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Velocipede Verses #12: Bike For Sale

I'm an avid cyclist who has ridden 36,000+ miles in the past decade or so. I enjoy sharing the little I know with interested others.


Bike For Sale

I saw the ad in the classifieds

It made me laugh out loud, poor guy

Bike for sale, never ridden

I guess

Do whatever the frak you want

Doesn’t mean what I thought it meant

It said

I remember frak

From Battlestar Galactica

With Boomer, Number Eight, my favorite

And Number Six

I liked her, too

And Apollo and Starbuck

I loved BSG

It really was for me

He must have been a fan, as well


I saw the picture, brand new bike

It made me want to buy

Carbon frame and matching wheels

It had

Everything on it I wanted

Discounted now from new


It weren’t

I phoned the fellow

Asked for the deets

My hopes up high

Like Dubai’s Burj Khalifa

Scraping ozone

Picking the nose of Zeus with that spire

At two-thousand-seven-hundred-sixteen feet

That’s high

About the bike, I started

It’s gone, he finished

The deal was so good my neighbor

Bought it the moment he heard the news


The quest for N+1 gets thwarted

For now, anyhow

And then

I dreamt that night

About brand new bikes

It made me wake and sigh

Electronic shifters are what I want

And hydraulic disc brakes would also be nice

For the many number of hills

We have


So, I saw today a similar ad

In the classifieds

It really grabbed my eye

Bike up for sale

Good price

Ridden once

Maybe twice if you count the ride home

But now

Will never be ridden again

At least by

This guy

Because I

Got my ass kicked by

My bride

I’m now getting dressed

To walk across town

I wish I could fly

To buy that bike

And then ride it home

Shook my wife as she was sleeping

And shared with her my excitement

And joy

She seemed elated, too

I’m certain she said sounds good, dear

Then breathed deep, rolled over

There was a smile on her face

I replaced the covers

And slipped out of bed

On my way

I would not tell a lie

Though I

Sit here now with pen in hand

To write

An advertisement that will sell

A brand new bike, hardly ridden

Ok, ridden once

But that was home from purchase:

For sale today is a carbon bike

Carbon wheels, too

Hydraulic disc brakes

Electronic shifting

Colorful, cushy handlebar tape

Super nice components

All the way around

Whose time to leave is nigh

Because I

And my bride

Had a failure

To communicate

My bad, I guess

So buyer beware some advice

To heed

Do whatever the frak you want

Really doesn’t mean what you think it means

It’s true

I read it someplace

And now so have you

A few other things to keep in mind

If you think you heard an “Aye”

Best add an ‘n’ at the front

Scratch the ‘e’ at the end, my friend

Then do yourself a favor

And ask the question once again

Then look her in the eye

And listen real hard

Between the lines

You’re probably not going to hear the sound of shiny new chain gliding ever-so-smoothly over a sparkling Dura-Ace derailleur and cassette

Just sayin’…


© 2020 greg cain

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