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Just Boozed

I have this bad habit of running away.
I’d rather leave and hurt myself
than be left behind and end up getting hurt.
I’d rather have pain self-inflicted
than let others rub it on me.

But I also enjoy the pain
so I prolong the agony.
I let myself bleed
while letting someone else put salt to my wounds
so I can feel so much more.

I like suffering,
the idea of being hurt.
I like to run away
but also the idea of the chase
and I can't just choose one.

I would love to save myself
from the possibility of being broken
now that I just put all my pieces back
but as much as I would love to run away from,
I can't keep myself from running back to you

or I have been drinking

and I’m not thinking straight.
It's probably the alcohol talking
and come morning, I’m sorry,

I won't be loving you the same.

© 2019 Gabriela Veronica