The Uncomfortable Silence That Is Me

Updated on January 8, 2020
djsky24 profile image

Just a guy trying to make sense of a life, memories, and emotions that do not...and in no particular order. The somber side of my mind.

Everything's All Good

It is hard to get past what I can’t see around when I’m down. Too easy to give up. Too often it’s too easy…looking for the answer in adventure and exploration...thinking it the answer to the questions that won’t leave me alone. A shadow on the chair in the living room…in an empty home. Why does my mind keep dragging me back…

I wonder if part of my soul was trapped by the mirror
It sat on the floor leaning against the wall…next to the chair I sat in when I swallowed down the pills
The ones that gave me the permanent sleep I cried for
I did not take them one by one
I swallowed them down a bottle at a time
A beer in my hand and then left it half empty on the stand…
It was better off than me
I looked into the mirror next to me and watched as I disappeared
Everything was dark
Everything was peaceful
My nightmare that was my life had ended
I do not know what happened as my body lay slumped
Did my soul float above me looking down
Did it bother to look back at all…
Did it turn around
Did a piece of it stay in the mirror
I think a piece of me is still in that mirror
This is the shit I don’t talk about at dinner…
In the mountains…Friendsgiving…smiles all around
This is the shit I can’t interject into the conversation
When they ask what I’m thinking…the quiet man…
A quiet smile…trying to pay attention
“Everything’s all good”…
When I’m sitting in their house
When I’m sitting in their leather chair…
Next to their mirror…
Staring into it with a half empty beer
Placing it on the table next to me
There is no other reflection but mine
There is no sound in the room full of laughter
I am back where I am not
I step outside into the cold
I’m not trying to be rude
I just can’t answer your questions…
You can’t know what I’m thinking
I have to let it out sometimes…the memory
Crack the door to the dark room
Fill the place I am in with wit
My laughter…dark hilarity
Jokes that leave a bad taste in your mouths
Now the room is filled with the uncomfortable silence that is me

© 2020 Nowhere Man


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)