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Bald Baby, A Barely Humorous Poem

Author:

Although not an expert on babies, Mark Tulin loves writing poetry about them as well as any other topic that piques his interest.

ugly-baby-a-semi-humorous-poem

All Babies Deserve Our Love

Not all babies are created equal. That's a fact of nature. Some are cute, while others are not so adorable. Hopefully, the unattractive ones grow up to be Prince Charming and Princess Beautiful and, at the very least, Joe Average or Plain Jane. In a perfect world, mothers and fathers would be tolerant and understanding of their child's appearance, and not depressed because their baby is not one of the pretty ones.

This is a poem about a rather homely infant and a mother who had a hard time accepting her infant's substandard appearance.

Not all babies are beautiful, but they all deserve our love.

Enjoy "Bald Baby."

Bald Baby, a Poem


A mother cradled a baby in her arms,

and instead of being overjoyed,

she pushed the few strands of his hair forward

until there were nail marks

that skid across the baby’s scalp

like white dividing lines.


Who could blame her?

She wanted his hair to grow as thick

as her neighbor’s front lawn,

and didn’t want her child to resemble her husband

who lost his hair from a bad case of DNA.


She couldn’t stand to see her only child

look like a wizened old man

with a blotchy red pate

and a round, bloated face.


She believed in fairy tales,

that her bald baby

would one day transform

into a giggling, happy newborn

with ringlets of beautiful hair.


She would display her infant proudly,

parading him down their suburban street

and have the church ladies say,

“Oh, isn’t he the most delicious baby

you’ve ever seen?”


Instead, she had to hide

the infant’s barren scalp

behind a white woolen skull cap

and tell everyone in a most convincing way,

“He’s not feeling very well, today.”




Comments

Mark Tulin (author) from Santa Barbara, California on March 15, 2020:

Thank you, Diane!!

Diane Denison from Cincinnati Ohio on March 15, 2020:

I am sharing this. I love your humor Mark

Mark Tulin (author) from Santa Barbara, California on March 07, 2020:

Thank you frogyfish. .

frogyfish from Central United States of America on March 06, 2020:

OH, you had some great descriptions here! Loved "...a bad case of DNA!" Fantastic! And I enjoyed YOUR reading of the poem also.

Mark Tulin (author) from Santa Barbara, California on January 31, 2020:

Thank you, Bushra.

Anya Ali from Rabwah, Pakistan on January 31, 2020:

Good poem. You brought both the mother and the baby to life.

Mark Tulin (author) from Santa Barbara, California on June 13, 2019:

Thank you, Brenda.

BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on June 13, 2019:

Nice work. A little sad she would hide his true identity by covering up his head.

Great write. I could picture this fully.

Miebakagh Fiberesima from Port Harcourt, Rivers State, NIGERIA. on May 17, 2019:

Well noted, please.

Mark Tulin (author) from Santa Barbara, California on May 17, 2019:

Agree with you,Tim. For some people—country, religion, children—are always the best, the right one or the best looking. That ain’t always the case.

Tim Truzy from U.S.A. on May 17, 2019:

Hi, Mark, I smiled when I read this poem because so many people think there ba by is so gorgeous. No, all babies are not created equal as you wisely pointed out. Sad but true poem.

Sincerely,

Tim

Mark Tulin (author) from Santa Barbara, California on May 11, 2019:

Thanks for the comment, manatita.

Mark Tulin (author) from Santa Barbara, California on May 11, 2019:

Genna, you’re right about bittersweet. Pain mixed with love.

Genna East from Massachusetts, USA on May 11, 2019:

There is a bittersweet beauty in these words that comes from within; this is the true miracle of life.

manatita44 from london on May 08, 2019:

A little vivid, this one. Somewhat sad. Babies are always cute and innocent.

Mark Tulin (author) from Santa Barbara, California on May 06, 2019:

Thank you, Tamara. Much peace.

Mark Tulin (author) from Santa Barbara, California on May 06, 2019:

Miebakagh, love goes deeper than beauty.

BBYCGN from Uninhabited Regions on May 06, 2019:

This is whimsical and sweet ❤️ I am delighted by this poem.

Miebakagh Fiberesima from Port Harcourt, Rivers State, NIGERIA. on May 02, 2019:

Hi, there, beauty will never make a babe.

Mark Tulin (author) from Santa Barbara, California on May 02, 2019:

Which reminds me, Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there this coming Sunday. A baby is precious and sacred no matter what the definition of beauty is.

Miebakagh Fiberesima from Port Harcourt, Rivers State, NIGERIA. on May 01, 2019:

Hi, Harish, why not? When my first babe comes into the world, it was all joy! So, is the second, the third and up to the sixth. They are not the same we and others loved them. Babes are a joy. Thanks, and enjoy the week.

Mark Tulin (author) from Santa Barbara, California on May 01, 2019:

Thank you, Harish.

Harish Mamgain from New Delhi , India on May 01, 2019:

Not all babies are alike , but they are all adored by their mother. A great reminder.

Mark Tulin (author) from Santa Barbara, California on May 01, 2019:

Dana, that’s a sad commentary on our society that people believe that your life will be easier if you are pretty or handsome. Very shallow, indeed.

