Worst Math Jokes and Math Puns
Telling math jokes is the first sine of madness...
Here's a collection of the worst math jokes and bad math puns I've come across. Use these to lighten the mood in your classroom, drive away friends and lovers, or annoy strangers on the bus. If you manage to read the list all the way to the end, you've got a better sense of humor than most!
Stop me if you've heard these before...
- Why couldn't the math professor's daughter buy her first car? Her parents wouldn't cosine on a loan.
- What happened to the pasty math teacher who sunbathed too long? He became a tangent.
- What did the calculus teacher say to her students when she caught them drinking alcohol? "Don't drink and derive."
- Why couldn't the student understand how to simplify 2n + 2n? It was 4n to him.
- Why did the Algebra II student leave all the answers blank on her quiz? The answers were all imaginary numbers.
- Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9.
- What gets bigger when you turn it upside down? The number 6.
- What did the mermaid wear to her math class? An algae-bra.
- How come we will never run out of arithmetic teachers? Because they're always multiplying.
- What excuse did the young mathematician write when her father asked her why she wouldn't eat her dinner?
Have these puns groan on you? Here's more anyway.
- How is a doctoral student in theology like a Laplacian operator? She's a div grad.
- What is the contour integral around Zimbabwe? Zero, because all the poles are in Poland.
- What is the integral of 1/cabin? Log cabin + C, in other words, a houseboat.
- Why did the calculus teacher name her dog Cauchy? Because it left a residue at every pole.
Jokes for Serious Math Nerds
- What are the 10 kinds of people in the world? Those who know binary and those who don't.
- Why did the chicken cross the road? Left as an exercise for the reader.
- Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip? To get to the same side.
- What does the "B" in Benoit B. Mandelbrot stand for? Benoit B. Mandelbrot.
- An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar. The first says, "One beer, please" The second says, "Half of a beer, please" The third says, "One fourth of a beer, please" When the bartender realizes what's going on he brings out two bottles of beer. The first mathematician says, "It's good to know your limits."
- How do you get beer if you're under 21? Pour root beer in a square glass.
- Why did the nomad call himself x^2 + 1? He had no real roots.
- What is PA + PN + LA + LN? It's a (P+L)(A+N) that's been foiled.
Miscellaneous Math Jokes
- What is yellow and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice? Zorn's Lemon.
- Why were the parallel lines sad? They could never meet.
- What is purple and commutes? An abelian grape.
- Why did the math student get an F on his English quiz? He wrote "i is the square root of negative one."
- What does Al Gore play on the banjo? Algorithms.
- What did one math book say to the other? Leave me alone, I've got my own problems.
- What did the mathematician rename her parrot after it died? Polygon.
- Why did 60° break up with 120°? She's acute angle, but he was too obtuse to notice.
- What do you get when you cross a mosquito with mountain climber? Nothing, you can't cross a vector with a scalar.
- Why did the math student draw a tree covered in mud and a piece of dog poo on her arithmetic test? Because 100/3 is dirty tree and a turd.
- Why do Möbius strippers earn such paltry tips? They only show one side.
- An engineer and a mathematician were on desert island. They found two palm trees with one coconut each. The engineer climbed up one tree, picked the coconut, and brought it down for them to eat. The mathematician climbed up the other tree, picked the coconut, then climbed up the first tree and put the coconut up there. When the engineer said "What the hell did you do that for?" the mathematician replied, "I reduced it to a problem we already know how to solve."
Math Pick-Up Lines to Ensure You Never Multiply
- Hey girl, what's your sine? It must be pi/2 because you are the 1.
- Can I be your first derivative? I want to be tangent to your curves.
- I wish I was your second derivative so I could know your concavities.
- Can I plug my solution into your equation?
- I don't know if you're in my range, but I'd like to take you back to my domain.
- Can I be your secant line? I want to touch you in at least two places.
- Let's take each other to the limit to see if we converge.
- I'm your multivariable calculus homework that's due tomorrow. I'm hard and you're gonna do me.
Know any other horrible math jokes? Leave a comment!