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Wait on Fate

wait-for-fate

I think I already found love, not that I really understand what love is but I found it.
Didn't realize it before, but I think I was so lost to even see it or feel it, it just consumed me whole and dumbed me as if trying to keep it a secret.
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I still think of my first crush, I still have those dreams of the we that I had so well planned and the life we would have. Still get goosebumps just thinking about it. Maybe someday I can come clean about it all...
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I have an ex I still wish we were together. But I really messed up and she deserved better I don't blame her, but if she was to call am pretty sure I'd hop like a kangaroo back to her.
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I have a friend who I dearly wish would be more than just a friend. And as a matter of fact, we a have a pact that of we both single at thirty, we will at least try and see if we are a good match and only lord knows if I had a time machine, I'd be turning thirty tomorrow.
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.. I know I found love, it just doesn't find me and when it does I think I go blind momentarily. sure, love must totally be blind!.
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i don't know if am looking for love anymore.. am not sure I wanna feel this silly again, so vulnerable and stupid and open... I think I'll wait it out see if dreams can come true with my first crush, or just wait see if my ex misses me too or just wait a few more years for my friend to turn thirty...
I found love and am just realizing it now, and the sad part is I am responsible for how it all ends..

© 2022 Amani Utembu

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