Dana Tate from LOS ANGELES on May 01, 2019:

I knew people who mated with individuals all for the sake of, "pretty babies." I blame society. If you ask the poor mother or father why are they trying to create, "designer babies," their response is they don't want their child to have a hard life. The better you look, the better

Miebakagh Fiberesima from Port Harcourt, Rivers State, NIGERIA. on April 30, 2019:

Noted, please.

PoetikalyAnointed on April 30, 2019:

Yes Sir!

Mark Tulin (author) from Santa Barbara, California on April 30, 2019:

Poetikaly, you are so right on with your comment. We should dial back this narrow, society-centric view of what is beautiful and what is not. People literally kill themselves because of being wrongly labeled. We must raise children to be mindful that people have beautiful spirits, personalities, as well as expanding our narrow definition of the idea of beauty and not buy into the media’s skewed viewpoint.

PoetikalyAnointed on April 30, 2019:

Aww, how sad. C'mon mom, let's NOT teach our newborn that ONLY looks matter. I know...I know how we all tend to gush over the "cute" ones but we really should dial that back...way back.

Every child is Beautiful in their own way and we must stop proping babies/children up according to their physical appearances.

I was "blessed" with one of the "cute" ones that always attracted the sweet ol ladies at the store, who "stalked" us from the bread aisle to the baby aisle so she could "see the baby!"

I must say, it freaked us out! We even had a group of nurses tell me and the ex that we should "make more cuz we done good with that one."

The grass aint always greener....

Mark Tulin (author) from Santa Barbara, California on April 30, 2019:

Thank you for tuning in, Miebakagh. Your input is always a pleasure.

Miebakagh Fiberesima from Port Harcourt, Rivers State, NIGERIA. on April 30, 2019:

I like all the comments. Very useful to learn a variety of babes hair growth.

Mark Tulin (author) from Santa Barbara, California on April 30, 2019:

Come to think of it, Shauna, I can only remember seeing one ugly baby as well. The poor kid was pale and had blue veins bulging out of his head. The mother said that nothing was wrong with him, but I could feel her anxiety and concern. Most babies are a joy to look at and, I agree, need not have anything around their heads to obscure their beauty.

Shauna L Bowling from Central Florida on April 30, 2019:

Mark, I've really only seen one truly ugly baby in my life. He really did look like a little old man, but wasn't old enough to sit up on his own. I wonder how he turned out....

Fortunately, most babies who are born bald eventually grow hair. I think it looks ridiculous when mothers put a bow/headband on their bald baby girls' head. Poor 'lil urchin!

Mark Tulin (author) from Santa Barbara, California on April 29, 2019:

You’re right, John. Nature has a way of evening things out.

John Hansen from Queensland Australia on April 29, 2019:

Awww poor baby. You are right, not all babies are created equal but the plainer ones do generally grow up to be better-looking adults and vice versa. My babies were always perfect however lol....and still are as adults haha. Good one Mark.

Miebakagh Fiberesima from Port Harcourt, Rivers State, NIGERIA. on April 29, 2019:

Hi, Mark, not at all, please.

Mark Tulin (author) from Santa Barbara, California on April 29, 2019:

It’s my pleasure, Miebakagh. Much peace.

Miebakagh Fiberesima from Port Harcourt, Rivers State, NIGERIA. on April 29, 2019:

Hi, Mark, thanks for weighing in, and enjoy the day.

Mark Tulin (author) from Santa Barbara, California on April 29, 2019:

Certainly true, Miebakagh, baldness for men is a sign of virility and in many cases, makes them even more handsome.

Miebakagh Fiberesima from Port Harcourt, Rivers State, NIGERIA. on April 29, 2019:

What then do the hair defined? In reality, it defines beauty. Baldness also defined beauty. Have you wondered why some models and celebrate persons, and ordinary guys are going bald? It makes them stands out among the crowd. Do not take me at my words. Do your research and thank you.

Mark Tulin (author) from Santa Barbara, California on April 29, 2019:

Thank you for sharing a little bit of your childhood, Lindsey. Our hair doesn’t define us and certainly doesn’t define how beautiful we are.

Lindsey Burek from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania on April 29, 2019:

Very nice poem! I was completely bald when I was born and didn't grow any hair until I was about 2 years old. My mom used to cover my head with bonnets no matter the weather to hide my baldness.

Mark Tulin (author) from Santa Barbara, California on April 29, 2019:

Hair is certainly not a sign that all is well, Miebakagh. Virtue runs deeper than the scalp.

Mark Tulin (author) from Santa Barbara, California on April 29, 2019:

Thanks, Verlie. Or at least a beard.

Miebakagh Fiberesima from Port Harcourt, Rivers State, NIGERIA. on April 29, 2019:

Interesting and real to life. Some babes have not a string of hair on the head. Bald as a television screen, but they grow up years crown the head with an abundance of finely knitted hair.

All parents should welcome babes as they are. Some babes born completely bald become very useful to the community and nation. Hair is not a sign that all is well. Thanks for sharing.

Verlie Burroughs from Canada on April 29, 2019:

Funny, and sweetly penned Mark. Your reading brings the poem to life, fantastic job too with the film making. I hope that baby grows some hair!