs because that is what she believed. You are a prisoner of a false belief about God. You believe God could strike you dead at any moment so you live in fear of having a bad thought or thinking badly about others.
You can change your beliefs and you will, one day, understand that you can change your beliefs about God and release the fear you are controlled by.
Positive Self Talk
You will enjoy your life without fear by finding love for yourself. Learn to love yourself and know life will change. Learn to love yourself enough to make decisions based on truth and not out of guilt or shame.
You will learn to recognise the real you, to identify your true self and live authentically. You learn to think and speak to yourself in loving ways even when you do cannot believe it yourself. In time, positive self talk will be your default mode because you believe in yourself.
You repeat to yourself daily the following statements, At first you will not believe but with repetition of the loving statements and the intention to believe, you will come believe what you say,
I love myself.
I believe in myself.
I am fully confident in who I am.
I focus on the good things in life.
I choose to be forgiving of myself and others.
I respect and am respectful to others.
My positive self talk is loving and encouraging.
I am health, wealth and success.
I am beautiful.
I am relaxed and enjoying life.
I accept and love myself.
I am stress free and have inner peace.
I create a better life and make good decisions.
I grateful for the life I lead.
I am grateful for the lessons in life.
Ask The Right Questions
Learn about your beliefs and question them. Replace your negative beliefs with positive ones. Know that knowledge and learning about ourselves is a normal, powerful, life enhancing activity. Do not listen to those around you who tell you that you are not mentally normal or weird for questioning yourself.
Am I happy right now?
Why am I doing what I do each day?
Is this what I want from my life?
Am I enjoying my life?
Do I feel good about myself in this relationship?
Do I enjoy my job?
What do I truly want from life?
What do I want to achieve in my life?
What am I afraid of?
What are my beliefs?
For The Reader
Life is not a practice run, this is it. You only get one attempt so make it good. We cannot go back in time so believe in yourself now. Know that you are worthy and refuse to let anyone tell you differently. If you feel unworthy, question your beliefs about yourself.
Know that you have a choice of continuing your life as it is or, you can change your belief and change life for the better. Choose beliefs that will serve you well, that will bring you the life of love and happiness, a life that is your birthright.
You will never change your reality, your outside world, until you change your inner beliefs, and you cannot change your inner beliefs until you are aware of them. We feel bad emotionally when we are led by a negative belief. To change how we feel we learn to identify what we are feeling at any given time, identify the negative beliefs that are making us feel unhappy and change them.
Our expectations about life depend on what we believe about life. If we believe life is meant to be a joyous happy journey then that is what we will experience. Or, we can believe that the world is an unsafe place and life is a fight for survival. Whatever you believe you will experience.
Learn about your beliefs and learn to question them. Replace your negative beliefs with positive ones life affirming beliefs and believe in yourself. Know that you are enough and are worthy of whatever you desire from life, if you believe you are.
Truly love yourself first would be the advice I would give my younger self, what would yours be?
Please feel free to comment in the box below.
Chapter Twenty Seven to follow.
- A Life Worth Living; Chapter One
Born into a violent home, I was given last rites within hours of my birth. My first day of life was a battle to survive and there were more battles of survival to come. This is my journey of survival.
- A Life Worth Living. Chapter Twenty Five
My learning of how my negative beliefs from abusive childhood, silently affected every aspect of my life and choices I made. Consequences of negative beliefs as experienced by me. Here I discuss my beliefs and how they affected my relationships.