Velocipede Verses #12: Bike For Sale
I'm an avid cyclist who has ridden 36,000+ miles in the past decade or so. I enjoy sharing the little I know with interested others.
Bike For Sale
I saw the ad in the classifieds
It made me laugh out loud, poor guy
Bike for sale, never ridden
I guess
Do whatever the frak you want
Doesn’t mean what I thought it meant
It said
I remember frak
From Battlestar Galactica
With Boomer, Number Eight, my favorite
And Number Six
I liked her, too
And Apollo and Starbuck
I loved BSG
It really was for me
He must have been a fan, as well
Anyway
I saw the picture, brand new bike
It made me want to buy
Carbon frame and matching wheels
It had
Everything on it I wanted
Discounted now from new
Because
It weren’t
I phoned the fellow
Asked for the deets
My hopes up high
Like Dubai’s Burj Khalifa
Scraping ozone
Picking the nose of Zeus with that spire
At two-thousand-seven-hundred-sixteen feet
That’s high
About the bike, I started
It’s gone, he finished
The deal was so good my neighbor
Bought it the moment he heard the news
Alas,
The quest for N+1 gets thwarted
For now, anyhow
And then
I dreamt that night
About brand new bikes
It made me wake and sigh
Electronic shifters are what I want
And hydraulic disc brakes would also be nice
For the many number of hills
We have
So, I saw today a similar ad
In the classifieds
It really grabbed my eye
Bike up for sale
Good price
Ridden once
Maybe twice if you count the ride home
But now
Will never be ridden again
At least by
This guy
Because I
Got my ass kicked by
My bride
I’m now getting dressed
To walk across town
I wish I could fly
To buy that bike
And then ride it home
Shook my wife as she was sleeping
And shared with her my excitement
And joy
She seemed elated, too
I’m certain she said sounds good, dear
Then breathed deep, rolled over
There was a smile on her face
I replaced the covers
And slipped out of bed
On my way
I would not tell a lie
Though I
Sit here now with pen in hand
To write
An advertisement that will sell
A brand new bike, hardly ridden
Ok, ridden once
But that was home from purchase:
For sale today is a carbon bike
Carbon wheels, too
Hydraulic disc brakes
Electronic shifting
Colorful, cushy handlebar tape
Super nice components
All the way around
Whose time to leave is nigh
Because I
And my bride
Had a failure
To communicate
My bad, I guess
So buyer beware some advice
To heed
Do whatever the frak you want
Really doesn’t mean what you think it means
It’s true
I read it someplace
And now so have you
A few other things to keep in mind
If you think you heard an “Aye”
Best add an ‘n’ at the front
Scratch the ‘e’ at the end, my friend
Then do yourself a favor
And ask the question once again
Then look her in the eye
And listen real hard
Between the lines
You’re probably not going to hear the sound of shiny new chain gliding ever-so-smoothly over a sparkling Dura-Ace derailleur and cassette
Just sayin’…
© 2020 greg cain