Walled In Personal and Public Identities

Heather has a Bachelor's Degree in English from Moravian College and has been freelance writing for more than 12 years.

Wondered if it was normal to go through such turmoil

After a major break-up or the end of any relationship

Starting to develop a sense of an isolated emotional well being

Haven given the perception that things are normal

And on the up and up when everything was anything but

Wondered when this version of a semi new normal

Would come into crystal clear effect and be positively cemented

Tired of moving one step forward and three steps backward

Fed up with feeling like some self conceived failure

For not checking off the right certain boxes and fitting expectations

Will never be Ms. Mary Sunshine; not ingrained in the DNA

Always had a little shade of grey mixed in the landscape

Blended just below the surface and ready to be unleashed

On a moment's notice at the most random of times

Ready to turn on some Dua Lipa or some classic rock to jam to

Sounded like a strange variety of musical choices

Explained a lot of the personality conflict that lied beneath

Ready to learn how to accept one foot in the present and one in the past

When it comes to musical and movie preferences only

Living life locked in past memories, choices and mistakes

A distant memory that gets further and further away

With each passing day that goes by

Learning to forget the former companion that used to come by

Darkened the halls of my private abode and bedroom

Who used to sleep beside me and pretended to be present

Always had one foot out the door when it came to the future

Never had a plan or any form of reliability to speak of

Looking to move forward into a much brighter and clearer light

With, or without, a partner to sleep next to

Unsure if willing to open up the heart to make room for someone else

Burned too many times before when it came to trust

Honesty a good policy and a double edged sword at same time

Praised for being truthful and scorned for having no filter

Educating privately on how to be democratically forthright

Without sacrificing individuality in the process

Ready to finally enter a true and meaningful adult relationship

Thought the last one was the one, but it was just a good start

A sneak preview of the main event

Let's hope the coming attractions will lead to bigger and grander things

Fingers crossed that it will happen sooner rather than later.

Comments

BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on May 18, 2020:

Fingers crossed...hoping the main event arrives soon.

Your writing expresses these sentiments quite well.

It is so difficult to put one foot forward when the other one is stepping in the past. But this is the reality of how one feels.

Good write.