Under the Might (A Poem in Response to Annart's Description Challenge)
Background
Fellow hubber Ann Carr (annart) posted an informative hub on choosing vocabulary in an effective way. At the end of her hub, she posted a challenge for other hubbers to describe any of the three pictures that she included, and weave it into a poem or a story. I chose the picture of "cloisters", and my poem follows.
The Poem
I cried out aloud
But no one would hear
No distant echo
No footsteps were near
I stole into the light
Under pillar number seven
This is where he’d wait
Unless barred by heaven
Desperate though I was to meet
I still had time to feel awed
At the marvel of the cloisters
Starting at the west end of the quad
The silence began to scream
As I gazed up at the half domes
Cris-crossing each other
A pattern from a dreamer’s poems
My feet started to give in
Yet I could not feel the pain
I could only feel dwarfed
By the architectural terrain
After what it felt like eons
Of waiting under the might
The ninth pillar from the east end
Bore a tragic sight
I strolled on to get nearer
My footsteps made no sound
Right beyond the carved pillar
A crowd gathered around
I felt myself turn to ice
As I watched the sight in terror
A girl lay, in a pool of blood
On her face, the look of horror
The white marble of the cloisters
Built by a skillful artisan
Centuries ago with foreign tools
Turned into shades of crimson
Voices faded, faces blurred
I stood alone beside her
They uncovered her pale face
I saw myself as in a mirror
They took her away to the grave
I returned to my seventh pillar
Without a wait, I became a mist
And set forth to find my killer
Questions & Answers
© 2018 Rinita Sen
Comments
AUTHORThank you, Rajan. Glad you enjoyed the twist. Appreciate your visit.
An interesting twist at the end. Very gripping narrative,
- AUTHOR
Thank you, Li-Jen for giving this a read. Glad to know you enjoyed the little twist. The shades of crimson was my favorite part, too.
Hey Rinita. Enjoyable poem although tragic ending. I like the shades of crimson and saw myself in the mirror. The persona seemed to be running away from the killer and found out she was dead, interesting twist. Thanks for sharing.
- AUTHOR
Thank you, Rodric. Yes, this does seem to be a common perception, that the story might have continued. I am glad that it could trigger imaginations in your mind, though. I have been myself fond of poems that tell stories ever since I read Alfred Noyes' "The Highwayman" back in high school. Thank you again for visiting.
I love poetry that tells a story. I stopped wanting to read it when it seemed as though each poem I read in the past is an enigma wrapped in a mystery. This is tops! This is not a finite story. You could add more and it gives my imagination a whirl.
- AUTHOR
Thank you, Mark, for your kind visit and delightful comment.
Like the mystery in this poem. Dream-like and surreal.
- AUTHOR
That's better then, manatita. Haha!
No! I was enjoying myself. Lol.
- AUTHOR
Thank you, manatita. Did the end disappoint you? Haha! Thanks again for your visit.
- AUTHOR
Thank you, John. Your visit is much appreciated. Glad I could meet some of the expectations from the challenge. The story was fun to weave, am happy you enjoyed it.
- AUTHOR
Thank you, Chris. It is a great suggestion to continue the story, and maybe I will if I am up for a second part. For Ann's challenge I wanted to keep the entire story at the backdrop of the cloisters. Her search would have to take her away from the scene. Thank you again, really appreciate you giving this a read.
Interesting narrative. Was beginning to get better, more engaging towards the end. Alas!
Rinita, you certainly met Ann's challenge and more. Your descriptions in this poem were wonderful but the story itself captivating, with that surprise ending. As Chris suggested, the search for the killer could be continued.
With meter and rhyme you've told a story, and one that could be continued if you wanted to tell us about her search. In any case, this is a creative use of the photo prompt. I love the story.
- AUTHOR
Thank you, Ann. I am glad you come up with such challenges. They are real fun to participate in. Glad you enjoyed the little twist and the description.
Wow! Superb poem and great descriptions, Rinita. I especially liked 'A pattern from a dreamer’s poems'. The ending was unexpected and therefore a superb twist. Well done!
Thanks for such a wonderful response to my challenge.
Ann
- AUTHOR
Thank you, Frank. I am glad you enjoyed them.
again, your poetry sends me.. I enjoyed both of them today.. the other one a little more, but still fantastic poetry
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