50 Funny and Bizarre Excuses Given to Police and Insurance Companies Following Car Accidents
The public perception of policemen and women may be that they do an extremely serious job.
The public perception of insurance company representatives may be that they do a rather dreary job.
Yet it seems both these professions have their moments of mirth; and not least when dealing with the claims and excuses of those members of the public who have been involved in an unfortunate car accident.
On this page fifty of the silliest, most incomprehensible and unintentionally funny explanations for these car accidents are reproduced. What exactly is going on in the brains of the speakers is unclear. Some may be the spur of the moment, mangled attempt of a guilty individual trying to deflect blame from himself or herself. Others I'm sure are entirely sincere statements by people who, when confronted by authority figures like policemen, or with official claims procedures, become nervous and befuddled.
Whatever the reason may be for these blunders of verbal or written evidence, they are undeniably funny!
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Just Why Did I Have That Accident? 20 Genuine Insurance Claim Explanations
- Leaving home for work I drove out of my drive and straight into a bus; the bus was five minutes early.
- I was driving my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.
- I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way.
- One wheel went into the ditch. My foot jumped from the accelerator pedal, leapt across the lane to the other side and jammed in the trunk of a tree.
- I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
- The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing.
- I was knocked out as a result of the collision and was taken to hospital where I sustained serious injuries.
- Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and struck a tree I haven't got.
- The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week.
- The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.
- I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
- I don't know who was to blame for the accident; I wasn't looking.
- There was no damage to the car as the gate post will testify.
- I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.
- I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
- I had one eye on a parked car, another on approaching lorries, and another on the woman behind.
- I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact..
- I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.
- A truck backed through my windshield onto my wife's face.
- I told the other Idiot what he was and went on.
Hazardous Pedestrians Keep On Crashing Into My Car!
Driving on the roads would be a lot safer for all of us, if people walking around didn't insist on causing accidents by getting in the way:
- The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.
- The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again.
- The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
- I saw the slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.
- Three women were talking to each other, and when one stepped back and one stepped forward, I had to have an accident.
And If It's Not The Pedestrians, Then It's All Those Stationary Objects That Are The Problem!
- I collided with a stationary tree.
- A lamppost bumped into my car, damaging it in two places.
- I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
- The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end.
- I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
Who Would Be A Traffic Policeman?
We perhaps don't always have the greatest sympathy for traffic patrol officers, but maybe we should - they obviously have some very tricky situations to deal with:
- I'm sorry officer for speeding, but without my glasses I can't hardly see the speedometer.
- Sorry, Officer, I know I was speeding, but I was trying to get to the gas station in a hurry before I ran out of gas.
- I know I was going fast, I was trying to get the snow off my windshield so I could see where I'm going.
- Sorry officer for throwing the beer cans out the window but I didn't want my wife to see how many that I have drunk.
- My wife ran off with a state policeman and when I saw your flashing lights I didn't stop because for a second, I thought you might be the trooper who is trying to bring her back to me.
The Trouble With Cows (And All Other Animals)
Cows seem to be a particular menace when confronted by car drivers. Half the animal-related claims and excuses seem to mention cows. But it's unfair to blame just our bovine friends. It seems flies, camels and elephants also have it in for us:
- A cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow was half-witted.
- I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
- A Bull was standing near-by and a fly must have tickled him because he gored my car.
- In attempting to kill a fly I drove into a telegraph pole.
- I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard.
Poor Folks. It Really Wasn't Their Fault - Honest It Was Someone Else's. Or Something Else's
- The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
- My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
- I left my car unattended for a minute and, whether by accident or design, it ran away.
- An Invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
- The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.
- As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
- To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian.
- The accident was due to the road bending
- I bumped into a lamp-post that was obscured by human beings.
- I consider neither vehicle to blame, but if either was to blame it was the other one.
And Finally - Here's An Extra One From 1954 ...
And just to prove that things don't change, here's an incredibly detailed insurance claim from as long ago as 1954:
'This car was hired (when) my own was being repaired. Unfortunately the front seat was fixed and owing to the abnormal size of my tummy I was unable to sit without the steering column being firmly wedged into the latter. In fact I had to pull my stomach in whenever I made a turn of any consequence. Coming up a steep hill, on rounding a corner I met a nasty little boy trying to break his neck speeding downhill on a bicycle. I was forced to pull into the side suddenly, and as my tummy muscles failed to react the steering column did likewise and I struck a heap of roadside clearings'
All My Other Pages ...
I have written articles on many subjects including science and history, politics and philosophy, film reviews and travel guides, as well as poems and stories. All can be accessed by clicking on my name at the top of this page
Please feel free to quote limited text from this article on condition that an active link back to this page is included
My Other Pages Of Quotes:
- 100 Quotations about Politics
Some of the words of politicians are among the most erudite of all sayings. But some others are banal nonsense. This is my selection of the most memorable of all political quotes and jokes
- 100 Quotations About Age - Funny and Witty Quotes
Some of the wittiest and most humorous quotations in the English language are quotations about age; about childhood, about adolescence, middle age and growing old. On this page are a few of the best.
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