Velocipede Verses #3: 'Burbing Woes
The rules of 'burbing are simple: ride every road in a suburb in a single bike ride. If you add the challenge of "without a map," though, even with those simple rules it can be a difficult task. And then there's the question no one wants to ask or answer:
Um..what happens if you miss a street?
Paddington Burbing
'Burbing is a Thing
I think there are probably a lot of riders, like me, who've been 'burbing or doing what amounts to a subset of 'burbing for quite some time. The times have brought out even more 'burbers because the nature of the beast is a relatively long ride that keeps you relatively close to home.
A friend recently shared this article with me and asked if I thought he and I could do it in our small town of Moscow, Idaho in a single day.
We've both looked at it in some detail and I think our agreed-upon assessment is that such a ride is doable, it'd be probably close to 100 miles long (give or take, and depending on how 'efficient' we are, and also depending on how we ultimately define the boundaries) and someday in future we are definitely going to do it.
After reading de Neef's article, "Riding 85 km within 2 km of home: Every street in my suburb without a map," I decided I'd take a page from his training plan and do some practice runs--recce runs as he calls them--in order to better prepare for the big enchilada my buddy and I will do one day. To date I've done two of these "route study" rides.
The first of these was pretty uneventful, took me about an hour to complete, was just a little something I added to my daily ride one day. Thing is, at that point I'd missed while reading de Neef's article the part where he says "no maps allowed."
So when I practiced that first go 'round, I used my Garmin gps in street map mode and I could see where I'd missed a backstreet, side road or alley, and then I backtracked, filled it in and kept on going. That actually saved me from 'gapping' on more than one occasion on that first training ride.
For route study ride #2, which this poem is about, I invested two hours of my life and rode a different, and still relatively small section of Moscow, Idaho. I didn't use a map, and when I finished the route I was anxious to get home and check out the map of my success!
Alas...
And so that's the story of how this poem, #3 in the Velocipede Verses series, was born.
Hope you enjoy it.
'Burbing Woes
I am indignant
Is what I will say
It’s over a map
That ruined my day
I rode and I rode
My bike all around
‘Burbing they call it
It’s mapping your town
The “rules” of ‘burbing
They do not allow
The use of a map
While riding no how
That is the challenge
You ride in the blind
Your only ref’rence
Your keenness of mind
You ride your bike through
All streets on the map
You are so careful
You leave not a gap
It’s like your front teeth
Unnoticed when there
But when one’s missing
All eyes tend to stare
So I rode and rode
Just like I have said
Remembered all streets
Up there in my head
Meticulous work
Stopping and going
On straights you go fast
In turns you’re slowing
You zag your way here
You zig your way there
You cover all ground
With utmost of care
Each nook each cranny
Your wheels they must touch
Even back alleys
Though we have nonesuch
What made matters worse
On this given day?
It just kept raining
It rained the whole way!
So ‘magine sir, please
Imagine ma’am too
How you two might feel
If happened to you
What happened to me
On op’ning my app
The route was right there
In red on the map
But also there too
So easy to see
A plain old white line
Where red line should be
I could not believe
That I missed East 5th
It couldn’t be true
So angry! So miffed!
So then I zoomed in
With dif’rent map style
Adjusted my gaze
Blinked, stared for a while
And what do you think
My eyes found right there?
A thing so, so wrong
It caused me despair
I looked at it once
I looked at it twice
I spun my chair ‘round
Then looked at it thrice
I zoomed in some more
Further and further
I thought I just might
Scream bloody murther
What thing made me mad?
What thing was revealed?
I now can say calm
What then I just pealed
That thing in white there
A street it is not!!
You are so confused
It’s a parking lot!!
E. 5th St. looks like a parking lot to me. Especially up close and in person. I rode right by it more than once, didn't know it was going to ruin my 'burbing.
Click thumbnail to view full-size
I am indignant
I’ll say it again
And prob’ly will say
‘Til I don’t know when
I’m mad here you know?
I’m frustrated, too!
Do mapmakers think
I’ve naught else to do?
Than ride all around
Repeat performance?
Won’t give it to them
Won’t give conformance
Won’t do it I say
Won’t do it at all
I’m going to fight
I’ll call City Hall!
There must be someone
To whom I can speak
I’ll make a huge ruckus
Some havoc I’ll wreak
Get satisfaction
By golly I will
This thing cannot stand!
I will not sit still!
I’ll complain I’ll whine
I’ll start a protest
I’ll call this thing names
It’s a hoax! Ah yes!
That’s the right thinking
This ain’t my damn fault
I’ll sue someone else
Full frontal assault
Divert attention
Will be my new game
No mistakes made here
I can’t be to blame
My ride was perfect
That’s all I can say
I was just bequeathed
The map in this way
I’m glad that’s settled
I’m content for now
No error from me
No way, no damn how
It’s a deal, you know
And a big one, too
‘Burbers are ruthless
They’ll throw barbs at you
If you miss one street
Street-misser for life
It’ll cause you pain
It’ll cause you strife
Nanny nanny boo
Is what you might hear
You’ve gapped it, my friend
Is a fav’rite jeer
Perfection attained
Perfection achieved
Will keep shame away
You will not be grieved
Which suddenly brings
To mind this one thought
My stance on this thing
Too crazy, too fraught?
