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The Moment I Thought I Could No Longer Write.

I'm 21 years old, and it's the year 2021. Cheers to my 21st article here in HubPages! Thank you for the Support!

THE NIGHTMARE THAT ALMOST RUINED MY LIFE.

One night, I was trying to write.

But something wasn’t feeling right.

I reached for my pen and notebook,

Trying to write something,

I was holding my pen ready to write.

But I couldn’t bring myself to start writing.


My hand is losing its senses.

I couldn’t grip on to my pen properly,

As I normally would and how I should be.

It was a struggle to write something again.

Even writing my name it would go all over the place.

“Who wrote this?”, that’s how your reaction will be like.

Like a toddler practicing how to write.

Like a grandparent, who has been struggling to write.

But I’m just at my early 20s,

Perfectly fine, with no disease.


It’s not that I couldn’t write as much as I wanted to.

It’s not that I couldn’t write because I’m just feeling lazy.

I’ve got a lot of things going through my head.

I really want to jot down every ideas and content.

But I can’t.

From not being able to hold a pen properly,

I start to forget how to use and hold utensils.

Such as the spoon and fork.

With knife, well I never kearned how to use it anyway.

I’m not ignorant to these simple things.

I know how to use them, but sometimes

Subconsciously, I act like a fool.

Hold and use them in ways that it’s not proper.


I still struggle to write even to this day.

But I chose not to think about it too much.

I mean there are tons of health declaration forms to fill up.

I have to write and comply with the rules.

But in reality, my hands start to lose its strength long time ago.

I can still carry and grasp/grip stuffs but not as tight.


What if I can no longer eat and write properly?

I started to fear the what ifs and what nots.

Like it would be so challenging to even go back to school.

If I apply for work that requires my passion which is writing,

I may no longer be fit for it.


Weeks and Months Later,

“Fret no more my child,” God said.

He used someone as an instrument to at least,

Regain the strength of my hands and limbs,

That for the past few weeks, I thought started detoriating,

Maybe it’s just a matter of training to get used to it.

Bit by bit of practice, don’t have to force it.

It’s alright to take it slow until you get back to it again.

The first step is always if not most often the challenging part.

It gets really difficult at times but you’ll get there.


HOW DID I GET INTO WRITING AND DISCOVERING MY PASSION:

PART 1.

Writing for me really started as a task.

Back in my primary school, there would always be a writing exercise.

May it be short stories, essays, poetries, answering questions.

I remembered always trying to beat others in the number of words written.

Mine was always longer than majority of the class.

Sometimes I get praised with additional points, sometimes it doesn’t matter.

That’s when I found joy in writing my thoughts and opinion.

But don’t get me started by asking me to read aloud what I’ve written.

If that’s the case, I’ll instantly regret that I’ve written a lengthy article.

Should have keep it short and simple otherwise.


PART 2:

As I entered my adolescence, Writing was still a task to comply.

But it has become my passion and a way to discover my talent.

I managed to become good in writing poetries and essays.

Especially with themes that is close to my heart.

I can really write well if I can insert my stories and experiences.

Sharing it with others, and others appreciating it, is just something.

It’s priceless and keep your heart beating.


PART 3:

Now, writing articles online more than trying to earn and make a living,

It has become my outlet for my emotions and struggles.

Sharing it with others, gives me that sense of relief and validation.

Little by little, the baggage I’m carrying deep within my heart and soul

Starts to feel a little less heavy than the yesteryears.


CHILDHOOD DREAM CAME TRUE.

Writing to inspire and motivate others was just a childhood dream before.

Few months ago, I was just an aspiring writer hoping to get noticed all over the world.

An aspiring writer and poet, that hopes her articles to reach different parts of the world.

That whatever she writes, make a huge impact to the lives of others; local and international.

Now, I am being praised and appreciated by not just one or two foreigners,

But by more than 21 people all around the world.

Foreigners and Filipinos supporting someone like me?

I mean it’s just so overwhelming.


I wanted to publish a book and make a name overseas.

But even not being able to publish a worthy book yet,

People are already starting to witness my humble beginnings.

All around the world, or the entire universe rather.

My dreams have started to flourish.


Continue writing and aiming high,

Young child!

You’ve already reached this far,

Keep writing and never give up!


Really thankful for everyone that supported me.

You all know who you are.


God Bless us All Always.


End.




© 2021 Gianella Labrador

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