The Darkness - A Poem
The Darkness
I am surrounded.
It hunts me.
It HAUNTS me.
I feel alone, but I am not.
It never leaves me.
It whispers in my ear.
"You are alone."
"You are never going to be enough."
"You look awful."
It is a monster.
A snarling, hideous monster.
When I find light, it hides in what darkness it can find.
It fights and pulls the darkness back in.
It worries I may be burned in the light.
"You will never be happy for very long."
It grabs me.
It pulls me in.
It covers my head.
It makes me still.
Will I ever escape?
Will I ever be ME again?
I must find a way out.
I must find happiness again.
What if I escape and it finds me?
What if I meet the darkness again?
No, I cannot let it win.
But, it always wins.
I am battling my own mind.
Am I sad?
Am I angry?
What AM I?
Will I ever know how to explain?
People may never understand?
The darkness.
It holds hands with another monster.
They mock me.
They point and laugh like a high schooler.
The other monster.
It it dark too, but it seems afraid.
The dark one leads it.
But, it is always afraid.
It is always stumbling and falling.
They bicker.
They fight and argue.
It is like watching a war in my own head.
Who do I listen to?
Am I sad?
Do I stay that way?
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Should I be afraid?
Should I be afraid to fall and stumble?
Darkness.
Worry.
Fear.
Anxiousness.
Some of us are always battling monsters.
Some will never understands.
We don't understand, either.
We are always fighting the darkness.
We do not want to be pulled in.
We are fighting the scared monster.
We do not want to worry.
We do not want to shake.
We want to breathe.
We want light.
We want to fight it.
We want to beat it.
Never ending.
It is a never ending war.
Please don't let me be alone.
Is the darkness telling me the truth?
Will you leave too?
It tells me I will always be alone.
But, it is always with me.
I don't want him.
Will you help me to fight them?
Can you help me make them go away?
Pills?
What are the pills for?
Okay.
Something isn't right.
I don't feel right.
I can still see the monsters.
They are calling for me in the distance.
I don't feel anything.
I am not happy.
I am not sad.
I am not worried.
I just AM.
I don't want to take the pills.
I want to feel.
I want to be happy.
How do I do that?
They're back.
They say they will never leave me.
I guess my monsters love me.
Don't they?
© 2020 Katie Gillispie
