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Memoir: Walking With and Without You

Walking With and Without You.

Like a child, you’d always reach for my hand.

Walking together, as if there’s forever.

No matter where we go,

You were always right there.

Smiling, following my foot steps.

With you.

Someone’s always there watching me from behind.

Someone’s always there to hold my hand.

Knowing how clumsy I am, you were always there for me.

On standby in case something happens.

One thing for sure.

I’m happy when I’m with you.

Not because you’d always treat me to fancy restaurants.

Not because you’d always take me out on a date.

To places I’ve never been and places I’ve been dreaming to visit.

But because,

You willingly, invested your time to be with me.

To be my company, even if I’m not that interesting to be with.

To get to know me better and my deep mysterious side.

You have become so patient despite my frequent mood swings and tantrums.

Thanks to you, I’ve been treated as a young lady that I deserve.

My happiness and well-being has always been your top most priority.

Thank you for keeping up with me.

Even to the most random things and out of this world questions I had,

You’d always answer in your own clever ways.

Making it more sensible to me so I’d stop asking the same question.

The most effective way of talking to me?

If I ain’t ready to give an answer,

You’d always let me tell you later, count it as my debt to you.

You knew if I’m not comfortable with something,

It’s better not to force it.

Wait ‘till I’m ready to answer and talk about it.

But most often, you’d eventually forget about it.

You’d also know if I started overthinking again.

When I started acting so quiet, you’d ask

“Hey, are you alright?”

As if assuring me, you’d take my hand and hold it.

Same thing you did when I suddenly had intense mental breakdown.

You didn’t fret, nor leave me alone.

You were there by my side, holding me assuring that it will be fine.

“Just let it all out.” You were surprised, but you sat down and prayed.

You prayed for me to feel better no matter what the sudden reason was.

I frightened you as my cries starts to get louder with a bit of tantrums,

But you remain still and calm, until I feel myself starting to get better.

Then you offered me a warm hug.


We were eating somewhere at a restaurant,

Having some small talks while enjoying the food.

You noticed me smiling so genuine,

You said you wanted to capture it.

Like a picture perfect.

Since then, I’d really wanted to maintain being happy and to smile in front of you.

But I guess, it isn’t with you that I can smile and laugh without faking it.

We have walked together a couple of streets and stores.

Going there again, will be completely different… and sad.

No one will be there to crack jokes just to change my frowning face.

No one will be there to make me feel wanted, not just a shadow following around.

No one will be there watching me from behind, in case something happens.

No one will be there to hold my hand, so I won’t be lost in the crowd.

No one will be there to notice there’s something going through my mind,

Distract me and ask me, “Are you alright?, what’s on your mind?”

Even if I say, “it’s nothing”, you’d still do something to make me smile.

To make me talk and tell you stories half of what’s on my mind.

A topic to talk about and to see me happy.

Along these wonderful places, the environment so relaxing.

I can imagine, walking with you smiling and having so much fun.

But without you and be with others, feels like I’m just a lost soul.

Following around, listening to others talk, even if it goes against my will.

Feeling left behind and alone once again, in this alley we used to walk around.

It will be sad and painful.

But it will be alright.

I just have to walk there again, create new memories.

On my own, I can now make myself happy and look out for my own.

Thank you for walking with me in a short span of time.

It was really a great time and I enjoyed your company… a lot.

Wish you well and all the best.

It was so nice meeting you. You were a blessing in disguise to my life.

I'll be forever grateful.

God bless you always.


© 2021 Gianella Labrador