I am an Indonesian poet. Familiar is called Isykariman, known through his poems that use the figure of speech and romantic words.
I will give it to you that my mother is unable to provide
I will give it to you that he took from me
I'll tell you what my father doesn't know
I revealed what he was trying to cover up
I will let you do what they forbid from me
Saying what they don't want me to say
In the name of love and protection
Soak in pain and helplessness
Preserved customs and traditions
You learn what life is
Beauty, cruelty, purity, and reality
You explore the majestic universe
Touch the moon that swings above the waves at the starry night
Dive into a fjord while passing through the jewel caves
Watch the birds run with turtles and forest people
Admire the beauty of the Tehuacan hill
Fly, free yourself, don't be afraid
Nature is your sister,
Buy water, look at the sky
Embrace the earth, let the spirit burn fiery
Love your body and heart
Listen to instinct, don't doubt intuition
Open the box, my Pandora
Enter the room that the Blue Beard is locked
You have nothing to fear but naivete
You are a female wolf, Hypatia, warrior, general Mulan
You are women
Show your wildest femininity
Even for that, forgive your mother
Insert one and eject the other
He with whom I can weave you in my womb
He can be your brother and predecessor
Forgive my absence from some summer dusk
To be happy before pampering you
To remain a woman after becoming a mother
First accept my death, my daughters
Let this older woman close her eyes
Before you become Vasalisa
I wrote the above prose for my two daughters. But I think it can apply to every woman. This prose was inspired by the book Women who run with the wolves: Myths and stories of the wild women archetype (1992) by Clarissa Pinkola Estés, psychoanalyst Jungian.
The word "wild" connotes negative, as if uncontrollable though wild has a positive meaning: freedom and courage. For a long time, the patriarchal culture tried to tame women. Women live in fear to act and make decisions.
Fear and Naivete
Women tend to like the safe zone. An example that I often find is that women choose to stay with their husbands who regularly beat and insult them or who have betrayed them many times.
The real reason, if we dig deeper, is fear: fear if the husband acts more rudely if he leaves, afraid to defame the right name of the family, fear (and shame) of the parents' judgment because previously he was determined to marry the man, afraid not able to be economically independent, fearful that children will later blame their decisions, and so on.
Why are so many women "trapped" in relationships with married men? Why did they fall for the illusion and naivety of love? We rarely hear of men who have relationships with married women. Even though there certainly is, this relationship does not have the same naive characteristics.
Without us knowing, our culture shapes women to be naive. Naivete and innocence seemed to complement women's beauty. Women who blush when tempted will be more attractive than women who dare to look back at the man. Women who are still unfamiliar with the techniques of making love will touch the hearts of couples more than those who are experienced.
Naive women concerning men are seen as "good" women. We know how important it is to be a "good" woman in a patriarchal society through naivety is what makes women vulnerable to becoming victims and challenging to escape from the victim's position.
Naive women believe that married men will divorce their wives, that abusive husbands will turn into angels, that husbands who are caught repeatedly cheating still love themselves. Naive women tend to choose the wrong partner and then stick with this partner.
Estés described the naivete of women through the story of the Blue Beard. He reinterpreted this tale. If women are intelligent, critical, ask lots of questions (and are not naive) often considered frightening, Estés wants to celebrate women's curiosity.
Mother and Femininity
This book also reminds me of women who tend to be trapped in their roles as mothers. As if a woman has become a mother, she no longer has the right to her femininity as a woman. How many mothers no longer think about themselves because they focus on children?
Of course, I'm not asking mothers not to care about their children. As mothers, I understand we want to give the best for our children and are willing to sacrifice anything for them. What I want to convey is that mothers should also not forget themselves as women and individuals.
How much stressed mothers but feel free to say because mothers are required not to be noted because women should be happy to have become mothers. Anyone who has ever looked after a child (just a few hours) understands that a child is not always funny and fun.
A mother seems to have no right to have her pleasure other than babysitting (which is not always that cute). Even though the child also does not need a mother who carries out her "motherly tasks" perfectly. Children need happy mothers.
To be a happy mother, a mother has the right and needs to do other things that can make her happy. So mothers should not feel guilty if they leave their children for a moment to do personal activities that can refresh them
Become Free to Liberate
How many restrictions and rules does society apply to women? Women can't do this, can't do that; you have to do this, you have to do that. Even sadder, fellow women are crueler when judging women.
Women who give birth naturally and breastfeed their babies consider themselves to have performed their roles flawlessly as mothers and feel entitled to criticize women who undergo cesarean section or do not breastfeed for one reason or another. This is just one example, which is still happening even in French society.
Women should not do things based only on the judgment of others (the community). As women, we need to free ourselves from these judgments. If we become free women, we can free other women.
Estés uses the tale of Vasalisa, the girl who first gave up her mother's death before entering the process of becoming an adult woman who relied on her intuition. (Mother is a symbol of norms/rules regarding what is good/bad to do / not do, assessors whether the children do good or not).
This is my interpretation of Estés's work. He did not specifically mention the cases mentioned above. In his book, he wants to revive the archetypes of wild women who already exist in every woman.
In every woman, rest assured there is extraordinary power filled with instinct, creativity, passion, and wisdom.
Woman, be wild.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2019 Isykariman Biridlwanillah