The Waterloo by Gianella Labrador
There are times I found myself at lost.
It feels like my soul’s been swaying by the wind.
Back and forth, floating.
I can’t think straight.
This is what it’s like when you are losing your mind.
It’s not whiskey or cocaine nor nicotine.
I tried to lessen my consumption of caffeine.
But I needed sugar in order to stay sane.
My mind has been clouded with blur thoughts and memories.
Like a fog with intense zero visibility.
I’d feel dizzy like the world has gone crazy.
I’m not addicted or anything to be convicted.
Now things has gotten worse and out of hand.
Things got pretty overwhelming and devastating.
I got things to handle all at once.
No surprise, I’d find myself crying in pain.
My feelings and tears are like a time bomb.
It just keeps bursting and exploding.
It’s too much and I can no longer hold it in.
I’m in so much pain but I just can’t let others share the burden further.
Everyone’s been struggling with their own problems.
Who am I to add up more to what they’re dealing with?
It’s too much that even I myself can no longer explain what’s happening.
Can’t I just cry without you asking why?
How’d you know the problem if I don’t tell you?
Do I even have to always tell you everything?
Like how spoonfeeding is done?
Is it too much to at least assure me that things will be fine?
It’s alright to cry when you are in pain and not to hold it in.
It’s alright to feel what you are feeling.
It’s fine to take time and share what you have in mind whenever you are ready.
There’s no pressure. We are here to listen.
You can always cry in my shoulder and will standby you until you feel better.
It’s alright to be vulnerable and be loud to let out your feelings.
If that’s what’s gonna give you the peace of mind and to calm down.
We won’t say;
“Stop crying the neighbor’s gonna hear us, it’s embarassing.”
“Shhhh, you’re disturbing the people nearby.”
“Tone down your voice, people might hear you.”
Instead, we’ll say;
“Cry as loud as you can. Let it all out. We’ll still be here for you. ”
“Everything will be fine later on, don’t hold back.”
“You are not alone and we still love you no matter what.”
Instead of suppressing someone’s emotions and make them feel restless,
Try to adjust to the situation, you can play a loud instrumental that won’t
interfere with the emotions of that person.
Think of what really matters most, what people might say or
What your loved one is feeling.
People can have the tendency to be so anxious when speaking up for themselves.
Especially if you are the type to shut them up for the sake of the opinion of others.
Especially if you are the type to shut them up just so it won’t bother others.
You are teaching them to hold it in and keeping it to themselves.
Just like how holding in your pee is bad so as suppressing your emotions.
There’s this fear of what might happen to the things ‘ I ‘ might say.
Will I get reprimanded? Will I be shouted at? Will I be punished?
Maybe it’s better not to say.
Never be that someone who tells “ How can I understand you if you won’t say anything?”
In a loud intimidating and authoritative voice/manner followed by ;
“What?! What are you crying at? Tell me what’s the matter!”
Like as if your time is being wasted by a trivial matter.
Remember that the person you are trying to comfort is already dealing with a lot of things.
Treating them that way is a red flag and will signal that you are a threat.
That they are not safe in your hands so automatically their response will be to push you away.
They can be restless and violent like how animals feel when in danger.
What you can do is try to be more gentle with your words and emotions.
It won’t help adding more fuel to the fire.
If you are trying to tame and calm someone down, analyze the situation.
Think of some ways how you can properly communicate to them without getting violent.
Without triggering their tantrums and anger further.
Understand that a person who is anxious and in a state of panic attack or having mental breakdown,
Have a lot of things that’s been going on in their head.
It can get so much overwhelming to the point that they might resort to hurting themselves.
You don’t have to be a fortune teller or a mind reader to understand that someone is in pain and in trouble.
If that person really matters to you and is at your top most priority, you’d eventually understand.
Don’t always be so ahead of yourself that you tend to speak what you feel like saying without thinking first.
Before you try to calm someone down, make sure you have a clear mind and that you’re open to what the person will say.
Of course, you have to be calm and let the person know that you can be trusted and not someone to give them more pain.
Be sincere with your intentions and the things you’ll be saying.
Don’t make a fool out of someone trying to make them believe that you are serious with what you are saying when you actually are not.
Don’t make promises or conditions just so to gain the trust of that person when you can’t even be consistent and keep a promise.
Everything you say will be remembered even if the person is under a mental state that is not quite stable.
Creating a safe space for someone should be sincere and comes with good intentions.
Not just for the sake of trying to compromise when you really are not serious when consoling the person.
Most important thing, you are offering a hand to console and comfort.
Don’t make it seem like you are there to argue and turn the table around making that person suffering as the suspect.
You are not the victim here. If that’s what you are planning to do in the middle of consoling the person, just STAY AWAY.
It’s the most favor you can give to that person.
‘Cause what the person needs is someone who’d understand and not someone to argue with especially if you’ll just listen to your own words anyway.
It’s not because the person have a very low voice that you barely can’t hear in the middle of the cries and sniffs, it’s because you are choosing to listen to what you think matters and what you want to hear.
That it’s you that is needed to be comforted here and not the one who is crying in front of you.
It’s pretty much difficult to be drowned by your own thoughts and worries.
That’s what anxiety is like.
It’s overwhelming and devastating at the same time.
It can feel like it’s never ending.
You are trying your best to climb up and get some air,
But it will feel like someone is choking you and pulling you more beneath the depth of the ocean.
If ever you or someone you know ends up in a situation where even faking a laugh or smile is difficult to do,
That it sounds bizarre to even think of positive thoughts and dream for something big,
I’m here to tell you, you are not alone in this fight.
You are loved by many.
Pull yourself together and stay out of that closed dark space.
Go somewhere far, take a look and find hope in people’s smile and day to day stories.
Think outside of your thoughts.
If you were a stranger, how would you help someone like you who is in dire need of help?
That’s how you can help yourself think of ways to calm down. That it’s not yet the end.
You can still find yourself to go back to being a human with inspiring dreams and goals.
Things may go rough and tough on your end, but always be reassured that you got someone in your back.
It maybe a waterloo for you, but there’s still hope.
Give others a chance to help you out and don’t deprive yourself the time that you’ll eventually heal from everything.
Do it at least for yourself and your future self will be grateful for you.
That you didn’t give up despite all the things that gave you so much pain.
Stay strong little one!
You matter. Always.
A part of you that cares and loves you so much!
Kapit lang! Laban lang!
(Just hold on tight and keep fighting!)
- Ben&Ben - Lunod (feat. Zild and Juan Karlos) | Official LYRIC Video ft. Zild, Juan Karlos - YouT
"Lunod" by Ben & Ben is a song about being drowned in so many things. It also depicts a theme about people living with anxiety, depression, and even people dealing with a lot of things in their lives including so much debts and hardships.
© 2021 Gianella Labrador