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We Regret to Inform You: A Letter from Management (Response to Brenda Arledge Prompt)


I’ve enjoyed writing for many years. I'm dedicating more time to the craft in my retirement days.

Dear Ma’am/Sir:

We regret to inform you

You have not been selected

Or phrased differently, I guess

You have just been rejected

But we might regret using

Such strong, forceful language

So this note is the jelly

On a big old shit sandwich

Do we really regret it?

You probably want to ask

Are our true motivations

Hidden behind some dark mask?

We regret to inform you

That that truth must stay hidden

For us to talk about it

Is just strictly forbidden

‘Cuz we might regret saying

That hidden truth out loud, too

So we use misdirection

To lessen impact on you

Do you think our regret’s real

Can you click on the link please?

To give to us some feedback

And win a free Tastee Freez!

We regret to inform you

There’s no real nice way to say

You’re not really up to par

We can’t hire you, no way!

But if we said it as such

As if we had no regret

The deleterious ends

Might be the very worst yet

So let’s not speak of regrets

Let’s not converse on remorse

Let’s move past the shit sandwich

And on to a second course

Or opinion as they say

When you go and see a doc

Another set of thoughts on

What is making your world rock

So here in addition, then

I regret to inform you

You’re not only rejected

You are quite homely, too


The Management

Regret by New Order

© 2021 greg cain


greg cain (author) from Moscow, Idaho, USA on July 12, 2021:

Femi - yes, I've never had one, either, and never wrote one quite like it. Hope you never have to write one like that to yourself! ;)

greg cain (author) from Moscow, Idaho, USA on July 12, 2021:

Thanks, Liliane! I enjoyed writing it! ;)

Liliane Najm from Toronto, Canada on July 08, 2021:

I enjoyed reading your letter :)

femi from Nigeria on July 08, 2021:

Never had such a letter always worked for myself 95% of the time

greg cain (author) from Moscow, Idaho, USA on July 08, 2021:

Fran - yikes! Wouldn't be much fun to get that letter at all, now would it? Thankfully, it's pretty much all fiction after the "We regret to inform you..." part. I think I've probably gotten one or two of those over the years...

fran rooks from Toledo, Ohio on July 07, 2021:

Greg, thank goodness I never got one of those letters. Scary but your article is right on. Thank you.

greg cain (author) from Moscow, Idaho, USA on July 07, 2021:

Misbah - thanks, my friend. It was a fun one to put together this morning. Blessings right back at you; hope all is very well in your neck of the woods.

Misbah Sheikh from The World of Poets on July 07, 2021:

What a creativity! Greg, you have truly impressed me. There could be no more amusing response to the word regret than this one. Excellent response to Brenda's prompt challenge.

Blessings always!

greg cain (author) from Moscow, Idaho, USA on July 07, 2021:

Peggy - oh, boy, me, too! It was definitely more fun writing it than it would have been to receive it…

Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on July 07, 2021:

Wow! That is one regret letter I never hope to receive. Ha!

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