Under the Might (A Poem in Response to Annart's Description Challenge)

Updated on June 29, 2018
Senoritaa profile image

Rinita is a creative writer, with focus on poetry. She delves into several forms including Haiku/Senryu, Sonnets, Free Verse, and Prose.

Background

Fellow hubber Ann Carr (annart) posted an informative hub on choosing vocabulary in an effective way. At the end of her hub, she posted a challenge for other hubbers to describe any of the three pictures that she included, and weave it into a poem or a story. I chose the picture of "cloisters", and my poem follows.

The Cloisters
The Cloisters | Source

The Poem

I cried out aloud

But no one would hear

No distant echo

No footsteps were near


I stole into the light

Under pillar number seven

This is where he’d wait

Unless barred by heaven


Desperate though I was to meet

I still had time to feel awed

At the marvel of the cloisters

Starting at the west end of the quad


The silence began to scream

As I gazed up at the half domes

Cris-crossing each other

A pattern from a dreamer’s poems


My feet started to give in

Yet I could not feel the pain

I could only feel dwarfed

By the architectural terrain


After what it felt like eons

Of waiting under the might

The ninth pillar from the east end

Bore a tragic sight


I strolled on to get nearer

My footsteps made no sound

Right beyond the carved pillar

A crowd gathered around


I felt myself turn to ice

As I watched the sight in terror

A girl lay, in a pool of blood

On her face, the look of horror


The white marble of the cloisters

Built by a skillful artisan

Centuries ago with foreign tools

Turned into shades of crimson


Voices faded, faces blurred

I stood alone beside her

They uncovered her pale face

I saw myself as in a mirror


They took her away to the grave

I returned to my seventh pillar

Without a wait, I became a mist

And set forth to find my killer


© 2018 Rinita Sen

Comments

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    • Senoritaa profile imageAUTHOR

      Rinita Sen 

      3 months ago

      Thank you, Rajan. Glad you enjoyed the twist. Appreciate your visit.

    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 

      3 months ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      An interesting twist at the end. Very gripping narrative,

    • Senoritaa profile imageAUTHOR

      Rinita Sen 

      4 months ago

      Thank you, Li-Jen for giving this a read. Glad to know you enjoyed the little twist. The shades of crimson was my favorite part, too.

    • Li-Jen Hew profile image

      Li-Jen Hew 

      4 months ago

      Hey Rinita. Enjoyable poem although tragic ending. I like the shades of crimson and saw myself in the mirror. The persona seemed to be running away from the killer and found out she was dead, interesting twist. Thanks for sharing.

    • Senoritaa profile imageAUTHOR

      Rinita Sen 

      4 months ago

      Thank you, Rodric. Yes, this does seem to be a common perception, that the story might have continued. I am glad that it could trigger imaginations in your mind, though. I have been myself fond of poems that tell stories ever since I read Alfred Noyes' "The Highwayman" back in high school. Thank you again for visiting.

    • Rodric29 profile image

      Rodric Anthony Johnson 

      4 months ago from Peoria, Arizona

      I love poetry that tells a story. I stopped wanting to read it when it seemed as though each poem I read in the past is an enigma wrapped in a mystery. This is tops! This is not a finite story. You could add more and it gives my imagination a whirl.

    • Senoritaa profile imageAUTHOR

      Rinita Sen 

      4 months ago

      Thank you, Mark, for your kind visit and delightful comment.

    • Mark Tulin profile image

      Mark Tulin 

      4 months ago from Santa Barbara, California

      Like the mystery in this poem. Dream-like and surreal.

    • Senoritaa profile imageAUTHOR

      Rinita Sen 

      4 months ago

      That's better then, manatita. Haha!

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 

      4 months ago from london

      No! I was enjoying myself. Lol.

    • Senoritaa profile imageAUTHOR

      Rinita Sen 

      4 months ago

      Thank you, manatita. Did the end disappoint you? Haha! Thanks again for your visit.

    • Senoritaa profile imageAUTHOR

      Rinita Sen 

      4 months ago

      Thank you, John. Your visit is much appreciated. Glad I could meet some of the expectations from the challenge. The story was fun to weave, am happy you enjoyed it.

    • Senoritaa profile imageAUTHOR

      Rinita Sen 

      4 months ago

      Thank you, Chris. It is a great suggestion to continue the story, and maybe I will if I am up for a second part. For Ann's challenge I wanted to keep the entire story at the backdrop of the cloisters. Her search would have to take her away from the scene. Thank you again, really appreciate you giving this a read.

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 

      4 months ago from london

      Interesting narrative. Was beginning to get better, more engaging towards the end. Alas!

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      4 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Rinita, you certainly met Ann's challenge and more. Your descriptions in this poem were wonderful but the story itself captivating, with that surprise ending. As Chris suggested, the search for the killer could be continued.

    • cam8510 profile image

      Chris Mills 

      4 months ago from Flagstaff, AZ

      With meter and rhyme you've told a story, and one that could be continued if you wanted to tell us about her search. In any case, this is a creative use of the photo prompt. I love the story.

    • Senoritaa profile imageAUTHOR

      Rinita Sen 

      4 months ago

      Thank you, Ann. I am glad you come up with such challenges. They are real fun to participate in. Glad you enjoyed the little twist and the description.

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 

      4 months ago from SW England

      Wow! Superb poem and great descriptions, Rinita. I especially liked 'A pattern from a dreamer’s poems'. The ending was unexpected and therefore a superb twist. Well done!

      Thanks for such a wonderful response to my challenge.

      Ann

    • Senoritaa profile imageAUTHOR

      Rinita Sen 

      4 months ago

      Thank you, Frank. I am glad you enjoyed them.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 

      4 months ago from Shelton

      again, your poetry sends me.. I enjoyed both of them today.. the other one a little more, but still fantastic poetry

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