The Man Who Could Not Say "M"

Updated on August 30, 2017
clivewilliams profile image

I have been writing poetry, fiction and short stories for many years and have completed a book of poems. I also enjoy comedy writing.

Mr. Principles
Mr. Principles

Mr. Principles lived in a pink house along the prairie

He owned hundreds of cows which made him dairy

He loved the letter P but could not pronounce the letter M

So he replaced M with a P instead

When he spoke to folks it was like a puzzle coming from his lips

As when he saw the beautiful ladies, instead of hello Miss, he said hello Piss

Many women became upset and told their husbands of the ordeal

Of how Mr. Principles referred to them as Piss and how bad they feel

The husbands marched down to the home of the accuser and saw a big P at the gate

"This man is insane!" they shouted. He surely deserves his fate.

"Come out Mr. Principles, come out and clear your name."

Then his P shaped door opened silently and then he said it again.

Good day gentle'p'en, Is there so'p'ething you wish?

Lovey 'p'orning also to all you Pisses.


The men began to get wild up and many wanted to clobber Mr. Principles

Because he called their Misses Pisses and this was a disrespect to the decent citizens

Two men ran up to his door and grabbed him by the arm and he was mistakenly tickled

Mr. Principles began to chuckle and made plenty giggles

"What is so funny Principles, we are here to give you a beat down."

"Because you called our Misses Pisses and take us men for clowns"

Oh no gentle'p'en, you see I have a proble'p' when pronouncing the letter ("he gestures')

But I love to say P so i substitute it for that letter instead

I condone no har'p', why not squash this, how about so'p'e whine and bread?.

The men looked at the women, the women looked at the men and they all burst out with laughter

Silly Mr Principles made a mess of the alphabet which nearly caused a disaster

The men held their wives hand and everyone strolled away

"Goodbye Sirs, Goodbye Pisses." Mr Principles shouted. "See you another day!"

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • clivewilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Williams 

      10 months ago from Jamaica

      LOL at Eric

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 

      10 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Very well done. Perhaps one to read to my son who is in that stage that everything pee or poop oriented is just hilarious. Not to mention the very fine lesson about panners.

    • clivewilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Williams 

      10 months ago from Jamaica

      Still do Shannon. Yes, many things can be seen in different eyes and by different sounds.

    • shanmarie profile image

      Shannon Henry 

      10 months ago from Texas

      Oh, yes. An excellent way to get people to see things aren't always what they seem. Remember those commercials?

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 

      10 months ago from USA

      Funny and enjoyed. When I saw the title, I had no idea what type of article to expect. I liked this.

    • clivewilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Williams 

      10 months ago from Jamaica

      Glad you loved it Shannon

    • shanmarie profile image

      Shannon Henry 

      10 months ago from Texas

      Hahaha. What a lisp, if you can call it that! Thanks for the amusement this evening.

    • clivewilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Williams 

      10 months ago from Jamaica

      There always is Billy. Always is.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      10 months ago from Olympia, WA

      LOL...total fun! And I suspect there's a message buried deep inside this.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, letterpile.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://letterpile.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)