The Truncated Evolution of an Ugly Couch Potato
Ladies and Gentlemen, It's official!
The golden paved road to adulthood has been cut
Only a dirt road full of vipers and broken glass remained
Pulse racing faster than Mario Andretti in a Pinto pace car
Suddenly, an internal light switch has been flipped
Inside the brain of a Puritanical fowl
Wings pinned back by duct tape and anxiety
Locked inside a sprawling red brick tower
Primed with the premium cable package
Hundreds of movie channels and nothing to live for
Outside those four incredibly diminutive walls
Making Barbie's dream house look like the Taj Mahal
That closed in with each passing moment
Walls wired with enough C4 to gut the grand citadel
Into the biggest pile of debris that Blake and Alexis ever saw
Sick of being confined to an 8 by 5 iron private dungeon resort
Ready to find the sturdiest metal shovel and start digging
Avoided hitting the thousands of boulders blocking everything
Struck gold after a few shattered shovels and a mud covered white t-shirt
Found a treasure trove of secrets under the humus soil
Ready to rise above the surface like Double Dare slime
An impulse to straddle the nearest Harley 750 Street model
Tossed off the burley Samcro wannabe like a sack of Idaho spuds
Eager for a taste of the open road; wind blowing bugs and all
Picked out nature's fruit snacks with great ease and toothpicks
Tired of this regularly scheduled weekly program
Time to find a new groove on the imaginary loveseat convertible
Either that or time to turn off the idiot box once and for all.
