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Trapped Inside My Head

Shyron is a retired Customer Service Rep. for Verizon. Colleges attended: Triton, Melrose Park, Illinois and Elgin, in Elgin, Illinois.

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I read last night the article by C. E. Clark that asked the question are people in a coma aware of and understand conversations around them, then I thought about when my Honey Bunny was in a coma and wrote this poem in the E.R. tonight as he was being bandaged and I thought he must have been aware of the conversations going on around him before he woke after his accident years ago.

Trapped Inside My Head

Where am I?

This thought to my brain is fed

"He is not responding" someone said

I tried to scream

"I'm right here trapped inside my head"

Why can't I move?

My arms, my legs my head

I am in a dream like state instead

I try my best to move

But, it seems I'm tethered to this bed

Although I can hear the things that are being said

Why can’t I open-up my eyes?

To see the bright blue skies

As if they heard, they open-up

Because they were being pried

It is too bright, am I in Heaven?

Trapped in the brilliant light

Why can’t I move? I try to say

And I am so dry

She must have heard me for

I heard my loved one cry

I feel the wetness against my lips

She is feeding me icy chips

As back into the dream like state I slip

I wonder if I am alive or dead

He is still not responding someone said

And I silently scream

I am right here trapped inside my head

I hear someone crying softly

And turn my head to see

A smile replaced her tears when she looked at me

Doctor, come quickly she said with glee

From trapped inside my head I am finally free


© 2018 Shyron E Shenko

Comments

Patricia Scott from North Central Florida on July 03, 2019:

So well expressed--my friend who had a stroke was comatose for days and days and many more days and remained in ICU for weeks and then in the hospital having differing levels of care for 8 months. She is now receiving much physical therapy and is in a rehab unit in her beloved Norway. I felt like she could have speaking in your poem Angels are on the way to you this evening ps

C E Clark from North Texas on June 29, 2019:

Came by to review this excellent poem again and am posting it to FB & AH. Hope all is well with you dear friend. Blessings . . .

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on September 08, 2018:

Shauna, thank you so much for the comment. I am glad that Honey Bunny came out of it and remembered it also and that he lived an additional 13 years. He was an amazing man right to the end, even the day before he was released from the hospital when the doctors knew it was near the end.

Blessings my dear friend

Shauna L Bowling from Central Florida on September 06, 2018:

Shyron, this is amazing. This is exactly what I think happens to those in a coma or even those who suffer from Alzheimer's. I can't imagine feeling that way. I hope I never have to experience it. I'm so glad your Honey Bunny came out of it. What a sigh of relief for both of you!

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on August 05, 2018:

Patricia, thank so much for the comments, sorry it took so long to reply.

Yes it was terrifying to think that I might lose John, but he recovered and I thank God for the additional 13 years I had with him, he was so strong and he was such a special person.

Angels are on the way back to you with many blessings.

Patricia Scott from North Central Florida on July 27, 2018:

Having known a few who have come back from a coma it is well advised that we carefully choose what we say in the presence of someone who is. Using words of encouragement and reassurance should tumble off our lips I should think. Your poem is spot on...how lonely and horrifying it must be. Angels are headed your way this evening ps

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on June 07, 2018:

Peggy, thank you so very much for the visit compliments and comments. Glad that I had him for another twelve years and four months after the accident.

Hope all is well with you, Blessings my friend.

Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on June 04, 2018:

People need to be careful what they say around comatose people because much is remembered by them if they recover. Your poem is very evocative and meaningful regarding this subject. So happy for you that there was a happy ending.

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on May 29, 2018:

Neetu, thank you so very much for the comments.

Blessings my friend.

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on May 29, 2018:

Larry, thank you for the comments, yes it was/is a tearful experience and a frightening one also, I did not know if my hubby would wake up.

Last month I knew when he slipped away that he would not wake up.

Blessings my friend.

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on May 29, 2018:

Audrey, thank you so very much for the comments. I do appreciate you.

Your comment was hidden for such a long time.

Blessings dear friend.

Neetu M from USA on April 14, 2018:

Nicely said, Shyron.

Larry W Fish from Raleigh on March 31, 2018:

This is a powerful poem, Shyron. I have often wondered if people in a coma can hear and understand what is going on around them. It has to be such a tearful experience for the ones wondering if that person will come out of the coma or not.

