Self-deprecation: because the world really doesn't need any more unbridled egos...

When I see you in the morning light

Eyes half open, hair looks a fright

Like you’ve not had it done for months

When I smell you in the morning

Breath like a covered coffee can

Of old cooking oil, just opened

I wonder what others see

What others might think

If they too can whiff that stink

If it’s your plan

That folks keep their distance

Then look away now

Ignore my insistence

But if it’s the plan

To get normal some day

Listen please listen

To what I must say

Here’s an admonishment

Here’s looking at you, kid

Clean your teeth post-nourishment

Cut and comb that damn lid

Invest in some mouthwash

Brush and floss twice each day

Shower in the morning

Rinse malodor away

If you do your part

I will do mine

To put the old grease can

Out with the rubbish

I will also make gone

This looking glass

I can't keep facing

The same chat every day

Comments

greg cain (author) from Moscow, Idaho, USA on June 14, 2020:

Thanks, Jason. I enjoyed putting it together with a slight chuckle along the way.

greg cain (author) from Moscow, Idaho, USA on June 14, 2020:

Hi Louise - thank you for the kind comment. Thanks also for stopping by.

greg cain (author) from Moscow, Idaho, USA on June 14, 2020:

Thanks, William! Much appreciated.

Jason Nicolosi from AZ on June 13, 2020:

Haha cool poem Greg. I really enjoyrd it. Fun read. Nice job.

Louise Powles from Norfolk, England on June 13, 2020:

That's a lovely and well-written poem, Greg. I enjoyed reading it.

William Kovacic from Pleasant Gap, PA on May 31, 2020:

Nicely done, Greg!

greg cain (author) from Moscow, Idaho, USA on May 29, 2020:

Thanks, Brenda. And thanks also for the follow. I have it in my schedule today to heed advice administered in this here article.

Happy Friday!

greg cain (author) from Moscow, Idaho, USA on May 29, 2020:

Chris - haha! Right! In truth, I think if one wants to survive, one should talk only to oneself in this voice. It is not a voice for talking to spouse or stranger, unless life or limb you're willing to risk.

greg cain (author) from Moscow, Idaho, USA on May 29, 2020:

Sha - yes, indeed! I have 'em and use 'em. My favorite is a wide-brimmed Aussie hat, but I also have many bandanas that work, too. Also, now I'm trying to color coordinate when I wear my mask made of Marvel Comics material to Walmart.

BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on May 28, 2020:

Mirror, mirror on the wall...yes, I think we all look into it and wonder what others must think.

But yours seems to talk to you...guess you should heed it's advice before it gets angry.

Cute one.

Chris Mills from Traverse City, MI on May 28, 2020:

I kept thinking, how does this person know so much about me? Then I realized you were talking to yourself, and I was relieved. But I may follow a few of your suggestions. Good, funny poem.

Shauna L Bowling from Central Florida on May 28, 2020:

That's what hats are for, Greg! Or bandannas.

greg cain (author) from Moscow, Idaho, USA on May 28, 2020:

Thanks, Shauna! Yes, indeed, far too mean to say to anyone but thine own self. Still holding off on that haircut for now. I haven’t had hair this long since I was in high school. Sadly, though, it’s not covering the bald spot up top.

Shauna L Bowling from Central Florida on May 27, 2020:

You got me, Greg! I was wondering who on earth you'd be talking to in such a condescending and hurtful manner.

I felt a sigh of relief coated with a giggle by the time I got to the end.

Very clever!

greg cain (author) from Moscow, Idaho, USA on May 25, 2020:

Right...I'd say this definitely could have only been said to myself, particularly in such direct fashion! Thanks for the words and thanks for stopping on by...

DreamerMeg from Northern Ireland on May 25, 2020:

Well, if you said it to a loved one, it might seem a bit harsh, even though relationships need some sense of surprise and interaction to keep going. If you said it to yourself, then it's still harsh, we need to be kind to ourselves in these days of lockdown, which is not to say that we shouldn't try to leep up our personal admin and keep ourselves fresh and ready for life. Good poem and good analogies.

greg cain (author) from Moscow, Idaho, USA on May 25, 2020:

Yes, Rinita. Keeping things light is good some days.

greg cain (author) from Moscow, Idaho, USA on May 25, 2020:

Bill - that's a great technique. Might give that a shot instead of stopping to have that chat...

greg cain (author) from Moscow, Idaho, USA on May 25, 2020:

Danke, John. My hair is still growing, and I think as long as my wife doesn't object (she says she likes it right now) I'll keep on letting it grow...

Rinita Sen on May 25, 2020:

Deep rooted sarsasm on oneself, this. A chat with oneself is a must some days. Most of us are too self involved to even notice that we might stink. You say the truest things in a light style. Love it.

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on May 25, 2020:

Love it! I don't even look in the mirror anymore. I just wave as I walk by. lol

John Hansen from Queensland Australia on May 25, 2020:

Funny but true, Greg. I confronted some crazy mad scientist in the mirror this morning. Fixed that by giving myself a haircut. Cool poem.

greg cain (author) from Moscow, Idaho, USA on May 25, 2020:

Eric - yes, ain't it so? I have the same set of circumstances, so plenty of time to visit with myself and prepare.

Eric Dierker from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A. on May 25, 2020:

I love artistic comedic reality. I am so lucky that I get up early and family gets up late. Otherwise first thing in the morning could get ugly.

greg cain (author) from Moscow, Idaho, USA on May 25, 2020:

Thanks, Ann. Inspired by the Albert Einstein 'do that greeted me this AM...

Ann Carr from SW England on May 25, 2020:

Ha ha! Brilliant! I do think some are letting themselves go when they don't go out or don't have visitors, due to these strange times. I'm trying to keep the normal hygiene routines though!

Good to keep us smiling! Well done!

Ann