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When Did I Lose You


When did i lose you? Was it when I watched our favorite show without you.. Or the many times I dozed off without saying good night and that I love you?

Or was it when I completely forgot to show up on time for our date because of football? I hadn't forgotten, I just lost track of time and when I eventually got there you were already pissed and I couldn't say anything because I'd only be making it worse for me.
Or is it the music that I tend to pay more attention to that I did you . I know this already sounds like an excuse, but I get carried away, and I wish there was a button I'd flip to just bounce back when its you I should have been listening to ..
Am always trying to figure out how to say sorry and be sorry enough, but sorry is just a sorry word.

Or was it the many times I hugged you and never whispered anything to make you hug me tighter.. .
Or was it the many times I bluntly admitted to not believe in fairytales although I knew you did...
Or was it the many times I said I wasn't good enough for you ..
When did I lose you?
... Was it when you said you loved me and that scared the hell out me.. It didn't get me by suprise, I thought I was ready but my demons were there to remind me that I don't seem to have major luck at love and that you we're too good for me... And the fact I never said I loved you back?

When did I lose you,
Was it when I finally said I love you and you were no longer sure if it came from deep inside me or I was forcing myself to finally say it... Or did you eventually notice that I couldn't be fixed....

© 2021 Amani Utembu

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