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When Fear Takes Over!!

Sujata is not a poet. But she uses the form of poetry to write what she feels. She writes raw poetry, out of emotions that could touch you!

At Broken Beach, Bali

At Broken Beach, Bali

When fear takes over!

When the caterpillars just turn into butterflies and are just fluttering to fly out

But all you can do is hold them in

Because you want to hold them in

Because you think letting them out will kill what you feel

Or take away what you have.

But do you really have it?

Or is it just your imagination?

Are you too scared to lose that you do not have?

Or is it your mind playing a game?

Are they on your side?

Now? Anymore?

Or were they never on your side?


They seemed all good.

They showed they were with you.

But did I read it all wrong?

Or am I reading it all wrong now?

Are they still on your side?


What is it that’s hurting so bad?

That’s causing physical pain.

What is it that’s so close that seems to be slipping away?

Is it the overthinker playing a role again?

Or is it something that needs to be dug deeper?


When fear takes over!


Fighting it hard enough,

Day in and day out.

From waking up to sleeping in.

What is it that’s tightening up the core,

And seems to be killing from inside.


When fear takes over!


Frustration?

Anger?

Lose?

Is it fear?

When fear takes over!


Or is it all the built-up expectations?

They said, ‘Do not expect, it hurts’.

But why does it always have to hurt?

Where are the times when “words were meant to be kept”?

Where are the times when “trust would exist”?

Where are the times when “I will be there meant I will be there”?


Or is it still there?

And its me who is the issue?

When fear takes over!


Cry in the shower!

Tears at night!

Tears under the dark sky

And making overthinking a pattern.

And waking up next day,

With the widest of smiles

To make it through the day.

To make it through,

Not letting any of yours, feel what you feel!

Am I the only one thinking it?

When fear takes over!


So hard to put up.

So hard to put up with a smile,

When the storm is killing you.

So hard to put up with a smile,

When you are just not yourself.

When fear takes over!


So easy to run away, now.

But,

Can I stick around this time?

Can I see how I fight?

Or, rather,

Can I test my strength this time around?


But for how long?

Is this a phase?

Will it pass?

Or, fear will always take over?


So much time spent strengthening myself.

So much time spent building myself.

And, then when it starts falling apart,

Again,

It all comes down to,

All my inside pulling me in even more,

That hurts,

Like,

Being poked by an iron rod.


Is it just fear?

Is it just over expectations?

Or is it more than that?


Or is it my mind playing the trick again?


When fear takes over!


How much more hurt?

How much more pain?


I know there is a bigger plan

And that is a better one!

I know the picture is larger

And it is a prettier one!


But can the hurt be any lesser?

Can the mind be any better?

Now?


The churning!

Ah, it hurts!

Even now!

Even when I know,

Its all in my mind!


Or is it?


And then you fall!

Fall hard enough.

Fall hard enough to break it all.

Break into tiny pieces,

To kill you inside!


Can we get it back together?

Or we fear to break it again?


When fear takes it all over!

And kills it all over again!


What do you do?


Let’s take a deep breathe,

And let it sink in!

Let it sink in enough,

Enough to kill you a little more!


And then, can we come back up?

Come back up to face the world again?

The cruel, tough and yet the warmest and the kindest world!

Where all the magic happens!

And face our fears again?

Because,

Fear will again take over!


But

Can we not run away?

And can we not hide away?

This time,

Can we face the world again?

Again,

Can we be strong enough,

To let them hurt again?

Because,

Fear will take over again!

© 2021 Sujata Hazarika

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