Audrey Hunt from Idyllwild Ca. on March 26, 2018:

This must be such a terrifying feeling. You have provided us an open-door into the mind of being in an unconscious state. Perfectly and creatively execute Shyron.

Thank you!

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on March 14, 2018:

Au fait, thank you for the comments and compliments, I do appreciate you so much.

I know that when hubby when he regained consciousness and he was telling me these things I wrote them down each day, which is a good thing otherwise I would not have remembered.

Blessings my dear friend.

C E Clark from North Texas on March 01, 2018:

How on earth did I miss this? And I see you have another 'new' one since this, too! I'm always perusing to see what I haven't looked at lately.

My mother recalled everything that was said when she was 'unconscious' on an occasion during heart failure. Doctors, etc., were surprised when she repeated the things they had said when they thought she couldn't hear. They said they'd have to be careful what they say when dealing with unconscious patients in future.

Excellent poem, and thank you for crediting me for inspiring it. I hope things are going the best possible for you and John. Blessings to you both dear friend. Take care . . .

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on February 17, 2018:

Thank you Nikki for the visit and empathy.

I thought I would lose him, but I thank God he is still with me.

Blessings always.

Nikki Khan from London on February 15, 2018:

A wonderful and sad poem dear Sharon.Enjoyed it much but felt so sad for the person in coma and for his wife or children to see him lying silently,,not been able to do much for him.

Very painful experience it is.

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on February 10, 2018:

DDE, thank you so much for your comments, I really appreciate you and I am so sorry it took so long to answer this comment, but it was dumped into "Admin Approved"

Blessings my friend

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on February 09, 2018:

Chris, thank you so very much for the comment. Yes I think that would be like being buried alive and I would be afraid that I would be buried alive. My hubby said he really thought he was in hell.

I too am glad for the ending to that episode in his life, buy there are many continuing problems, but he is a miracle and I am Blessed to still have him around.

Blessings my friend.

Chris Mills from Traverse City, MI on February 06, 2018:

The scariest place I can imagine being trapped is inside my own head with only me to keep me company. To hear the conversations and not able to respond would be torturous. Your poem gives us a good idea what it would be like. I'm glad for the happy ending.

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on January 26, 2018:

Chitrangada, thank you for the comment and compliments.

You are right about the terrible feelings and I too am happy about the happy ending.

Blessings always

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on January 26, 2018:

Maria, my dear friend thank you for the comments, I am so happy to see you here.

Blessings always

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on January 26, 2018:

Larry, thank you so very much for the comment.

Maria Jordan from Jeffersonville PA on January 26, 2018:

Powerful and perceptive, dear Shyron - always great to see something from your writing desk.

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on January 23, 2018:

Shannon, thank you so much for the comment. Yes prayers do make a difference the Bible says: Whatever you ask in prayer believing, you shall receive. Yes my Honey Bunny is alive even being left with problems. He (my hubby is miracle.

The foresightedness is my idea of someone looking ahead and back, someone who may think “I could have done that better” and strives to improve instead of looking back.

Blessings my dear friend

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on January 23, 2018:

Thank you Michael for your comment I do appreciate your visit.

Blessings my friend

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on January 23, 2018:

Genna, thank you my beautiful friend for the comments and compliments.

Thank God for that twilight state

That keeps us safe inside our heads

To shield our mind so it don't break

Blessings my dear friend.

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on January 23, 2018:

Gypsy, thank you for the comments and Complements.

Larry Rankin from Oklahoma on January 23, 2018:

Great concept!

Chitrangada Sharan from New Delhi, India on January 23, 2018:

Beautifully captured poem, from the patient’s point of view! What a terrible feeling it must have been, when you understand what’s happening around, but can’t express or speak to your loved ones.

Sorry to know that this happened, but glad about the happy ending.

Excellent work! Thank You.

DDE on January 23, 2018:

Deep thoughts here and with an amazing touch of your words. Glad you shared with such emotion.

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on January 21, 2018:

Mr. Happy, I am so happy that you stopped to read my poem, and I thank you for telling me about the lady who could not sense her legs, which is strange because my brother in-law lost one of his legs and he says he still feels the missing leg.

