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Hey Mister, Your Lincoln Is Stinkin'

I’ve enjoyed writing for many years. I'm dedicating more time to the craft in my retirement days.

Hey Mister
Your Lincoln
Is stinkin’
Smells like gas
Out your
Back end
And your front end is dented
Is that car rented?
You don’t drive it
Like it's yours
More like you stole it
It looks wrecked
All to heck
And it seems like you’re driving
Really close to the curb
So I can’t be
On the right side
Of the road
Which is my right
On the bike
And I’m not obnoxious about it
Like some guys I know
Who take the lane
Just because
The law says they can
Even when they shouldn’t
Because it’s not prudent
I once had a guy
After a big bike buy
Tell me to ride it
Like I stole it
So I did
And it was fast
Like new tennis shoes
When you’re a kid
You think you can run faster
Then you do
Because Mom got you Keds
Or Winners or the Winners II
Because she couldn’t afford All-Stars

But Winners were made by Converse, too
A decent shoe
Just not the best
Sold at JC’s place
Penney’s, you know
Or was it Sears?
It’s been years
But probably the latter
Like it matters
But Mom had credit cards for both
And what did matter
Was they were ‘Cons
They were good enough
Which was important in 7th grade
And 8th grade, too
Because what they would do
Your buddies in Montgomery
They would call your shoes “Buddies”
The word was a poison jab
Into an adolescent heart
And your buddies were ruthless, too
Relentless
If your shoes
Weren’t good enough
Weren’t Converse
Were buddies
See, you know
'Cuz your pants were flooding one day
And you went home crying
Felt like dying
For the fun they made of you
And your mom cried, too
Or at least mine did
She was like that, you know
Her emotions would go
Where mine went
Like a sympathetic cough
Or a yawn

I once read if you yawn
And the person you’re with doesn’t
They’re a psychopath
No empathy
You see
But it turns out to be
Something different
More like, Do I know ya?
‘Cuz if I know ya
I might show ya
That I feel ya
When you oscitate
Ain’t that great?
To know you’re not a psychopath
At least not
By one person’s definition?
You’re not
A really long shot
If you are
And anyway
We’ve gone a long way
From when I started to say
Your car
That Lincoln
Is stinkin’
Smells like gas
Coming out of your
Tail pipe
The air is ripe
With the fumes of
Octane
I can’t grade it
85 or 87
Or maybe it’s premium
I’m pretty sure it’s unleaded
Not by my nose
But because the dreaded
The leaded
Poisoned the air
For far too long
It was wrong

And we righted that ship
Set sail another way
So today
We only use gas that doesn’t have
Plumbum
Or Pb
As it be
We use the other stuff
And the ozone
Pays the price
Instead of
Our own eyes
And lungs
And nostrils
And nose hairs
I’m not scared
Maybe concerned
I believe
The change is real
Check the records
It’s warmer
And it’s changed
Rearranged
Might sound strange
It’s called warming
But some storming
Is in winter
And it’s colder
So the denier
Can fan the fire
And hide the real desire
To keep John D.’s
Companies
And their descendants
Ascendant
On the market
Put their money there
And park it
Those companies will stay
For many a day
And anyway
Might as well get
Something from the bad
My dad
Always wished
He’d bought Winnebago
During the oil embargo
Back in ‘73
He said one day there’d be
A Winnie
That was mini
And efficient with the petrol
It was a goal
Many vehicle makers had, anyway
Then one day
The prices went down again
And then
The 40 MPG Subaru
Was not the road’s guru
Instead
The real puzzler
Was that the guzzlers
Grew even more popular
And then came to be
Even bigger
An SUV
With so many cylinders
Not six
Not four
Twice more
Than four
At eight
The power was great
The MPG would devastate
If oil prices increased
Which they did
When I was a kid
And an adult
But then
They dropped again
And John D’s
Companies
Or the ones that came from Standard
Became the standard
With names like BP
Which stands for “butt picker”
My wife used to say
When she would play
With our daughter
And call her one
Just for fun
Still a stock to keep eyes on
Despite Deepwater Horizon

And the kill of marine life
And the pain and strife
Caused for folks
On the coast
Who saw things die
With their own eyes
Almost like a disease
And just like Exxon Valdez

But things happen
When man moves ahead
But instead
Of saying
We shouldn’t develop
And grow and innovate
Leave ourselves prostrate
We should say
Let’s be thoughtful
As we do
Because move forward we must
That’s the way it is
They were here first
But we are here, too
So the right thing to do
Is coexist
Not raise a fist
And say
No way
No how
Because there is a way
Especially now
As intelligent as we are
We can make cars
That don’t use gas
And smell like
Behind parts
The science
Can drive compliance
If we choose
And decide whose
Side we are on
It should be the side of everyone
And everything
Mother Earth
Every creature
Every being
Including those who live
But don’t care about money
And those who do
Like me and you
Who need it
To live
Including the critters
Who’ve seen us litter
And do other stuff
And survive
Even thrive
But some didn’t make it
They couldn’t take it
Let’s call it a mistake
It’s one we made
Give ourselves
A below-average grade
And do better next time
Let’s sublime
In the archaic sense
Raise our game
Add a different fame
To this strange period in history
Create a millennia-long mystery
Something Yoda might ask
As he’s holding up a mask
I mean, if he was real:
Think of that I wonder how they did
In the era of that crazy Covid
How’d they excel
How’d they do so well
To expel
To get rid of that smell
Of gas
That’s coming from your
Exhaust?
Or actually
It no longer is
Gee whiz
Ain’t that grand?
Grand it sure is
With us The Force is
Old Yoda could verbalize
And then roll his big eyes
And twitch his long ears
Intervened by too many
Have the years
Know we will not
How it is they got
To this wonderful spot
Where we all thrive
Are alive
Because they considered us
Without even knowing us
One day
Way back when
Amen
Eh, Mister?

© 2020 greg cain

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