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The Uncomfortable Silence That Is Me

Just a guy trying to make sense of a life, memories, and emotions that do not...and in no particular order. The somber side of my mind.

Everything's All Good

It is hard to get past what I can’t see around when I’m down. Too easy to give up. Too often it’s too easy…looking for the answer in adventure and exploration...thinking it the answer to the questions that won’t leave me alone. A shadow on the chair in the living room…in an empty home. Why does my mind keep dragging me back…

I wonder if part of my soul was trapped by the mirror
It sat on the floor leaning against the wall…next to the chair I sat in when I swallowed down the pills
The ones that gave me the permanent sleep I cried for
I did not take them one by one
I swallowed them down a bottle at a time
A beer in my hand and then left it half empty on the stand…
It was better off than me
I looked into the mirror next to me and watched as I disappeared
Everything was dark
Everything was peaceful
My nightmare that was my life had ended
I do not know what happened as my body lay slumped
Did my soul float above me looking down
Did it bother to look back at all…
Did it turn around
Did a piece of it stay in the mirror
I think a piece of me is still in that mirror
This is the shit I don’t talk about at dinner…
In the mountains…Friendsgiving…smiles all around
This is the shit I can’t interject into the conversation
When they ask what I’m thinking…the quiet man…
A quiet smile…trying to pay attention
“Everything’s all good”…
When I’m sitting in their house
When I’m sitting in their leather chair…
Next to their mirror…
Staring into it with a half empty beer
Placing it on the table next to me
There is no other reflection but mine
There is no sound in the room full of laughter
I am back where I am not
I step outside into the cold
I’m not trying to be rude
I just can’t answer your questions…
You can’t know what I’m thinking
I have to let it out sometimes…the memory
Crack the door to the dark room
Fill the place I am in with wit
My laughter…dark hilarity
Jokes that leave a bad taste in your mouths
Now the room is filled with the uncomfortable silence that is me

© 2020 Nowhere Man