Thank you for the Blessings from Wakan Tanka.

Blessings my dear friend.

Shannon Henry from Texas on January 21, 2018:

No doubt prayers made a difference. Prayers make a difference on even the smallest of things and I miss being a part of a prayer group. I love the notion of "when two are more are gathered. . ." I know that prayers don't makes things within our own control happen, but I believe that it helps with things like peace and wisdom. And in times like you described, prayer must have made a difference. And now your husband is alive to share his miracle and you can likewise share it. I'll have to read your countdown story.

You know what, I think that's the first time I have ever heard that bit about foresightedness. But it sure rings true to me for several things in the past year. Thanks.

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on January 21, 2018:

Shannon, I appreciate your comments. I was so scared that I might lose him, I tried not to let Hubby know that I was crying. I think prayers helped a lot.

I am so sorry about your sister in-law, please don't blame yourself. As the old saying goes 'hindsight is always 20/20', but foresightedness is always far-sightedness, so much so that we don't always pick up on impending doom.

I must admit I cried as I wrote this especially the part that I left out and cannot stand to put that in print, although I did in John's original story (Countdown to a Miracle).

I too cried watching movies like "Stepmom." No it is no longer say, it was a Blessing that they found the aneurism and it was stinted and saved his life.

Blessings my dear friend.

Michael-Milec on January 20, 2018:

Capturing the written words of circumstances, (done here) that occur in the spiritual realm would be nothing less than a supernatural poetry. (I'm far from full understanding.)

Genna East from Massachusetts, USA on January 20, 2018:

Hi Shyron,.

Your beautiful poem expresses that "in between" -- the kind of twilight existence and awareness that protects us from harm. Nature has a way of shielding us -- and all living things -- in so many ways that we don't yet understand.

Gypsy Rose Lee from Daytona Beach, Florida on January 20, 2018:

Most touching and emotional.

Mr. Happy from Toronto, Canada on January 20, 2018:

Ya ... this one brought-out tears. Tough to even try to imagine what someone like that is going through.

Just last week I had a news channel going on the tv and at one point there was a lady being interviewed. Now, I did not pay attention from the beginning but I did listen carefully after she mentioned that she had lost the sense of her legs. That bit was shocking enough that I started paying attention.

She mentioned how she was in hospital and she was looking at her legs but had no control over them and they felt like they were not hers. She said that her legs felt like some strange things attached to her body over which she had no control and that it took her over a year to get back to standing and walking.

Not that it makes things better but I think the majority of people are trapped inside their heads. The Ego leads and they just follow mechanically with little, or no awareness. "Keep on trotting" I think is the saying to go along with that idea.

Well, I wish You and your husband all the very best! May Wakan Tanka guide and protect You.

Thank You for the poem. It speaks to the heart.

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on January 19, 2018:

Linda, thank you for the comments... I think maybe being in a coma helps a person recover and keep them safe from some of the pain. Yes it was a horrible and worrying time, but we made it through and my sons were a tremendous support.

Blessings my friend.

Shannon Henry from Texas on January 19, 2018:

This is an incredibly touching poem. I can imagine what you must have been feeling and empathize with that as well as feel the desperation depicted in your poem.

In Christmas day my sister in law attempted to end her life. We never even knew about it. She'd tried calling me a few times the week or two before to reach my husband. Always seems to think he's purposely ignoring her or mad at her if she can't reach him easily. He didn't have his phone. Something happened to it. And then the day before Christmas mine was stolen by a customer at work when I set it down in the restroom and forgot about it until break. It took me a couple weeks to replace it. Also during that time we were moving and busy constantly. We had little to no contact with anyone. And it was nice for awhile to be away from some of the stress factors of life other than our own personal and immediate issues. Except that bad news always catches up with you eventually.

My point, you may wonder? When I first heard there news I immediately felt a sense of guilt for not trying harder to reach out instead of trying to quickly get off the phone with her, no matter how busy I was or what I was doing at the moment. No desire to chat, etc. Knowing her mental state and history. I worried if my husband would feel it even more, naturally. And then I wondered exactly what you describe. Was she aware of what was happening around her? Not the first time I've pondered things like that, but it hits closer to home when it's someone you know.