Perhaps I could ride
The whole route again
Not raining today
Though there is that wind
But two hours it took
To ride that whole ride
Redo it again?
Should I just abide?
A man of honor
I am I will say
And do it again
Is the only way
I’ll sleep well at night
Content in knowing
I did the right thing
Can then start crowing
About this cool ride
One day that I took
I covered the town
Each cranny each nook
Still, I’m indignant
I’m just so damn mad
Or is it not that
And really I’m sad?
Or maybe it’s both
Some anger, some glum
Came so very close
To being so dumb
Was right on the verge
Of changing the truth
But I think it’s plain
It takes not a sleuth
A ride I will do
Of that be assured
And I’ve just re’lized
What made me be cured
The one here to please?
The would-be jeerer?
'TIs the rider himself
The man in the mirror
Man in the Mirror
© 2020 greg cain
Comments
I’ve never heard of burbing but appreciate the education and clever poem. You rose to the challenge with both burbing and the poetry.
- AUTHOR
Thanks, William. It's definitely not for everyone, that's for sure. Thanks for stopping by!
I enjoyed the education and the fun poem, Greg. Thanks for sharing. Would I consider it? If I could I would, but I can't so won't. It still sounds like fun though!
- AUTHOR
Thank you, Linda. I think the term itself is newer than the concept, but as you probably gathered, burbing is becoming more of a thing because of the interesting times we live in. I'm glad you stopped by, and glad you enjoyed the poem. Have a great evening!
I've never heard of 'burbing before. I appreciate the education! Your poem is very entertaining.
- AUTHOR
Thanks, DreamerMeg. Yes, it was supposed to be a bit Seussy, a bit sassy, just a little bit of fun with some rhyming runs. Walking on an adventure of similar type...now that would be an adventure. On these types of rides it's important to bring food, snacks, water. Might hold true for an extended stroll through the neighborhood(s), too. Be well, and thanks much for taking a read!
Great poem, the style reminds me of Dr Seuss. I had never heard of burbing before but a great bit of exercise for lockdown where you are not supposed to travel far from home! Riding 85 km within 2km of homeis the perfect way to get good exercise without breaking the rules. I must remember that and maybe apply it to walking, as I no longer have a bike.
- AUTHOR
Thanks, John. I have put it out there now, so I guess I'm going to have to get 'er done one of these first days. If I do, when I do, I'll post some results right here. Thanks for stopping by today, John!
Greg, you just introduced me to a new term “burning” too. I like it though. Years ago, when I used to cycle to work in a city called Rockhampton I used to take a different route every day so that may eventually covered most streets in one Suburb.
Now I do a similar thing walking the dog. We take a different route each day so have explored streets I had never been up before. You have done all in one trip though on your bike. I hope you and your friend do succeed in “burbing ” the whole town of Moscow. Good luck.
- AUTHOR
Bill - Thanks for dropping by to check it out. Don't know if you caught the hat tip to your recently altered facial feature or not, but just to be clear: there was inspiration due to that modification.
I believe the challenge will be a blast once we decide when we're going to do it, how much of Moscow we'll do. I agree with you that Olympia would be a huge challenged, but even sections of it would be worth the effort.
And as you said, it is a great event for an introvert who doesn't mind spending long monotonous hours with herself/himself.
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If I rode a bike, and if I wasn't seventy-one years old, I would do this. It strikes me as one of those quirky challenges I would really enjoy. Of course it would take a lifetime to do Olympia but still, it's kind of a cool challenge for an introvert like me.
- AUTHOR
Hi Liz - Thanks for the great compliment, it is much appreciated. The term burbing was new to me, too, though the concept of it was one I'd hit upon before, as I said. When you ride the same routes day after day, you start to dream up new milestones to chase, new things to do, new ways of looking at the same old things. So that someone came up with a label for something many others were doing, codified it into existence as a thing, was a pleasant find for me. There is also such thing as Everesting, too, which I've yet to attempt, but it is like the name implies: a rider climbs the equivalent of Mt. Everest elevation in one contiguous ride. It is quite a feat if one can pull it off. I'd imagine lots of fueling would have to be done along the way. Perhaps for me, that is a good reason to attempt it one day. I love to eat! It is why I learned to cook, and is why I ride as much as I can these days...the more I go, the more fuel I need.
- AUTHOR
It's beautiful stuff, Shauna. The wind's blowing like you read about here today, so we are not getting benefit from it like we normally do...
I hadn't come across burbing before. Now I am much the wiser and hugely entertained by your amusing poem.
It does smell wonderful. I've got star jasmine growing all along the fence on one side of my house.
- AUTHOR
Thanks, Shauna! You know, I wouldn’t have known if you hadn’t asked, but yes I believe it is exactly that, a star jasmine. It’s at the end of the culdesac on my street and is always beautiful this time of year. I was concentrating so hard on doing this route right that I forgot to stop and take my daily picture enroute. So, right before I hung up the bike for the day, I stopped and took this photo in front of that tremendous bush. Thanks for letting me know what it is, too! Happy Thursday!
Love the poem, Greg! You actually rode two hours in the rain? You really are a die-hard!
In all honesty, East 5th does look like a parking lot. I can see how you missed it. There's always next time, right?
In the last photo, is that star jasmine that your bike is perched against?
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