Velocipede Verses #12: Bike For Sale

I'm an avid cyclist who has ridden 30,000+ miles over the past seven years. I enjoy sharing the little I know with interested others.

Bike For Sale

I saw the ad in the classifieds

It made me laugh out loud, poor guy

Bike for sale, never ridden

I guess

Do whatever the frak you want

Doesn’t mean what I thought it meant

It said

I remember frak

From Battlestar Galactica

With Boomer, Number Eight, my favorite

And Number Six

I liked her, too

And Apollo and Starbuck

I loved BSG

It really was for me

He must have been a fan, as well

Anyway

I saw the picture, brand new bike

It made me want to buy

Carbon frame and matching wheels

It had

Everything on it I wanted

Discounted now from new

Because

It weren’t

I phoned the fellow

Asked for the deets

My hopes up high

Like Dubai’s Burj Khalifa

Scraping ozone

Picking the nose of Zeus with that spire

At two-thousand-seven-hundred-sixteen feet

That’s high

About the bike, I started

It’s gone, he finished

The deal was so good my neighbor

Bought it the moment he heard the news

Alas,

The quest for N+1 gets thwarted

For now, anyhow

And then

I dreamt that night

About brand new bikes

It made me wake and sigh

Electronic shifters are what I want

And hydraulic disc brakes would also be nice

For the many number of hills

We have

So, I saw today a similar ad

In the classifieds

It really grabbed my eye

Bike up for sale

Good price

Ridden once

Maybe twice if you count the ride home

But now

Will never be ridden again

At least by

This guy

Because I

Got my ass kicked by

My bride

I’m now getting dressed

To walk across town

I wish I could fly

To buy that bike

And then ride it home

Shook my wife as she was sleeping

And shared with her my excitement

And joy

She seemed elated, too

I’m certain she said sounds good, dear

Then breathed deep, rolled over

There was a smile on her face

I replaced the covers

And slipped out of bed

On my way

I would not tell a lie

Though I

Sit here now with pen in hand

To write

An advertisement that will sell

A brand new bike, hardly ridden

Ok, ridden once

But that was home from purchase:

For sale today is a carbon bike

Carbon wheels, too

Hydraulic disc brakes

Electronic shifting

Colorful, cushy handlebar tape

Super nice components

All the way around

Whose time to leave is nigh

Because I

And my bride

Had a failure

To communicate

My bad, I guess

So buyer beware some advice

To heed

Do whatever the frak you want

Really doesn’t mean what you think it means

It’s true

I read it someplace

And now so have you

A few other things to keep in mind

If you think you heard an “Aye”

Best add an ‘n’ at the front

Scratch the ‘e’ at the end, my friend

Then do yourself a favor

And ask the question once again

Then look her in the eye

And listen real hard

Between the lines

You’re probably not going to hear the sound of shiny new chain gliding ever-so-smoothly over a sparkling Dura-Ace derailleur and cassette

Just sayin’…

© 2020 greg cain

Comments

greg cain (author) from Idaho, USA on August 27, 2020:

Flourish - righty right! Haha! They sure can...

FlourishAnyway from USA on August 23, 2020:

Those expensive hobbies can definitely become a topic in relationships.

greg cain (author) from Idaho, USA on August 21, 2020:

Thanks, Umesh. I appreciate your kind comments. Have a great weekend.

Umesh Chandra Bhatt from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India on August 20, 2020:

You have depicted your love and concern for the bikes in this poetry. Excellent.

greg cain (author) from Idaho, USA on August 20, 2020:

Lora - That bike might make it around the world in 180 days! Thanks again for taking the time to read, and also for providing a great comment. Have a good end to your week!

greg cain (author) from Idaho, USA on August 20, 2020:

Liz - yes, I think in our relationship there are even times when one doesn't need to read between the lines or listen at all...nothing is being said, which is saying a mouthful indeed.

greg cain (author) from Idaho, USA on August 20, 2020:

Abby - I've definitely learned that over the years, for sure. Usually the best course is to have two distinct conversations about a topic...though even that risks some feedback: "I thought we already talked about this!?" Haha!

greg cain (author) from Idaho, USA on August 20, 2020:

Sha - haha! Right! I find that often times the bride and I will have a conversation in the AM about a conversation we had in the very, very early AM...one I didn't remember at all. Happened just a few nights ago when her and my son were talking while I was asleep and, apparently, I kept jumping in on their conversation though I wasn't really awake and I certainly wasn't coherent. And so it goes...

greg cain (author) from Idaho, USA on August 20, 2020:

Thanks, Lorna. I'm glad you got a chuckle as this was very tongue-in-cheek. Indeed, my wife has purchased for me a new bike very recently. It is on back order due to the presence of the strange and deadly bug, but it should be coming later this month. I am excited.

greg cain (author) from Idaho, USA on August 20, 2020:

Thanks also to you, Ann. You are always quick and kind with a comment/compliment. Much appreciated. Hope all is well across the pond today.

greg cain (author) from Idaho, USA on August 20, 2020:

Thanks, Sir John. And sorry for the delay. I had to take yesterday off completely, so I didn't get around to all the wonderful comments here. As always, my friend, I appreciate you.

Lora Hollings on August 19, 2020:

What a witty and creative poem, Greg! Just remember not to get your hopes up too high when your partner is asleep. I wonder if that bike will end up being sold once more. Certainly brought a chuckle!

Liz Westwood from UK on August 19, 2020:

I appreciated the humorous undertones in this poem. It offers interesting relationship insights, reading between the lines.

Abby Slutsky from America on August 18, 2020:

This made me smile. Yes, ask us when we are half-asleep and anything goes. It's when we are awake that the trouble begins.

Shauna L Bowling from Central Florida on August 18, 2020:

Ha ha, Box. A slight case of miscommunication? Never expect a serious (or coherent) answer from someone who's asleep. That'll learn ya!

Lorna Lamon on August 18, 2020:

I loved the back story to this engaging poem Greg. I guess it pays to read between the lines. Made me laugh.

Ann Carr from SW England on August 18, 2020:

A ride and a half! I was smiling too.

Ann

John Hansen from Queensland Australia on August 17, 2020:

Excellent write, Greg. This poem certainly brought a smile.