This made me tear up, Shyron. But don't mind me. I cry watching movies like "Stepmom". My daughter was like, "I thought you said this movie is sad" and I am trying not to let a tear escape. I hope this is no longer a sad memory for you or for your husband.

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on January 19, 2018:

Dear Paula, thank you for the special comments and for sharing you experiences when your sister and you mother passed. I have no doubts at all that they knew what you said to them.

Yes the panful experiences make us stronger and make us appreciate our loved ones more, because life is so fragile.

Love and hugs to also my beautiful friend.

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on January 19, 2018:

Mike, thank you so much for the comments. I almost did not publish this, but when I read Au fait's hub for the third time. I looked through the notes from that day and put this together.

Blessings always dear friend.

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on January 19, 2018:

Peg, thank you so vey much for your kind comments. It was scary the thought that I might lose him, it was pretty much like dream walking.

Many blessings to you my dear friend.

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on January 19, 2018:

Bill thank you so much for the comment. Everything was moving so fast when this happened, I did not think much... I guess the worst part for me was arriving at the E.R. in down town Dallas and being told they did not know anyone by that name, my son told them "he was brought in by Care Flight" then they knew who we were talking about....Please don't be sorry, the accident saved his life.

Blessings my friend.

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on January 19, 2018:

Frank, thank you so much for the kind compliment.

Blessings my friend always.

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on January 19, 2018:

Louise, thank you for the comments and compliment. my hubby remembers some of the things that went on in ICU. What happened to him saved his life, he had an aneurism and it has no symptoms, it was found when they cut him open to repair his insides.

Blessings my friend

Shyron E Shenko (author) from Texas on January 19, 2018:

Thank you Flourish for the comment, I am glad also that he pulled through. So of this he told me, he said he thought he was in hell because he was tied to the bed and his lips were so dry and he remembers that I fed him ice chips and other things.

Blessings to you dear friend.

Linda Crampton from British Columbia, Canada on January 19, 2018:

This is a dramatic poem, Shyron. I'm glad it has a happy ending. I'm sorry that your loved one experienced being in a coma. That must have been a horrible and worrying time for you.

Suzie from Carson City on January 19, 2018:

Shyron.....This has deeply moved me. I can feel every pang of sadness, curiosity & panic you describe in this touching piece.

Let me share with you a part of my own experiences as I sat vigil at first, my sister's death bed & only months later, my mother's. Although I knew logically they were in their last moments, I could not keep myself from talking to them, stroking their head and hands. I spoke to them from the deepest part of my heart & soul. In my mind, I was convinced they HAD to hear me, Shyron and I truly believe they did. How could I not believe this? At that horrific moment, my sincere belief was the only comfort I could hold onto. I just know they heard every word I said to them before their last breath. To this day, I cling to this.

I appreciate the thoughts you share of what you went through & just as emotions run high, these painful experiences make us stronger and do give us comfort. Thankfully, you still have your loved one. Love & hugs, Paula

mckbirdbks from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas on January 19, 2018:

Hello Shy - You certainly laid out the feeling of being trapped. Good to see you writing. The notion of despair, is right there. (In your poetry.)

Peg Cole from Northeast of Dallas, Texas on January 19, 2018:

You've beautifully captured that sinking feeling of despair and the reality of being unconsciousness in your poem. I'm so sorry that you went through that experience with your dear hubby and know the pain and fear this must have put you through. May many blessings come to you dear one.

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on January 19, 2018:

I can't imagine, my friend. I have no frame of reference for what you went through....so anything I say is going to sound trite...but I'm sorry it has happened and wish you peace.

Frank Atanacio from Shelton on January 19, 2018:

to sit and write poetry shows the strength you have.. and the courage you've shown.. It's a wonderful grouping of poetic words.. bless you

Louise Powles from Norfolk, England on January 19, 2018:

Yes, I'm sorry too for what your loved one went through. I've also wondered if they can hear what you say when people are in a coma. Your poem is beautiful.

FlourishAnyway from USA on January 19, 2018:

I’m sorry your loved one faced this but glad they lived through the experience. What an extraordinary topic and I loved how you dealt with it from the patient’s perspective. Much love to you.