Missy is a unique writer who enjoys inviting her readers into her thoughts through her poetry and other topics of discussion.
A Glimpse Into How My Mind Works
Days of doom have been teasing me this summer. My right knee somehow thought it was time to gift me a pain I had never felt before. So much so that I could barely walk some days. This lasted from April until the start of July. And just when I felt normal from that crazy illness, another crept in. I found myself fighting cough, fever, and body aches again. I would say it was COVID, but I took a test that returned negative results. I still fight a cough today if I breathe in the wrong way or laugh too hard.
The point is that the dire thoughts over these past few months constructed this poem and the trance it put me in. I started to think about all the extreme losses I have experienced in my life through these many years. It is overwhelming to think about. I began to think about how I ended up in the life I have now. One which is not appealing to most and would be considered quite sad to a lot of people who are on the outside trying to get a peep in.
Nevertheless, I decided a few years back—probably when I hit forty—that this would be it for me. I gathered up the years past, all those feelings of misery with a speck of normalcy around 1985-1987, and I digressed to ACCEPTANCE! I started to appreciate my different personality and views on life. I was an outcast, but now I will love that about myself. I will not fight to achieve because I cannot be someone who stands out as a winner. I am not. I am a loser—at least as viewed in the eyes of this world. But…that’s ok.
How I Relate My Life to the Stranger Things Series
My daughter kept asking me to watch this recent season of Stranger Things 4. I watched the first season when it came out, and it was a little nostalgic for me. But for some reason, I could not settle down to continue the adventurous nightmares of these kids from the 80s. Even so, I managed to begin season 2 with mixed feelings. Then, 3, and finally 4, and it felt like it was destiny that I finally gave into my daughter’s many requests for me to catch up.
Somehow, these shows were me. They were my poetry. I absolutely related to several, if not all, of these characters in some way or another. I knew the era. I knew the misfit crew. I knew the feeling of being different. I knew the entrapment of an upside down. I have lived this way my whole life. How weird it felt for me to relate to a fictional series. How great it was that the Duffer Brothers brought the feelings of odd men out and onto the screen.
To be honest, the show through the different seasons was a bit muddled as to why this creepy thing kept showing up. Yet, it held my attention. In the end, the introduction of the character Vecna, came together cohesively. Another misunderstood kid had gotten caught up in a strange doctor’s simulation. I felt bad for this character--not threatened. Overall, he was just another pawn in a lost world. I often think of the young mass shooters as this type—the ones who get swallowed up by the unfairness of it all and lose their souls. Even so, there is no excuse for punishing others with death. I am not excusing that at all, but I do see the path that took them there.
Then there is the other “different” type of people. We tend to be more like the other characters: innocent Will, nerdy Dustin, or a poor, hopeless, but loveable Eddie Munson. And then most of us grow up to be parents that have witnessed heartbreak and hardship so much that we try to give our kids a happier life—a safe one, such as Hopper and Joyce. When I think about it, the pattern sticks, and you meet more of this type in your adult life. The kind that identifies with yourself. I met a few friends like this through social media. Not on purpose, but somehow, I assume another driven destiny. You know who you all are.
I look forward to watching the last installment of this series when it emerges in the future. It will be interesting to see how these brothers wrap it all up. Until then, I hope you like the simplistic form of my own realism in my poem. And I would like to thank my daughter, who insisted I watch the Stranger Things series. Down to the song I found by Jamie Campbell Bower, who plays (Vecna), I could not have made a more delightful blog post to display my poem.
A Metaphysical Awareness
It could be me? A numb misery of fifty.
A worn-out vessel
of many burdens.
My body pangs with wants and too lates.
Once I was. This NOW is
Lost in my adrift soul.
Deepened thoughts. Imagined feelings of how
It would be if HERE time is up.
To be free of conundrums.
Drift, drift, I slip away into a state of mental break--
Unseen. I keep it on a level
To myself and not disheveled.
A balance I find. A good mystery to never discover.
Hidden in the hills of thy mind.
Amongst the tears of the Cerebrum.
Loss is but a big part of a lonely world. Betrayal another.
Disease may creep in and zombie down the bones.
Would I fret? At this point, probably--No.
The shadows cover me from head to toe. I daze out into a confused
World I do not know—I have, REALLY, never known.
Was it all my fault?
The Actor Who Played the Character Vecna: Jamie Bower
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2022 Missy Smith