That's a great and heartfelt question. While it is important to not live in the past, we simply cannot ignore the past. And, we should never feel bad when we feel like the past is stuck on our back and we cannot shake it. Please know that nothing that happened in your childhood is your fault. It takes time, professional help and the love and support from friends and family as well as others who have been in your situation, to help you heal. Simply put, do not carry this trauma and burden alone. There is a lot for you to unpack and it will be difficult to do so alone. Hopefully, there are others you trust to be your support and you have access to a professional you can talk to. For me, I've been able to talk with a professional for over 15 years and it really helps me to put things in perspective and to "eat my mountains bite by bite", as Iyanla Vanzant would say. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you find the peace of mind and energy you need to thrive.